The Mom For Phoebe

Becoming a mom has been wonderful, but there have definitely been ups and downs. This past Sunday morning I was feeling more down than up. Compared to the care I'd seen other mothers administer to their children, I felt my efforts were mediocre at best. And how horrible that was--to feel inadequate at what I've always felt to be the most important job in the world.

There we sat: Phoebe was in her car seat, ready to go to church and crying, and I sat in front of her eating a king sized chocolate bar and almost crying. Jon was already at church attending pre-meetings and feeling very alone in that moment, I felt more than a little overwhelmed.

Amid the chaos of the moment, the Spirit spoke a very important message to me, one that I will never forget. He said: "Perhaps it seems like so-and-so or -so-and-so could do a better job at mothering Phoebe, but I did not send Phoebe to them. I sent her to you. Phoebe needs you to be her mom not just because any random person could do the job and you happened to be available, but because she specifically needs you."

Peace fell over me. My awareness of my flaws and imperfections didn't fall away, but suddenly I didn't feel like they disqualified me for the job. Heavenly Father, knowing all about my flaws and imperfections, sent Phoebe to me anyway and trusts me with her. It is my "me-ness" that makes me qualified for the job, that makes me the mom for Phoebe.

One of Satan's tactics is to make us feel inadequate and unqualified for the tasks that the Lord gives to us. And let's be honest, the reason we listen to him is because lots of times he's right--often we are inadequate or unqualified! But when we feel this way, we need to remember that the Lord makes no mistakes in who He calls to do His work. He will help us as we turn to Him in humble and sincere prayer and He will make up for what we lack. The only mistake is on our part when we don't do this and instead listen to Satan's whisperings or try to do it all on our own.

Now when Phoebe starts crying right when I lay down to take a nap or when she poops on her car seat (or the car itself) and I "get" to clean it up or when it's the middle of the night and she wants to eat even though she ate less than two hours ago and I'm exhausted, I'm less tempted to turn to my chocolate bars and more inclined to turn to the Lord. His confidence in me gives me confidence in myself and blesses me with the peace I need to make it through.

Primary Songs at 1:30 am

I was grateful to have gone to bed at 8:30 the other night because at 10:30 Phoebe woke up and three hours later I was still trying to get her back to sleep. By this time I was exhausted. It was 1:30 and I knew that even when I finally did get her to fall asleep that she'd be up again later that night to eat again. I was ready to just be done and pass the Phoebster off to someone else! But Jon had work the next morning and I didn't want to wake him, so that it was all me.

In attempt to try something new to get Phoebe to fall asleep, I left the couch and sat in the rocking chair in our living room. I began swaying back and forth in the chair while softly bouncing her in my arms to try and calm her. Then the idea came to me to start humming and singing primary songs to her. So in my out-of-tune, crackly, broken, 1:30 am voice, I started to hum to her the song "I Feel My Savior's Love."

The spirit in the room changed. Phoebe began to calm down and go to sleep. As I continued singing and humming different songs, she began to smile in her sleep, and continued to do so for a longer period of time than I can ever recall her smiling. I began to calm down too. Instead of just trying to triumphantly get a kid to sleep, I started soaking in the moment.

Holy cow! Here I sat with this adorable little baby and she was mine! I was a parent! And in that moment, I was able to worry less about surviving and to focus more on the wonders and beauties and blessings of life.

Life tries to get the best of all of us. There will always be more to do on the to-do list than we have time for. But God has given us enough time to see to the things that truly matter most. What remains to be decided is if we will choose to use it in the way He intends for us to. How much easier this will be to do if we slow down a little and take the time to see the things that truly matter most. Things like when our prayers get answered. Things like opportunities to help out people in need. Things like friends, families, and loved ones. Things like a precious little girl you get to call "daughter" and rock to sleep at 1:30 am because someday you'll be the one she calls "mom."

I'm sure that there will be plenty of nights when I feel like I'm just trying to survive. But I hope that amid all the surviving that I can be mindful enough to pause every once and a while to recognize the miracle of life for what it is and to enjoy living it.

Of This I Am Certain: God is My Loving Heavenly Father

People of all religions and faiths around the world believe in some sort of higher power. Generally, people believe that this higher power created the earth, is powerful, and should be respected and worshiped in some way. I believe all these things in regards to God in my religion—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One thing that differs from the way I view God from many other religions, though, is this: I believe that God is my loving Heavenly Father. 

Let me clarify what I mean when I say that God is my Father. I have an earthly father whom I love very much, but this is different. What I mean is that I believe what the apostle Paul taught in in the Bible, which is that God is “the Father of our spirits” (Hebrews 12:9). In other words, I have an earthly father who is the father of my body and my father here on this earth. In addition to that, though, I have God, who was the father of my spirit before I came to this earth, and who still watches over me as a father today while I’m here on earth.

Seeing God as my Father, rather than just as a powerful being, makes my relationship so much more meaningful than it would be if I just viewed him as a god. I don’t see God as some disinterested, third party who created me and then left me to be, or who is constantly mad at me for being less than perfect, or who puts up with me because I am here and put the time in to worshiping Him. No. That is not what I know of God. Instead, I see God as a being who loves me. Who cares about me and wants what’s best for me. I believe that because I am God’s daughter, that makes me special to Him. He knows me personally and intimately and wants me to return to Him some day. Because of this, He is invested in me and my life. My successes make Him rejoice while my sorrows make Him mourn.

Believing that God exists toys with the mind; believing that God is our Father touches the heart. My life is more full and joyful when I recognize and feel the love that comes from Him, and I know that such will be the case for any person that does the same, for we are all His children.

Our Relationship With God

This morning, I read a talk by Elder Holland posted on the LDS.org homepage titled: "Knowing the Godhead." This quote stuck out to me:

"A God who cares about [us] as tenderly as a parent cares for a child cannot be an ethereal mist or a vague philosophical First Cause or a deistic absentee landlord. He must be recognized for what He truly is—a merciful, compassionate Father, in whose image every one of His children has been made and before Whom all of us will one day again stand—and then kneel!" -Elder Holland

As I read this quote in a talk this morning, I felt grateful to have a testimony and a knowledge of this God, the God, our God who loves and cares for us each individually as a parent cares for His children. I know that God is real, that we are made in His image, and that because He loves us all very much, His purpose is to bring us back home to Him.

Thinking of returning home to Him someday makes me think of another quote, this one said by President Benson: “Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar his face is to us.” I love some of what this quote implies--that before we came to this earth, we knew Heavenly Father very personally. 

However, I admit that the more I think about this quote, the more part of it bothers me. I don't want to be startled at how familiar Heavenly Father is when I get up to Heaven! I don't want it to be a moment of shock, like someone coming out of a lifetime of amnesia! Rather, I want to live my life in a way that I come to know Him again in this life, and if possible, to know Him better than I did before. That way, when I do get up to Heaven and see His face, instead of thinking: "Oh my goodness! How could I have ever forgotten?" I can think: "Oh my goodness! I'm so grateful I remembered!"

Once again, I bear my testimony that God is real, and that He really does love us. I know from personal experience that He hears and answers prayers and that He sends angels--often in the form of friends and family--to lift us when we're low. I know that He wants the best for each of us, and that as we come to know Him better, our lives will be enriched.

I end my thoughts with a scripture found in John 17:3: "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent." Eternal life doesn't start tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or in the life after this one. Eternal life starts right now, and that means our relationship with God has to start right now too. Kneel to Him in prayer tonight with real intent, and I promise that it will.

Thoughts on Weeding

Today I weeded for five hours at work. It was a lot of weeding. It was a lot of work. We put forth extra effort to make the flowerbeds near University Street look very nice because there will be hundreds of people seeing them this Friday at the Fourth of July Parade. In the middle of all our hard work, it occurred to me how unfair of a position we—the workers—were in. If there are weeds everywhere, everyone notices and wonders why we are not doing our job so well. If there are not weeds, however, no one takes notice or thought of all the time and effort the city’s Parks and Rec employees put into making the place look clean. Essentially, we get noticed only when people are unhappy, and forgotten when we do a job well done.

As I thought about this, I realized that this is a position Heavenly Father must find Himself in quite frequently. When things aren’t going the way we want them to, when He doesn’t answer our prays at the time we want, when His will isn’t our will—we notice what seems to be a lack of His hand in our life. On the other hand, when things are going great, we hardly recognize all the hard work He puts forth to make it so. Even when we are striving to recognize His hand, there is still so much behind the scenes stuff that He makes happen that we have no idea about.

 I’m grateful for the hand of the Lord in my life and that He still extends it even when I’m too busy or selfish or tired or impatient to notice it. I know that His hand is there in every single one of our lives and that if it ever seems that He is withholding it, it is only because we must first do our part or because He is giving us an opportunity to grow. Just like little children, we do not in the present moment comprehend all that God has done, does do, and will do for each one of us. We have much more to be grateful for than we suppose.

“Living as we do with a veil over our eyes, we cannot remember what it was like to be with our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in the premortal world; nor can we see with our physical eyes or with reason alone the hand of God in our lives.” –President Henry B. Eyring (“O Remember, Remember”, October 2007)

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.” –D&C 58:3

Letters

Dear Kayci, Good luck with your crazy week! Make it through this one and you just got three (?) more after that, then finals, then FREEDOM! And then you get to go on your mission! Not a bad plan, eh? Keep it up, girl!

Dear Sunshine, Come back maybe? Pleeeeease?!!!

Dear Besty, Elora, Hannah, and Elicia, Watching the end of "Enchanted" while drinking milk with awesome chocolate milk straws was super fun and very relaxing. I hope that I can start joining you guys for adventures more often during my last month as your roommate!

Dear Future Roommate Emily, Thanks for chatting last night! You seem amazing and I'm very excited to get to know you more over the next year or so as we share adventures living together in the tiny attic of the read brick house on 355 East 500 North.

Dear Kap and Ryan, Seeing you two on Sunday was like finding out, upon arriving, that they're giving away free ice cream at the Creamery (that's never happened to me, but it would make my day if it did). Thank you for being steadfast, strong, and stalwart men of God who strive every day to live the gospel. I want to be more like you.

Dear Kathleena, It was awesome to see you on Sunday. Thank you for showing me around the places in your ward so that I could find somewhere to live! I'm excited to be in the same ward as you!

Dear Heavenly Father, It's not very fun opening up after guarding myself for so long. I guess, though, faith is reckless, so this must just all be part of the plan.

Letters

Dear Alex, Logan and Jon, The rooftop concert on Friday evening was very enjoyable (even though the slanted seats weren't). Thanks for the fun evening!

Dear Jason, The food you made for us on Sunday was SO GOOD!!! You are a top-notch cook! Thank you so super very much for sharing your talents and your food.

Dear Jon, Hanging out at the pool after running 9 miles has to be one of my favoritest things you and I have done yet. It was absolutely divine. Thank you for humoring me by getting in the (not very, but I'll amuse you) "cold" (*cough, cough*) water. You're kinda' the best.

Dear Sunshine, Phew--you're sure staring to get hot! Bring it on!

Dear FHE Family, The hike on Monday night to Battle Creek Falls was fun, chill, and gorgeous. Thank you for the lovely evening.

Dear Ward Soccer Team, Watching you guys play Tuesday night was SO FUN! Thanks for playing a game that was worth cheering through and that got me to hold my breath more than once!

Dear New Car That Belongs to Me, Wait--what?! I own a car?!!! Oh. Yeah. Still getting used to that thought.

Dear Karianne, It made me so happy to see you Wednesday at work! Sounds like you're having quite the crazy adventure up in North Dakota. I'm sad that you have to leave and go back today, but hope you know that I've missed you like crazy and can't wait for you to come back in the Fall!

Dear Scott, You are such and absolutely AMAZING friend for taking me to pick-up my car and then for being willing to be late to work when things went slightly crazy. You are a top-notch guy and a superb friend.

Dear Rachel Smith, I loved talk with you on Tuesday while walking to my car. Let's talk more again soon, okay?

Dear Jon and Coworkers, I had so much fun joining you guys on Wednesday for lunch! It was quite the privilege to be able to sit with ya'll in your little shed and to participate in the vital conversation about Disney movie music. I'm glad that Jon has such happy, upbeat and awesome people to work with.

Dear Emily, Eating dinner with you on Wednesday and coloring with you last night was pretty much one of the bestest things I've done in a very long time! Please, please, please say you'll do it with me again!

Dear Jon, Sometimes I wonder why on earth you still want to spend so much time with me when, after a day like yesterday, I look back and realize how dramatic I can be. I mean, I was even starting to annoy myself! Whatever it is that keeps you around though--even with all my dramatics--I'm extremely grateful for because I really like being with you.

Dear Thursday Temple Visits, You're one of the best decisions I've made all summer. Thank you for the peace and clarity and calm which you bring into my life. I plan on keeping you up.

Dear General Conference Talks, Sometimes you hit it right on the spot. I love how easy you are to access and how wonderfully inspired you make me feel.

Dear Half-Marathon Training, You have not been the best of friends lately. Let's change that, yeah?

Dear Amelia, I really need to write you a letter. I promise, I'm working on it!

Dear Landan, WELCOME BACK HOME!!! I can't wait to hear your homecoming talk this coming Sunday!

Dear Wonderful and Amazing Coworkers, I'm so grateful and blessed to work with people as amazing as you guys. Thank you for providing me with a workplace where I know my needs are just as important as the needs of the office. Thank you for your kindness and for lifting me up when I feel down. I'm so lucky to get to work at such an amazing place.

Dear Heavenly Father, Only two more days until Father's Day! I hope that the way I live my life over those two days can be, in the smallest way, a gift to You. Thank you for giving me the most wonderfully blessed life in the whole world. I love you so very much.

Dear Friday, I'm so super very extremely much excited to make you the best day that I've lived of my life so far! Here's to productivity, living with purpose, looking out for and lifting-up others, feeling the Spirit, choosing to be happy, using my agency wisely and responsibly, keeping a prayer in my heart, loving unconditionally and being just plain all-around awesome!

My Life the Past Several Weeks in Pictures

Ems and I have been having dinner together twice a week. This was a DELICIOUS dish she made--pasta, sauce, tomatoes, spinach....pretty much amazing!

Eric, Jared and I drove down to Pocatello, Idaho the weekend of May 18th&19th for Ellen Lewis' farewell talk. She's headed off to North Carolina! We drove through a crazy storm on our way up, but even that was fun! Besides hanging out with Eric and Jared I got to spend the night at Aunt Christy's place! Ethan, Clancy and I watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy." It was so good to see them. I'm so grateful that Eric and Jared were kind enough to let me join them in this wonderful adventure.

Several weeks ago, Jon got to go to his boss' place and killed a chicken! On Sunday night, after I got back from Pocatello, we grilled it on the BBQ. It was tough meat, but super duper yummy! Scott and Stephen joined us too.

This past Tuesday, May 21st, my friend Steve and I went hiking. After driving around for a while, finding a place, we settled on hiking Stewart Falls. We got there at twilight and made it back to the car just as the darkness was settling in. It was beautiful!

Today, Jon and I woke-up super early to go hiking. We got on the trail around 7:30am and made it back to the truck around 3:30 (that's eight hours!!!) It was a pretty intense hike--steep trails and lots of snow (sometimes deeper than our knees)--but it was SO beautiful. Now, we're both extremely tired, though. We'll definitely have no problem falling asleep tonight.

When we got home, Jon and I quickly pulled out some hamburgers and hot dogs and hosted a Memorial Day BBQ! It was wonderful to spend time with ward members and friends and to eat yummy food.

In a nutshell: my life is crazily blessed right now. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father is looking out for and taking care of my every need. Just when things seemed to be getting pretty bleak, He sent amazing, supportive, loving, good people into my life, and they have made all the difference. To them, and to Him, I am forever grateful.

Letters

Dear Eric, Thank you for coming over on Monday and helping me figure out half-marathon stuff. Knowing that I have a friend to back me up on it all helps a whole lot.

Dear N106, I had fun using my cricut with you guys last Monday at FHE. Our Mother's Day Cards turned out pretty spiffy. 

Dear Poci (aka: Jessica), You are so kind and thoughtful and amazing for bringing me flowers last week! Not that you weren't all those things before. It was just a good reminder. Thank you for being such an amazing example of selfless service and of always thinking of those around you. I love having you for a friend. 

Dear Steve, Sorry the weather was bad on Tuesday and that we weren't able to go hiking! I had fun baking cookies and watching 17 Again with you anyways. We'll have to go hiking sometime soon!

Dear Institute Friends, Wednesday night was fun. Let's do it again this week!

Dear Trevor, The Mexican food and games was SO much fun! Thank you for the wonderful date Friday evening, and I hope that I'll be able to join you guys in eating fish sometime soon!

Dear Five Mile Run With Many, Many Hills, I felt super after you on Saturday morning! What a wonderful way to start the day.

Sarah and I in our new shirts! We both wore them on Sunday to church.

Dear Sarah, I'm SO EXTREMELY VERY MUCH GLAD that you and I were FINALLY able to go cardigan/shirt shopping on Saturday at Cozy! After two months of wanting to go, we finally made it happen! And we look pretty snazzy in our new clothes, if I many say. Thanks for being a fantastic shopping buddy and an even more fantastic friend. You are wonderful.

Dear Jon, When I mentioned to my mom that Sarah and I got a boy to take us clothes shopping she asked if he waited outside or came in the store with us. When I affirmed that it was the later, she labeled "him" an angel/saint (because what boy would be willing to take two girls shopping for clothes?!) I quite agreed with her. Thanks for being "him."

Dear Sarah, Jon, Emily, Jacob, and Poci, I had so much fun going to the baseball game with ya'll on Saturday. Thanks for laughing with me when I asked what "2:55" meant on the scoreboard ("That's the time," Jon replied. "As in the time of day. 2:55pm." Oh.) and for helping me be more American (first baseball game ever!) Hope we can make the fun adventures continue (and that maybe I won't have to embarrass myself quite as much on the next one!)

Dear Brett, Jacob, Sam, and Ems, Washington groupies + Idaho Falls roommate get together on Saturday night was the best. It's nice to see familiar faces among the crowd of BYUites. And I hope you're all on time to work today.

Dear Peaceful, Beautiful Sunday Morning, I have not felt so much peace and calm in such a very long time. I love the beautiful weather. I love reading General Conference talks. I love visiting with friends. I love walking and sitting on the path south of campus. I love writing letters to Amelia. I love the gospel. I love the Lord. And I love having all these things come together in a beautiful span of three hours.

Dear Kyle and Emily Bashaw, Thanks for letting me steal your soy sauce and mustard. I ACTUALLY LIKED THE FISH I COOKED IT ON!!!!!!!!

Dear Everyone, You do not realize how big of a deal the above letter to Kyle and Emily is. I HATE fish. But yesterday, I actually liked it!

Dear Jarod, Nice to meet you. I'm looking forward to grabbing drinks with you later tonight!

Dear New Activities Committee, I'm super excited to join the club! I love being a part of a group with as much focus, energy, care, love, and motivation as you all have. We are going to work magic in the ward over the next few months and the thought gives me drive and purpose. And each of you inspire me to be better.

Dear Gentry and Scott, Noticed that you hacked my facebook account. Thanks for restraining yourselves from doing anything too horrific.

Dear Mom, Thanks so much for talking yesterday and for being more concerned about talking about my life when it was your day. You are an amazing mom and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

Dear Life, After a soul-searching trip to the temple last Thursday, things have been looking really up. I'm so glad to be where I am, to get to learn from the mistakes I've made over the past few months, and to come out better because of the experience in the end.

Dear Heavenly Father, You know where I'm at better than I even do. Thank you for second chances, for giving me opportunities to learn, and for sending examples and friends and help in my life so that I can do it all.

Letters

Photo taken by the one and only lovely Scott

Dear World, Guess what? I gots a new haircut! (It's secretly my way of rebelling against the world and regaining control of my life.)

Dear Alicia and Sarah, I had fun chilling and talking about life this morning. Even though it left me tired, the conversation alone was worth it. We should chill and talk about life again sometime soon (though maybe not so early next time)!

Dear Bethany, Thank you so super much for going to get ice cream with me tonight and for letting me dump all my crazy thoughts out on you. The conversation helped me to feel like I wasn't alone and that someone else understands me. I've always thought you were pretty fantastic; tonight proved it.

Dear Sweet Sauce (aka: ward boy's intramural football team), I enjoyed going and watching your game last night. I know I'm not much of a cheerleader, but I hope you know I was rooting for you the whole time. Way to be awesome.

Dear Rylin, We totally rocked our study session in the library last night. Way to be champs.

Dearest Christopher, Don't get any ideas.

Dear S106, You have no idea how much I have appreciated the warm way in which you have welcomed me into your apartment over the past week. You are all find men. And I mean fine men!

Dear Kent and Marina, I'm so super glad I got to see you tonight, even though it was just for a little bit. You never fail to make me smile.

Dear Scott, Thanks for talking this afternoon for a couple of minutes about life. Talking to you always makes things seem brighter, even when they're already shinning.

Dear Professor Hutchins, You are definitely one of my favoritest teachers I have ever had ever. You make dusty, dry literature seem like Harry Potter book 8. Thank you for your amazing example, easy-going attitude, enthusiasm, knowledge, teaching and all-around awesomeness. I hope I can be a teacher as cool as you someday.

Dear Taralyn, I'm so glad we have gotten to know one another, sitting together every Tuesday and Thursday for Adolescent Lit and Teaching Writing. Know that all your encouragement, kind offers and words of friendship mean a lot to me. A lot. Thank you for being there.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for slapping me in the face various times over the past couple of days so that I can now start living a happier, more meaningful and fulfilling life. You weren't just talking to the Saints in Kirtland on June 1st, 1833, were you?

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: We Cannot Do It Alone

Day Seven: I have been feeling very unmotivated today. Homework has been piling up, it's due tomorrow, and I haven't wanted to do anything but sleep all day. Tonight, when I sat down to attempt doing homework (for the third time) I realized that I wanted the Spirit more abundantly with me because when he's with me, doing my homework is easier. Before diving into the words of the scholars, I turned to the words of apostles and prophets via Mormon Messages. I sat for about twenty minutes, just soaking in their words and pondering. I pondered over the miracle of being a literal child of God, and that He wants me to call Him Father. I marveled at His love and willingness and desire to help me succeed. I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that the most powerful being in all of existence knows me by name and cares deeply about me.

As I sat and thought about all these things, the Spirit prompted me to think about what I have been learning about in my D&C class--the three kingdoms (for more information about the three kingdoms, click here). Out of all the differences between the kingdoms, the one that has most caused me to stop and think is the difference of control. Telestial beings don't have control, Terrestrial beings have total control, and Celestial beings--the greatest of all--surrender complete control to God. Watching these videos tonight has helped me realize that I am trying to live a Terrestrial life in this regard: I am trying to control my life. Every burden life piles on, every item on the to-do list, every worry and care of both mine and those I care about--I try to take it all on by myself.

Not only is this a less happy way of living, it is contrary to the way we were meant to live our lives. It was never intended for us to go through this life doing it all alone. In fact, it is impossible to live our lives the right way when we try to do it on our own. Here I am--trying to do what's right by taking on all of life's hurdles, but I am doing it in the wrong way. Every assignment I get, every heartache that comes my way, every temptation that claws at me, everything I do should be a team effort. Instead of having an "I can do this!" mentality, I need to have a "We can do this" one.

"We": The Father, His Son, and I.

As Paul put it, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

I have a firm testimony that we were all created to do amazing things, but I also testify that we are not meant to and cannot do them on our own. When I finish up this post, I'm going to pause to take a moment to pray, and then my Father, my Savior, and I are going to tackle my pile of homework. It's going to be a long night, but at least I won't have to make it through alone.

Letters

Dear Kaka, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! You are one of my most favoritest people in the whole entire pool of existing peoples!!! Have the happiest and bestest day ever being awesome and turning 17 and doing crazy things and eating yummy food. I LOVE YOU!!!

Dear Abby, We are being AWESOME at doing this whole scripture reading goal thing! only 11 days into the new year and we've read about 80 pages of scripture!!! Let's keep this up!

Dear Kate, I miss doing awesome things together like we did over break. Can we be bestest phone friends and talk this weekend?

Dear Facebook World, Thank you so super duper much for all the birthday wishes! I love you all and appreciate the time you took to think of me!

Dear FHE Family, Thank you muchly for the fantabulous surprise birthday bash. You are all fantastic!

Dear Emily, What the heck! Because our schedules don't coincide  we NEVER see each other!!! This = super lame. We must make up for all this lameness by having super extra much fun this weekend, okay?

Dear Work, I'm so glad things have calmed down so that I don't leave every day with a headache. I hope it will stay this way for a while.

Dear Homework Load, How on any green or brown or blue earth am I ever going to stay on top of you? Sleep may no longer be an option.

Dear Self, For help with above, see: "Trust in the Lord" or "Pray" or "Study your Scriptures Daily".

Dear Heavenly Father, I haven't been relying on you as much lately as I should. I'm sorry. I pray that You will help me learn how to rely more fully upon you during this crazy, pull-your-hair-out semester. I also pray that You will help me learn how to rely more fully upon those around me.

Dear Mom, Thanks for always being willing to talk to me on the phone, especially when I'm being ornery.

Dear Weekend, I'm ready to have awesome fun, do productive things, and be super happy!

Letters

Ems and I with the cousins!

Dear Aunt Christie, Ethan, and Clancy, Thanks again so super much for making this Thanksgiving one of the best ones I've had in years! We got to do so many fun things, but the best part was just getting to know you and feeling so blessed to be a part of such an amazing family. I love and miss you guys!

Dear Shakespeare Paper, I'm not a fan of you at the moment. How bout we stop debating over silly details that don't matter and start making what we write actually applicable to our lives? You probably wouldn't understand--your from the Humanities department.

Dear FHE Family, Decorating for Christmas last night by making paper snowflakes and hanging lights and putting up a Christmas tree (one that smells AMAZING) was super fun! Thanks for being so happy and fun to be with. I really like laughing.

Dear Sarah, I'm glad that I went to the Women of Faith play with you in the HFAC last night. It was a good excuse to skip weight lifting and the stories of the women in the play were inspiring. And, as always, being with you was fun!

Dear Emily and Quaelii, I really enjoyed watching The Amazing Spider-Man with you two on Saturday night! I think we should do it again sometime soon!

Dear Derrik, Decorating your Christmas tree (and rearranging your apartment) on Sunday night was fun! Thanks for the invite!

Dear Brady, I enjoy talking with you outside the apartments in the cold at night. Seeing Divine Comedy this Friday will be fun!

Dear Week, You insist on being crazy and fun and stressful and exciting and tired all at the same time, don't you? Guess I'll take it.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thanks for being patient with me when I'm grumpy and stubborn and prideful and sluggish and frustrated. I promise I'm trying to do better now!

Letters

Dear Heavenly Father, I kept asking, and you just kept saying: "Lindsey, you already know the answer." And you never got annoyed with me, even when I asked you to say it again. And again. And maybe even one more time. And when I still stressed over it (and everything else), You quietly whispered to me: "Don't you trust me? Won't you believe that I'll hold up my end of the deal? I've got your back, Lindsey. Stop worrying so much. Just chill." Because You really won't let me down, and I really do need to stop worrying so much and to start trusting more. You understand and comfort and teach and correct and love with perfection. Always by my side; I just need to move the pavilion. It really will be okay, won't it?

Letters

Dear Stephanie, It was such an awesome surprise to get to see you yesterday! And I finally got to meet Shaun! (and I like him!) Even though it was only 20 minutes, it meant a whole lot to me. I hope that we will be able to hang out over Christmas break and that, this time, it will be more than 20 minutes. I love you!

Dear Jeremy, Thanks so much for inviting me to the football game last night! Even though I only stayed for 1 1/2 quarters, I still had tons of fun. The best part was getting to spend time with you! I'm so super glad that we're friends, Jeremy, and hope that we can be for a very long time.

A picture of Emily over the summer when she went to do a field study in Africa!

Dear Emily Christensen, Yea for getting your mission call and yea for serving a mission in Texas and for doing it in Spanish!!! I'm so glad that you invited me to be there with you when you opened your call; I felt blessed to share in one of your life's special moments. You are going to be an AMAZING missionary. I know that the Lord is grateful to have daughters like you who are willing to go out and do His work. You continue to be an inspiration to me, and I hope that one day I can grow up to be like you!

Dear Nicole, I really, really enjoyed talking to you last night when Emily opened her mission call AND your facebook post on my wall made. My. Day. (and it's been kind of a rough one!) I hope that you and I can make opportunities to do fun things and become better friends. Thanks for being awesome.

Charlotte's finger after our trip to the ER!

Dear Charlotte, Well. A 3 hour trip to the ER last night wasn't exactly what I had planned, but it made for quite the adventure! Thank you so much for thinking to call me so that Rachel and I could help you out. It meant so much to us. I hope that your finger heals fast, and that next time you try to cut butternut squash, you  watch that finger of yours!

Dear Self, Try not to be shamefully embarrassed by the fact that you turned bleach white and practically passed out and had to leave the room last night when the nurse was numbing Charlotte's finger with a needle that was nearly twelve feet long. I mean, since the nurse couldn't even walk you twenty feet away without having you begin to blackout you got to sit in the hallway where you were treated with a Kit Kat bar and some yummy grape juice that had crushed ice in it like the kind they have at Sonic that your mom really likes. It just made the whole night a lot more exciting. And Charlotte didn't even get yummy grape juice and she was the one with the sliced finger, so you should feel pretty lucky.

All because of this guy...

Dear caveman who would faint at the sight of blood in order to stay alive, Thanks for passing the trait along. I appreciate feeling like a  prima donna every time I staple my finger with a staple gun or scrape the skin off my palms or see someone get stabbed at the doctor's with a needle--and then black out. The sensation that your about to lose it is great, and so is the whole "feeling self-conscious and like a wuss" thing. Really.

Dear Abby and Jessica, I hope you had so much super fun today at your first competition! I'm sad I can't be there to see you every time to perform, but I hope you know that I'm routing for you every dot and note of the show!

Dear Rachel and Emily and Amelia (and partly Spencer), Watching The Avengers with you guys tonight was more than exactly what I needed. Thanks for the laughing and the fun. I love you guys!!!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thanks for trying me and for making things not easy. Even though it's hard to appreciate it all right now, I know that it's what I need and that it will help me to become more like Thee. With You at my side, I can do this!

Letters

Dear Morgan, When you waved at me through the window when I was at work it made me super happy on the inside. Our apartment hasn't been the same since you left. I miss you, but hope that life is being super amazing over in Southridge!

Dear Amelia, After Morgan waved at me through the window, I didn't think my day could get any better, but then you came in to get papers to fix your SFL minor. Day officially made. I love you ton-zers!

Dear Bishop, Happy birthday! Thanks for working so hard and sacrificing so much for so many years. For us. Now only have you served our ward directly for the past almost 3 years, but you have living a righteous life before that, which made you worthy for the call. Thanks for all you do and all you are. We love you!!!

Dear FHE Family, Fingerpainting with you guys tonight was awesome. You're all pretty cool peoples. Can we keep being super awesome together? Okay? Deal.

Dear Heavenly Father, For everything I've written above and more, thank you.

Some of the Bestest Letters I've Had in a Long Time

Anna and I went here--the Provo Temple--to do service for those who have passed on on Friday. For more information about temples, click here.

 Dear Anna, I cannot thank you enough for going to to the temple, chalk the block, and red mango frozen yogurt with me on Friday. I have not felt that much like myself since school started. Thanks for being some who just gets it all. Thanks for being someone who listens. Thanks for being an amazing friend. I'm so grateful to Heavenly Father for putting you in my life.

Dear Amelia and Rachel, I'm so glad that I skipped out on doing an extra hour of homework and went shopping at Downeast Basics instead! I love the skirt I got and loved even more that it was half off and loved even more than that that I got to spend time with you two being goofy. Thanks for taking me, and for being the best. 

Grandma, Janet, Emily, and I ate lunch at Guru's! 

 Dear Grandma Sorensen and Aunt Janet, Seeing you two for lunch on Saturday was so much fun! I'm so lucky to have family as amazing, inspiring, supporting, and loving as you two. Emily and I really enjoyed the food, but enjoyed seeing you guys ten bajillion times more! I'm so grateful that our family is sealed so that we can be together forever.

Dear Eric and Jeremy and Emily and Janet, Going to see the Piano Guys in Spanish Fork for FREE on Saturday night was so much fun. Janet--thanks for letting us know about it. It was so good to get to see you again before you head back home. Jeremy and Eric--you are two of my best friends in the world. I love how easy-going and fun and awesome you two are. I don't feel stressed about putting on any sort of face or show when I'm with you. Thank you.

Dear Brian, Cindy, and family, It was so good seeing you on Saturday night at the Piano guys concert. Thank you for being so kind as to invite us to your house for dinner sometime in the near future. It is so reassuring to know that we have family nearby to take care of us if we ever need anything. See you soon!

Dear Eric, I was so super happy that you wanted to watch Henry V with me! Doing movie-watching Shakespeare homework is definitely so much better when you're doing it with friends. Best part of the night: three minutes to midnight, you opened your blinds and brought chairs and speakers outside the window so that we could finish the movie while still following the Honor Code. I felt so cool, and am glad that you're cool enough to want to keep the rules. Keep being awesome.

Dear Emily, I've decided that living with your sister at college is cool plus day-off--of-school awesome plus more. We rock this.

Dear Quaelii, You made this Sunday the best Sunday I've had in ages. I'm so glad that we are visiting teaching companions! Thanks for visiting teaching with me and for talking and playing games and for understanding. Official declaration: You and I are friends.

Dear Jenna, I'm so excited to get to visit teach you and that you love young adult literature like I do! Good luck with your week and keep being your awesome self.

Dear Mary, Happy three-days-late birthday! I'm so glad that I get to visit teach someone as awesome and strong and super as you. Remember--if you lose your super suit, you better let Quaelii and I know! We will get you a new one in a flash!

ShenShen's thumb can bend back super far and her elbow bends inside-out, and Emily's backbone sticks out far enough for her to open the fridge with! Me? I'm stuck being boring. They're so lucky!!!

Dear ShenShen, Dinner with you tonight was so yummy! Thanks for bringing your Chinese dish (which was SUPER delicious!) and for thinking that the food I cooked was so good. I loved being able to spend time with you just talking about life and school and grad school and weird things we can do with our bodies and that Chinese people have more joints than us Americans. I can't wait to see you in the library (like I often do!) and to have dinner again with you second block!

Dear Sarah, Your strength and testimony inspires me. I know that Heavenly Father brought you into my life several months ago so that you could help me with things I'm struggling with right now. Your words on Wednesday night answered so many unspoken prayers that have been residing in my heart for several months. You have literally changed the way I think and the way I will interact with others. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Dear Heavenly Father, With you, my life becomes fulfilling, productive, happy, and so many other good things. Every good thing comes from you. Thank you for giving me reason to get out of bed in the morning and for helping me on the mornings when it's hard to. You are my all, and I don't know where I'd be without you.

Letters

Emily and I at Evidance

 

Dear Emily, I loved being able to go to the Evidance performance last Saturday. Spending weekends with you is the best. I also love having weight-lifting class with you twice a week. Not only do I get to get super strong, but I get to spend time with you. Good luck with school this week! You can do it!

Dear Lauren, You can do it. All of it. End of story.

Dear Gideon, WELCOME HOME!!!! Has it really been two years?! Good job for serving faithfully. It's so good to have you back.

Dear School Week, Please, have a little mercy. Don't kill me.

Dear School Week, Please keep pushing me hard so that I become even more super awesome and learn so many super awesome things!

Dear Self, Think you might be feeling a little conflicted about the school week?

Dear Hymn Book, I really like studying a song from you every night before I read my scriptures. You bring so much comfort and enthusiasm and love to my study. Thank you.

Dear Me, Heavenly Father knows how crazy your life is because He's the one who has given you so many things to get done each day. The responsibilities you have come from Him. Why? He trusts that you can do it. He knows that you can do it. Conclusion? You can most definitely do it.

Letters

This man is the awesomest Dad I have ever had. He is my superhero, and I love him!

Dear Dad and Mom, You take time to come all the way down here to drop Emily off for school and then you treat me by buying me all this super awesome stuff that I've been dying to buy for my apartment for such a very long time and then you go and take us out for yummy treats multiple times and on top of that all you guys are just two of the most awesome people I know in the world. Conclusion: I love you two so stinkin' much! Thanks for being the best parent Heavenly Father could have ever given me.

Dear Lydia, I'm so happy that you could come down with my parents and Emily to spend the weekend with us so that you could check-out BYU. First off, let me say that I'm super impressed that you made it to the age of 17 without having ever set foot into Utah. Sorry we helped you break your record. Secondly, I apologize that we're so boring. Hopefully, you had SOME fun. Thirdly, let me just say that you are really, really awesome. Last night before bed you spent a significant time reading your scriptures and praying and writing in your journal. You are an amazing example of a righteous women who knows that she's a daughter of God. Thank you for being who you are. Keep it up.

Don't you wish you were there too?!

Yes--it's GONE! His hair is GONE!!!

Markie and I! This amazing girl drew awesome pictures while we were at the concert. She is such an amazing artist, and an even more amazing friend!

Heather, Kim, and I at the concert! These two girls are AWE. SOME.

Dear Rooftop Concert Friends, Thanks for sharing blankets and otter pops and for playing games and talking. It was fun.

Dear Jeremy, I'm so glad that you walked home with Emily, Lydia, and I after the rooftop concert. Even though you shaved your head bald, I still really enjoyed having the time to talk with you. I miss you. Lots. Thanks for being an amazing friend and example. You really are one of the brothers I never had. Thanks for filling that hole.

Dear Riley, Thanks for talking on Saturday night. It's so good to know that there are people who love and support me and are willing to listen to me ramble on about my life for an hour and still stay interested and offer words of advice. You are a very good man, and I'm glad to have you in my life. Let's stay friends, okay?

The ward at break the fast!

Dear Ward Activities Committee, You guys are so super awesome for putting together everything for today's break the fast. The food was amazing, but you guys are amazinger. Thanks for dedicating so much time and effort towards your calling. Keep being amazinger.

I can't wait to get to know these two amazing people more!

Dear Bro. and Sis. Anderson, We are so happy and excited and glad to have you be a part of our ward as Bro. Anderson serves as the second counselor in the bishopric. You two are so sweet and I already love both of you!

Dear Bishop, I cannot tell you how much I love, respect, appreciate, and look up to you. Thank you for all you do to serve the members of our ward. I'm so glad that I know you. You make me smile.

Dear Relief Society Sisters, Having the opportunity to serve you is one of the best blessings in my life. I'm humbled beyond description because of the opportunity I have to work with such amazing, spiritual, wise, strong, awesome women. You all inspire me with your testimonies and examples. I love you girls.

Dear Women Who Have Gone Before, Thank you for your faith and strength and testimonies and sacrifices. I aspire to be as great as all of you one day. I'm so blessed and grateful to be a part of the heritage you have left behind for us. I will not let you down.

Dear Emily, I am the luckiest sister in the world to get to live with you for this next year while we're at college. I love how normal and right it feels to have you here with me. You are one of the most amazing people I know. Keep being the amazing, righteous, beautiful, strong, smart, loving, kind daughter of God that you are, and I will try my best to keep away the boys!

Dear Heavenly Father, You know it all already, but thank you.

Letters

Your welcome for making sure that my calf's were not in the picture. I realize that you would have coveted them along with the Chacos, so I left them out. I know. I'm a saint.

Dear Provo, I forgot to mention this the other day, but can I just say that it's wonderfully amazing to feel just as much as if I'm coming home when I land in Salt Lake as it does when I land in Portland? When I came home here, I was just as emotional to see you all as when I got home in WA and saw my family. That means a lot to me. Thanks for being good enough that I could call you home.

Dear Rachel Wirthlin, All this week at work you talked about how Modern Shoe was having a Chacos sale today and that you wanted to go so bad. You probably didn't know that I have been wanting a pair of Chacos myself for quite some time. I went later this afternoon, not expecting much and thinking that they would probably be out. They were. Almost. They had one pair left in the style I wanted AND IT WAS MY SIZE!!! Someone must have broken the laws of the Universe to make that one happen, and I'm glad they did because it made my day. $110 shoes for $60?! Anyways, what I mean to say is: thanks for the heads up and for letting me know about the sale.

Dear Christopher Pister, Even though the more I talk with you, the more we find to disagree on, I'm very grateful that you volunteered to take me to the store to buy my Chacos so that Amelia wouldn't have to and that you were so excited about it. You really are a very good guy, and I'm glad we're friends.

Dear Eric, Thank you SO MUCH for making spaghetti and talking and watching the Olympics with me. You are such an amazing friend. I love your wit and humor, but even more than that, I love you testimony. When you say a pray, you really mean it. I can tell. Thanks for the example. And good luck with your half marathon tomorrow!!! You are going to do AMAZING! I know it because everything you do is amazing. It's just a habit of yours. Keep it up.

Dear Heavenly Father, I was totally fine with you not coming to the rescue today when I needed some ibuprofen. You do so much for me all the time and I was just laughing and thinking it was so ironic and funny that I'd just given away my bottle just two days before. When I came out of the bathroom and said: "So much for charity," I promise I didn't mean it. Really. I was just laughing at the irony. But do you let me go on in pain for the next several hours? Even just this once do you not come to my aid? No! Two seconds after the words left my mouth Rachel walked into the apartment--in the middle of the day when she's not usually home--and another two seconds after that she'd giving me some of her ibuprofen. I am constantly amazed at how fully and completely You have my back, even with the little things. Thanks for taking the time to notice and care about me in my time of need. You're my hero.