What He Sees In Me

Sometimes I find myself wondering: "Do I believe in Christ?"

The answer is always a resounding "Yes." Then I realize that the real question on my mind is: "Do I believe in myself?"

Christ is pure and powerful and perfect. He has healed and forgiven and blessed people throughout all history, in all books of scripture, and even in our world today. I, on the other hand, have quite the different track record. I stumble. I fall. I mess up. I make mistakes. I sin.

When I start thinking these things, I remind myself of a quote that got me through a rough patch in my life. It goes:

"Oh, it is wonderful to know that our Heavenly Father loves us—even with all our flaws! His love is such that even should we give up on ourselves, He never will.We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming." (Joseph B. Wirthlin)

This beautiful statement gives me hope. God is perfect and sees me perfectly, and even despite all my flaws, He still loves me and will never give up on me. So when what I see in myself doesn't seem like enough to believe in, I decide to believe in what He sees instead, and that is enough.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have a daily quote book I'm reading this year and yesterday's quote was from Mark Twain, and goes: “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” I find it serendipitous that the first of the two days mentioned in this quote--"the day you are born"--happens to have been that same day for me. Yesterday was my birthday! But what made me stop and think was the second half of the quote--"the day you find out why" part.

I feel grateful that as of yesterday, I've lived 26 full and wonderful years of not having to stress over and wonder about and find out why I was born because I've always known. I born into a home where the gospel of Jesus Christ was taught, and as such, I've always known my purpose here on earth.

That purpose stems from the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. I know that He sent me here to learn and experience for myself the bad from the good, to gain a body, to prove what I'm made of, and to return to Him because I love Him. I am grateful for the energy and purpose this knowledge gives me.

If you are reading this, that probably means you know me and I consider you a friend. If there's one thing I could give all my friends after all they've given me, it's a knowledge of these things that I've just talked about. If you don't know what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches about our purpose here on earth, I invite you to find out why by checking out Mormon.org. If what you read peaks your interest, you can find out more by talking to someone in person. If not, no harm done!

Thank you to everyone for making the past 26 years fabulous! Besides the lack of brain power I'm already experiencing (just ask my husband about the key fiasco that happened yesterday at church!), I'm really looking forward to being one year older and wiser too.

Primary Songs at 1:30 am

I was grateful to have gone to bed at 8:30 the other night because at 10:30 Phoebe woke up and three hours later I was still trying to get her back to sleep. By this time I was exhausted. It was 1:30 and I knew that even when I finally did get her to fall asleep that she'd be up again later that night to eat again. I was ready to just be done and pass the Phoebster off to someone else! But Jon had work the next morning and I didn't want to wake him, so that it was all me.

In attempt to try something new to get Phoebe to fall asleep, I left the couch and sat in the rocking chair in our living room. I began swaying back and forth in the chair while softly bouncing her in my arms to try and calm her. Then the idea came to me to start humming and singing primary songs to her. So in my out-of-tune, crackly, broken, 1:30 am voice, I started to hum to her the song "I Feel My Savior's Love."

The spirit in the room changed. Phoebe began to calm down and go to sleep. As I continued singing and humming different songs, she began to smile in her sleep, and continued to do so for a longer period of time than I can ever recall her smiling. I began to calm down too. Instead of just trying to triumphantly get a kid to sleep, I started soaking in the moment.

Holy cow! Here I sat with this adorable little baby and she was mine! I was a parent! And in that moment, I was able to worry less about surviving and to focus more on the wonders and beauties and blessings of life.

Life tries to get the best of all of us. There will always be more to do on the to-do list than we have time for. But God has given us enough time to see to the things that truly matter most. What remains to be decided is if we will choose to use it in the way He intends for us to. How much easier this will be to do if we slow down a little and take the time to see the things that truly matter most. Things like when our prayers get answered. Things like opportunities to help out people in need. Things like friends, families, and loved ones. Things like a precious little girl you get to call "daughter" and rock to sleep at 1:30 am because someday you'll be the one she calls "mom."

I'm sure that there will be plenty of nights when I feel like I'm just trying to survive. But I hope that amid all the surviving that I can be mindful enough to pause every once and a while to recognize the miracle of life for what it is and to enjoy living it.

The Phone Call That Changed Our Pregnancy

Jon and I waiting to find out the gender of our baby!

Going to our 20 week ultrasound was super exciting. Jon took the morning off of work so that he could come see the baby and we got to find out the gender...a girl!

Five hours later, however, I got a phone call that changed the mood a bit.

We found some things in your ultrasound, they said.

She has a cleft lip and possibly a cleft palate.

There's signs that she could have Down Syndrome.

And your placenta is bleeding which means your baby may not even survive.

Oh.

I thanked the lady for the phone call and hung up.

You never really expect to get follow up phone calls like that one. Other people get phone calls like that, but not you. Not me. 

At first I didn't really know what to feel. Then, after ten minutes of shock the fear and anxiety started settling in. This isn't the way things were supposed to go. This isn't what I'd wanted. Selfishly, I started thinking about the future life I'd always pictured for myself and how different it was going to be if some of the things the lady on the phone said was true. With a forever dependent child, how was I going to go and do all the things I planned on doing once my kids were supposed to have left the house? And wouldn't it be very challenging taking care of a child with such special and different needs than most other children? I knew that many parents of children with disabilities regarded it as one of the biggest blessing in their lives, but I cowered with feelings of inadequacy at the thought of joining them.

And then as I sat there, I was quietly reminded of two beautiful gospel truths, the remembering of which changed everything. Those two truths are:

1. That God is in control, and
2. That God loves us and will help us through the challenges in this life if we come unto Him.

When I remembered these things, my heart began to change. I realized that regardless of the challenges our daughter would have, that she would be the daughter Heavenly Father wanted to send us. He knows Jon and myself, along with our daughter, He knows what we need, and He loves us all very much. He would not give us anything we couldn't handle, so that means that if He was giving us a daughter with some physical challenges He knew that we could handle it.

In addition, because He loves us, we wouldn't have to take on these challenges on our own. Along with whatever difficulties the future had in store, His helping hand would be there. Jon and I and our daughter weren't in this alone.

Yes, that phone call still changed what we expected our first pregnancy to be like, but remembering these eternal truths changed that phone call and everything that has come since then. We have been to specialists and I've had additional ultrasounds and the whole deal hasn't been smooth sailing. But from the moment I remembered these things, the future has no longer felt scary, but full of beauty and determination and brightness and hope.

Today, the majority of the doctors' concerns about our daughter's health have disappeared except for her cleft, which is so fixable in today's world that Jon and I consider it a blessing. But even if she is born with Down Syndrome, or if sad of sad days comes and we don't get to keep her in this life, I know that God's hand is involved in whatever happens to her--and all of us--in this life, and I'm grateful for the phone call that reminded me of that.

Click here if you want to read my explanation about clefts!

Of This I Am Certain: God Calls Prophets

Noah was a prophet in Old Testament times

I want to follow God's will because I know that what He wants most of all is for me to be happy and return to Him. Sometimes though, amid the crazy world it is hard to know what His will is. There are a lot of ideas about how to live, and it can be confusing knowing what God wants. Thankfully, God didn't send us here on earth with nothing more than a lucky rabbit foot and a call of "Hope you figure it out!" No, God loves us too much to let us try and guess our way back to Him. Rather, He calls men to serve as prophets so that they can reveal God's will to us.

A prophet is a man called by God to speak for Him. Adam--the first man on earth--was also the first prophet. Since then, God has called many worthy men to be prophets, including Moses, Abraham and Noah.

Today's prophet, President Thomas S. Monson

I believe that God continues to call prophets today. The living prophet on the earth today is President Thomas S. Monson. I know that when he speaks from the pulpit that he is speaking God's will. I also know from personal experience, that when one follows the prophet's counsel, one is happier and feels closer to God.

In today's modern world, we are lucky to have easy access to the words of latter-day prophets like President Monson. Every 6 months he, and other men called of God, deliver messages in a meeting called General Conference. These messages can be accessed on lds.org to be read, watched, or listened to. Not only are these messages powerful and inspiring--they are from God.

Latter-day prophets are proof that God still cares about us, still hears our prayers, and still loves us. That is just one of the many reasons why I'm grateful to know that there is a prophet living on the earth today, and why I invite all others to come to know the same.

Of This I Am Certain: God Places Us In Families

One of the ways I know that Heavenly Father loves me is that He sent me to earth to a family. I believe that the family isn't a man made social unit, created only to provide order and stability to society. No, I believe that the family is created by God, and it is the way He intends for us to live on this earth.

It is so wonderful to me that we are not sent to this earth to figure out things on our own. God places us in families so that His children--you and I--have a safe and loving environment to grow-up in and to learn right from wrong. He also wants us to have families so that we can get a sense of what our relationship with Him is like--that just as our earthly parents love us dearly, He loves us dearly too.

Though the family I grew-up in is far from perfect, my parents did a fantastic job at creating the type of home I have just described. Their and my sisters' unfailing love for me has taught me so much about the love God has for me. Like my Heavenly Father, my family takes me for who I am, they want me to be happy, they sacrifice for me, they cheer me on, and they help me become a better person. My life is richer and more meaningful because I have all six of them in it. I can stem every one of my life's successes and triumphs back to them, and I know I am who I am today because of their loving influence. Truly, having them in my life is one of the biggest ways that I know my Father in Heaven loves me.

One of the best parts of this all is that it doesn't stop here. Rather, God has continued to bless me by giving Jon and myself the opportunity to create a family of our own. One of my life's greatest desires is that I may create a home like the one I grew up in for my own children so that they too may feel God's love. In just a few months I get to start on that journey, something which I am nervous and excited and grateful for.

I testify that the family is ordained by God. He is the creator of it. He is invested in it. He cares about it. Regardless of each of our own individual family circumstances, I know that if we approach God and strive to pattern our family relationships after the manner in which He has laid forth, that we can feel an increase of His love for us. It is His intention for us to feel His love, we merely have to reach out and find it where it exists, like in our families.

Of This I Am Certain: God is My Loving Heavenly Father

People of all religions and faiths around the world believe in some sort of higher power. Generally, people believe that this higher power created the earth, is powerful, and should be respected and worshiped in some way. I believe all these things in regards to God in my religion—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One thing that differs from the way I view God from many other religions, though, is this: I believe that God is my loving Heavenly Father. 

Let me clarify what I mean when I say that God is my Father. I have an earthly father whom I love very much, but this is different. What I mean is that I believe what the apostle Paul taught in in the Bible, which is that God is “the Father of our spirits” (Hebrews 12:9). In other words, I have an earthly father who is the father of my body and my father here on this earth. In addition to that, though, I have God, who was the father of my spirit before I came to this earth, and who still watches over me as a father today while I’m here on earth.

Seeing God as my Father, rather than just as a powerful being, makes my relationship so much more meaningful than it would be if I just viewed him as a god. I don’t see God as some disinterested, third party who created me and then left me to be, or who is constantly mad at me for being less than perfect, or who puts up with me because I am here and put the time in to worshiping Him. No. That is not what I know of God. Instead, I see God as a being who loves me. Who cares about me and wants what’s best for me. I believe that because I am God’s daughter, that makes me special to Him. He knows me personally and intimately and wants me to return to Him some day. Because of this, He is invested in me and my life. My successes make Him rejoice while my sorrows make Him mourn.

Believing that God exists toys with the mind; believing that God is our Father touches the heart. My life is more full and joyful when I recognize and feel the love that comes from Him, and I know that such will be the case for any person that does the same, for we are all His children.

5 Reasons to Learn About Mormons from Mormons

Events over the past decade—from Mitt Romney running for president to the debut of the Broadway musical, “The Book of Mormon,”—have brought the Mormon church and its members into the spotlight. If you are not a member, these and other events may have caused you to pause to wonder what it is, exactly, that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe. You may have wondered why members do not drink coffee, why female members do not receive the priesthood, or why members believe that marriage should be defined as a union between a man and a woman. Many people turn to sources outside the church to find answers to questions like these. However, a better way to receive answers to questions about what Mormons believe is to ask the members themselves. Below are just five reasons why. 

Reason #1: If You Want Answers, You Should Go to the Source

There is a lot of information about the church that circulates among people who are not members; some of which is true, some of which is half true, and some of which is not true at all. Individuals sincerely interested in learning about the doctrine of the gospel will find that truth comes more fully and completely when asking someone who lives, believes, and studies the gospel every day. People on the outside can only tell you how things appear. Members, on the other hand, can tell you how things are.


Reason #2: Many Outside Sources Have Never Tried It Out

There are many sources out there who label The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as disgusting, bigoted, cult-like, and false; but many of these sources have never truly tasted of the doctrine for themselves. These sources can provide you with copious lists of Mormon doctrines and Mormon dos and don'ts, but many of them cannot tell you what it is like to live as a member of the church and to believe the doctrine. Members, on the other hand, can.

Reason #3: Accounts of Less Active Members Miss the Spirit of the Gospel

In other cases, some outside sources stem from people who used to be members, but no longer believe. These individuals have just as much right to share their opinion as anyone. However, the bitterness and hostility often found in these accounts lack the fundamental principles of love, patience, and faith that the gospel is built upon. Yes—these individuals’ stories are real, and yes—of course these individuals matter. However, before banking all your buck on these accounts, consider that their experiences may be influenced by misunderstandings, disagreements, or hurt feelings, none of which are the intended outcome for members who live the gospel earnestly.


Reason #4: Members Can Testify of the Blessings of Membership

On the other hand, active and participating members of the church can offer you accounts rich with pure and earnest testimony about what they believe and why they believe it is true.. Make no mistake—Mormon members are not lacking in experiences of heart-ache, loss, confusion, and doubt. But what the members of the church can tell you that many online sources cannot is how living the principles of the gospel have helped them pull through it all. Amid difficult circumstances, trials of faith, losses of loved ones, tears of heartache, and pleas to know if God is there, there are millions of members across the world who can powerfully testify that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true because they have called upon the gospel’s principles when it really mattered, and their faith pulled them through.


Reason #5: It Might Actually Be True

With all the wonderful things that members of the church believe—from the sacred and eternal nature of families, to clean slates and second chances, to a God who loves and knows us all—it would be disheartening to miss out on them if they are true. The only way you will ever know is by going to the Mormon source itself. The lists of facts and half truths that outside sources can offer you will rarely bring you to a place where you can take a taste of the sweet, joyous, and wonderful blessings of the gospel. Only by seeking out the source and trying it out for yourself can you know if it really is true. And what a worthwhile risk to take, because if there is something to it all, if it is true, then the blessings and promises in return are wonderful beyond imagination. 

For Those Who Are Just Curious 

Even if you are not in a place where you want to consider if the church is true, but merely have some general questions, please seek out the members of the church to ask your questions rather than asking someone on the outside. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints want others to perceive them in a true and honest light. Please give them a chance to offer that light and truth by seeking answers to your questions through them. Even if you walk away still unconvinced about the truthfulness of the gospel, you will be walking away with a more accurate portrayal of who the Mormons are, and why they live and believe the way they do.

What to Expect When You're Expecting the Missionaries

One of the primary ways that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spreads its message is through its missionaries. You’ve probably seen the missionaries on the streets, riding their bikes, or knocking at your front door. If you’re curious about the church and want to learn more, talking to the missionaries is a great way to have your questions answered. It can be scary, though, inviting strangers into your home to share a message you don’t know a lot about and are not sure you’d believe even if you did hear it. Today I hope to alleviate some of the fears you might have about inviting the missionaries into your home by explaining what to expect when you have the missionaries over for the first time.

Expect Them to be Young

One of the identifying characteristics about the missionaries is that most of them are young. Although older couples do have the opportunity to serve a mission when their children are grown, for the most part, the LDS missionaries serving around the world are between the ages of 18 and 25. This may be surprising to people outside of the church. However, scriptures suggest that the Lord has used the younger generation to do His work in times past too. For instance, in the Old Testament, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were children when they stood up and requested to not eat the king’s meat (Daniel 1:6). In the New Testament, though it does not explicitly give Mary’s age, we can guess, based on social customs of the time, that she was around the age of 16 when she gave birth to Jesus Christ ("Marry and Joseph"). These and other examples suggest that the Lord does not always have old age as a requirement to serve in His kingdom. He is the one who has called the young people of the church to serve. He trusts them with His message, and so do the members of the church.

Expect Them to Teach You

The duty of a missionary is the preach the word of God. They do this through teaching lessons and answering questions about the church. If you’ve never had the missionaries into your home before, expect them to teach you the first time you invite them in. On their first visit, they will probably teach you about Heavenly Father’s love for His children and the importance of families. In addition to this, they will probably teach you about Jesus Christ and how He restored His church through the prophet Joseph Smith. Feel free to ask the missionaries questions you have while they teach you these things. If the missionaries don’t know the answers to your questions, they will do their best to find the answers to them as long as you ask with a sincere and humble desire to know the truth. Remember that the missionaries do not want to debate or argue with you over rights and wrongs. Rather, missionaries merely desire to share with you what they know is true and then to leave it up to you to pray and discover for yourself if it is true. Ultimately, the missionaries are only tools in the hands of the Lord. The real teacher is the sweet spirit you feel as the missionaries testify. That spirit is the real teacher who will let you know what is true.

Expect Them to Invite You to Act

At the end of your time together, it is likely that the missionaries will invite you to act. They may invite you to read a passage of scripture. They may invite you to pray over the message they have shared. They may even invite you to get baptized at some future date. The reason why missionaries invite people to act is because they know that one of the best ways to find out if something is good is to try it out. We do this all the time with other important decisions we make in life. When buying a car, we take it for a test drive. When purchasing a house, we inspect it before making the sale final. When dating, we spend a lot of time getting to know someone before we commit to marrying them. When making decisions with far-reaching effects, it only makes sense to try something out before fully committing. Acting on the invitations that the missionaries extend to you is how you can put the gospel to the test before fully committing. Reading the scriptures will invite the Spirit into your life. Praying to God and asking Him your questions will invite Him to answer. Pondering over whether or not you should get baptized will give you something to pray to Him about. The Lord Himself endorsed this pattern in John 7:17 when he said: “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.” When the missionaries invite you to act they are merely extending this ancient invitation from the Lord to you today.

Expect Good Things
Meeting with the missionaries can be the beginning of many good things. I have seen one visit with the missionaries lead to better decisions and brighter futures. I have seen one visit with the missionaries lead to changed hearts and mended families. I have seen one visit with the missionaries lead to greater desires to be good and increased feelings of self-worth. I have seen one visit with the missionaries lead to deep joy and lasting peace. These, and many more blessings await those who have the courage to reach out and seek to know for themselves if what the missionaries teach is true.

Whether or not you invite the missionaries into your home to hear their message, I hope that you can appreciate the work they do and the effort they put into sharing what they believe to be true. They may be young, but they work tirelessly and with fierce determination, which to me speaks volumes about the message they have to share. As with all good things related to the church, it focuses on Jesus Christ. I know for myself that their message is true and that it is the best message in the world. I invite you to find out the same thing for yourself.

*If you're interested in meeting with the missionaries, click here for more information. 

Also, click here to watch a fun video my husband's friend recently posted called "6 Things You've Always Wondered About Mormon Missionaries" 

Why I'm Not a Mormon

I spend a lot of time doing what I love most—being Mormon. "Mormon" is a nickname for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In a world that is growing more and more disinterested in religion, it’s easy to assume that Mormons have ulterior motives for being members of the church. I want to take a moment to address some common conceptions skeptics have about why people join religions, and why none of these are reasons for why I’m a Mormon.

I'm not a Mormon because it makes me feel good.

There are many wonderful doctrines of the church that, when I hear and learn about, make me feel good. We believe that every person has great worth. We believe that there is life after death. We believe that families can be together forever. The list goes on. But I’m not religious just because it feels good. In fact, there are many cases when being Mormon doesn’t feel awesome. It doesn’t feel awesome to resist temptation. It doesn’t feel awesome to be the odd one out. It doesn’t feel awesome to be the subject of criticism. If a good emotional high is what I was after, I’d find it somewhere else.

I'm not a Mormon because it provides me with a place to make friends.

I meet most of my friends at church, not because I don’t want friends outside of the church—in fact, some of my best friends are not members—but because I tend to make friends where I dedicate my time, and for me that is at church. This is not, however, my motivation for attending. Being a member of the church is a very time intensive commitment, and I’m sure I could reap the benefit of friends through other, easier venues. To add to this, there have been times when it was hard for me to find friends at church; or times when, though I did make friends, people in my congregation were moody, critical of my efforts, and hard to get along with. In both these cases, I stayed true to the faith. Yes—my membership in the church does provide me with wonderful friendships, but the effort it takes to be a member, along with the occasional less than ideal circumstance or fellow worshipper, confirms to me that I don’t show up to church every week just to make friends.

I'm not a Mormon because I was raised in the church.

I am incredibly grateful that I was born and raised in the church. Because of this, I was blessed with opportunities to learn about and experiment living the gospel from an early age. Many skeptics would argue that my membership in the church today is due to this, and that if I were raised in another home where my parents taught different values, I wouldn’t be a Mormon today. In response to this, I would point out that as I’ve left home to create my own life, there are things that I have chosen to not do the way my parents taught me to. Going through this process of deciding how to live my adult life has forced me to pause and question whether my membership in the church is due to my parents’ faith or mine. After many anxious days and months of sometimes feeling uneasy and doubtful, I have affirmed that the reason I keep going to church is because I have a testimony, not because my parents do. I will always be grateful for the sacrifices my parents made to raise me in the church, but my membership now is a decision made by me, not any outside party.

I'm not a Mormon because I am scared of what others will think if I leave.

If I left the church, more than one person’s jaw would drop. My non-member friends might wonder if I accidentally sipped a lick of beer at their last party, while those in my congregation and family would be disappointed. Surely for some people, the thought of what others might think of them if they were to leave the church is enough to scare them into staying. However, I believe that I receive just as many critical opinions of others by being a member of the church as I would if I were to leave. Being a member of the church brands me as different, and sometimes it’s hard to be the different one. It’s embarrassing to correct myself when I unintentionally tell a little lie. It’s scary being the one who walks out of the movie. It’s hard speaking-up and sharing my church beliefs with others—beliefs that are personal and priceless to me—only to have them turn me down. Of course some people would think badly of me if I chose to leave the church, but by remaining a member I choose to belong to a religion that many people believe is too strict and kooky, therefore making me the target of many unfavorable opinions. Leaving the church would be scary because of what others would think of me, but as a member of the church I already deal with other people’s critical opinions every day; jumping ship will not change that.

Why I am a Mormon.

I am not a Mormon because it makes me feel good or because it’s a great place to make friends, and I’m not committed just because I was raised in the church or because I’m scared of what others will think if I leave. So why am I a Mormon?

Though it can be hard at times, and though it is not the popular thing to do, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Savior and Redeemer of the world.

I love Him.

I honor Him.

I trust Him.

I believe Him and in Him.

I believe that Jesus Christ volunteered Himself before the creation of the earth to come down and sacrifice Himself as our Savior so that we might one day return to live with our Heavenly Father, despite our faults.

I believe the Jesus Christ was born of Mary in a stable, and that this humble beginning was just the start of a gloriously humble life.

I believe that Jesus Christ lived His life as the perfect example of how we should live our lives if we want to be happy, clean, and good. He served constantly, lifting those around Him regardless of faults, and willingly offered second chances.

I believe that Jesus Christ suffered the Atonement and died on Calvary’s cross for each of us. I believe that because of this, we can all access the power to change and become clean again through repentance.

I believe that Jesus Christ rose from the grave three days after His death, breaking the bands of mortality that bind us all, thereby promising each of us life after this one.

I believe that Jesus Christ appeared to the boy Joseph Smith and restored the church that He had originally established when He was upon the earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I believe that I will see Him one day, but that I do not have to wait until that day to come to know Him. I can know Him now, though reading the scriptures, praying, keeping the commandments, and continuing faithfully as a member of His restored church.

Everything else around me may change: family, friends, location, politics, pop culture, jobs, health, socioeconomic status, and on and on. However, one thing that I know will never change is Jesus Christ. He is constant. And because He’s constant, I will be too. I am fixed firmly on being a member of this church because He has asked me, through living apostles and prophets, to be a fully committed and contributing member of this church from yesterday to today until the day I die and on into eternity. And so I will be.

This is why I am a Mormon.

He is why I am a Mormon.

In essence, I choose to be a Mormon because I choose to follow Jesus Christ.

Our Relationship With God

This morning, I read a talk by Elder Holland posted on the LDS.org homepage titled: "Knowing the Godhead." This quote stuck out to me:

"A God who cares about [us] as tenderly as a parent cares for a child cannot be an ethereal mist or a vague philosophical First Cause or a deistic absentee landlord. He must be recognized for what He truly is—a merciful, compassionate Father, in whose image every one of His children has been made and before Whom all of us will one day again stand—and then kneel!" -Elder Holland

As I read this quote in a talk this morning, I felt grateful to have a testimony and a knowledge of this God, the God, our God who loves and cares for us each individually as a parent cares for His children. I know that God is real, that we are made in His image, and that because He loves us all very much, His purpose is to bring us back home to Him.

Thinking of returning home to Him someday makes me think of another quote, this one said by President Benson: “Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar his face is to us.” I love some of what this quote implies--that before we came to this earth, we knew Heavenly Father very personally. 

However, I admit that the more I think about this quote, the more part of it bothers me. I don't want to be startled at how familiar Heavenly Father is when I get up to Heaven! I don't want it to be a moment of shock, like someone coming out of a lifetime of amnesia! Rather, I want to live my life in a way that I come to know Him again in this life, and if possible, to know Him better than I did before. That way, when I do get up to Heaven and see His face, instead of thinking: "Oh my goodness! How could I have ever forgotten?" I can think: "Oh my goodness! I'm so grateful I remembered!"

Once again, I bear my testimony that God is real, and that He really does love us. I know from personal experience that He hears and answers prayers and that He sends angels--often in the form of friends and family--to lift us when we're low. I know that He wants the best for each of us, and that as we come to know Him better, our lives will be enriched.

I end my thoughts with a scripture found in John 17:3: "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent." Eternal life doesn't start tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or in the life after this one. Eternal life starts right now, and that means our relationship with God has to start right now too. Kneel to Him in prayer tonight with real intent, and I promise that it will.

Prophets and Apostles

There were many messages given over the past two days at General Conference that touched my spirit and brought tears to my eyes. One that stands out is Elder Bednar's closing remarks. His remarks about the sacredness and reality of several of the belated apostles' calls resonated with me.

With the recent passing of three apostles and the potential calling of three new ones, I have spent time pondering the past few weeks about the mantle of "apostle" and all that it entails. As members of the church, we raise our hands several times each year to sustain these men as literal messengers from God. When we raise our hand, we testify that we believe they are God's servants and that we will do all we can to support and sustain them.

In that brief moment when we raise our hands, do we ever pause and think on the weight and responsibility that these apostles hold?

This summer, I started reading President Gordon B. Hinckley's biography, "Go Forward With Faith." Because it's such a big book, (but mostly because I haven't dedicated as much time to reading it as I should), I'm still in the middle of reading it. My thoughts so far?

Wow.

What a tireless, humble, hard-working, spiritual giant of a man Gordon B. Hinckley was.

In many ways, he was what one would consider an "ordinary" guy. Like many of us, there was a time in his life when he faced and overcame doubts about the church. Like many of us, he gave-up his dreams when he accepted the call to serve a mission instead of pursing an advanced degree in English. Like many of us, he woke-up at early-hours to begin his day, he worked nearly non-stop on improving his home. he lost his mother to cancer at an early age, and he had to learn how to balance the demands of home, work, and church service. In many ways (and from the book, I take it that his kids would readily agree), he is no different from you and me.


Perhaps, however, what makes President Hinckley different from you and me is his willingness to give absolutely everything to the Lord. As I've read his biography, I've come to realize that his call was not just a matter of being a good example and giving good talks and doing all the "apostle-y" things we see the brethren do. In addition to these already grueling and intimidating tasks, he gave-up sleep (sometimes going days without sleep), time with family, rest, vocational aspirations, talents, energy, heart, and will beyond anything I've yet been able to muster and manage. I would go into the details, but it would require a book to do his life justice, and Sister Dew has already written one. I have not met the man, nor will I ever in this life, but just by learning more about him, I have come to admire and love him dearly not just for being an apostle and prophet, but for being an incredible man.

Elder Bednar's talk caused me to reflect on my reading of President Hinckely's biography because I know something about Elder Bednar that he did not mention in his talk today. Several years ago, my stake had Elder Bednar visit for stake conference. Among his remarks, he mentioned that there was a time in his life when he determined he wanted to be more like the brethren that he admired and strove to follow. This desire began his road of reading every talk ever given and the biographies written about the three or four apostles which he most greatly admired, Gordon B. Hinckley being one of them. Like me, I'm sure that Elder Bednar came to more greatly love the brethren as he learned about their lives and the sacrifice it requires to hold the title of "apostle." I'm sure that his heightened awareness only added to his sense of inadequacy when he himself received the call to serve among them.

Today as Elder Bednar's voice rang with emotion, speaking of and declaring his love for President Faust, President Hinckley, Elder Wirthlin, President Packer, Elder Perry, and Elder Scott, I also felt strong emotions stir within my breast. I too love these men and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude when I ponder upon all they've given to build the Kingdom of God. In addition to those feelings of love and gratitude, as Elder Bednar spoke I felt the Spirit burn within my bosom, testifying to me that not only were these good men who did good things, but that they literally were called by God and that the work they did literally was--and is--His work.

Amid the confusion I've witnessed at Conference these past two sessions as individuals have raised their hands in opposition to the sustaining of Latter-Day apostles and prophets like these, I declare that I know that the men whose names were read over the pulpit yesterday in Conference are called by God, and that I love, admire, respect, honor, and support them in all they do.

What a tremendous blessing it is to live in a day when God's word can be heard again on the earth through the mouth of His living apostles and prophets. We do not have to pay for it, earn it, or search for it. His word is found a click away on lds.org, a touch away on the LDS library app, or a month away in our mailboxes when the November issue of the Ensign comes out.

With these thoughts in mind, I commit to more diligently studying the words of this October Conference over the next few months. Though I cannot support the men who have been called as apostles by doing their work for them or by serving them face to face, I want my sustaining raise of hand to entail more than just a casual agreement to their divine calling. The best way I can think of doing that is by taking their words to heart and doing my best to be better because of them.

I love my Heavenly Father, and I love the living prophets and apostles. I believe that President Monson is God's servant on the earth today, along with all the men who serve with him. This is why I can sing:

I thank Thee, oh God, for the prophets

Who guide me in these latter-days! 

I thank Thee for sending the apostles

I promise I'll never betray!

I thank Thee for for all these men teach me

With their words I know I can withstand.

With desire to support and sustain them

I'll do more than just raise my right hand.

Sisterhood: I Need It!

Over the short month and a half that Jon and I have been married, I have found myself frequently reflecting on something Sister Hinckley once said that was quoted last March in the General Women's Session of Conference:

“Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young. And, hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. It is a sociological fact that women need women. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other.”

IT IS SO TRUE! Since marrying Jon, the two of us have had so many fun and wonderful times together. Yet there have been times when I try explaining to him why I feel guilty after eating a day's worth of food in two hours and he doesn't really understand because food just goes right through him, or other times when I know that if I can just express myself and feel understood that everything will suddenly magically be better, but I know that if I start expressing myself to Jon that he'll just get confused as to why I'm having an emotional breakdown and then I'll feel frustrated. Are these things his fault? No! He just has a different pair of genes than I do, which I'm very grateful for! But though I'm grateful that he's a boy and I'm a girl, and though I have a very strong testimony about the sacred nature of the relationship between husband and wife, there is something special about the bond between females that we as women just need. Like Sister Hinckley said: "Women need women," and living the past several weeks without a lot of female companionship has shown me the truth in her words. 

I suppose it's to be expected after living my entire twenty-two-and-a-half years of life with absolutely all females and absolutely no males (well, there was my dad, but dad's don't count!): going from living in estrogen city to living with just testosterone has been quite a change. And not expecting it has made me a little slow in realizing what effect the change is having on me. 

Tonight though, I talked to my mom on the phone for a long time for the first time since I've gotten married, and lo and behold--I feel better! LOADS better! And it helped me realize how dearly I've been missing that female companionship that I've had my whole life in the room across the way. 

So I'm going to try better to make room for girl time in my life. I'm going to call-up old friends and go out to lunch with new ones. I'm going to meet sisters in my new ward and be a diligent visiting teacher. I'm going to call home to talk to my mom and sisters. I'm going to make sure that I don't lose the sisterhood I have with family, friends, and ward members, and also that I don't lose opportunities to make more of these relationships with new people. 

Marriage teaches me something new every day.

Thoughts on Weeding

Today I weeded for five hours at work. It was a lot of weeding. It was a lot of work. We put forth extra effort to make the flowerbeds near University Street look very nice because there will be hundreds of people seeing them this Friday at the Fourth of July Parade. In the middle of all our hard work, it occurred to me how unfair of a position we—the workers—were in. If there are weeds everywhere, everyone notices and wonders why we are not doing our job so well. If there are not weeds, however, no one takes notice or thought of all the time and effort the city’s Parks and Rec employees put into making the place look clean. Essentially, we get noticed only when people are unhappy, and forgotten when we do a job well done.

As I thought about this, I realized that this is a position Heavenly Father must find Himself in quite frequently. When things aren’t going the way we want them to, when He doesn’t answer our prays at the time we want, when His will isn’t our will—we notice what seems to be a lack of His hand in our life. On the other hand, when things are going great, we hardly recognize all the hard work He puts forth to make it so. Even when we are striving to recognize His hand, there is still so much behind the scenes stuff that He makes happen that we have no idea about.

 I’m grateful for the hand of the Lord in my life and that He still extends it even when I’m too busy or selfish or tired or impatient to notice it. I know that His hand is there in every single one of our lives and that if it ever seems that He is withholding it, it is only because we must first do our part or because He is giving us an opportunity to grow. Just like little children, we do not in the present moment comprehend all that God has done, does do, and will do for each one of us. We have much more to be grateful for than we suppose.

“Living as we do with a veil over our eyes, we cannot remember what it was like to be with our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in the premortal world; nor can we see with our physical eyes or with reason alone the hand of God in our lives.” –President Henry B. Eyring (“O Remember, Remember”, October 2007)

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.” –D&C 58:3

Talents

For the past several months, I've been continually pondering over what talents I have and how the Lord wants me to use them. What talents should I strive to develop? Which ones aren't as important? While I put the subject on the shelf for a while, tonight it came up in a conversation I was having with my friend. We had been talking for a while and the evening was coming to a close. Right as she was leaving, I expressed to her how grateful I was to her for being the amazing woman that she is and for using her talents to serve and uplift others, like she had me. As I pondered on these talents of hers, I started musing to myself about how many people my friend would be able to help Heavenly Father serve if she continues developing her talents as she already has. She has the potential to help so many people! The thought made me excited for her and for me and for everyone.

We all have talents, and because we all have talents we all have something to be excited for. We don't know in the present moment how Heavenly Father will use us, through our talents, to help those around us in the future. But it is exciting to imagine the many ways that He may, and will be even more exciting to see how He really does.

So yes--talents are exciting; not just for the joy they bring us when we use them in the moment, but for the thought of the joy that they may bring others when we use them in the future.

"God knows our gifts. My challenge to you and to me is to pray to know the gifts we have been given, to know how to develop them, and to recognize the opportunities to serve others that God provides us." -President Henry B. Eyring ("Help Them Aim High," October 2012)

Give the Benefit of the Doubt

Today while I was picking weeds along Center Street in Provo at work, I listened to President Utchdorf's talk, "Your Wonderful Journey Home." This part in particular stood out to me:

"Now, take a moment right now and look at the people around you. Some may be your leaders, friends, or family members. Others you may have never met before. Nevertheless, everyone you see around you—in this meeting or at any other place, today or at any other time—was valiant in the premortal world. That unassuming and ordinary-looking person sitting next to you may have been one of the great figures you loved and admired in the sphere of spirits. You may have been such a role model yourself!

Of one thing you can be certain: every person you see—no matter the race, religion, political beliefs, body type, or appearance—is family. The young woman you look at has the same Heavenly Father as you, and she left His loving presence just as you did, eager to come to this earth and live so that she could one day return to Him…

…Life can be difficult, and it can harden hearts to the point where certain people seem unreachable. Some may be filled with anger. Others may mock and ridicule those who believe in a loving God. But consider this: though they do not remember, they too at one time yearned to return to their Father in Heaven."

As I listened to President Utchdorf's words, I did as he instructed and looked up at the people around me. Many of these people were seemingly ordinary, people who were on their lunch break or on their way to a meeting for work. But as I thought more about it, I considered the people who are often found on other blocks along Center Street, those who seemingly camp out in front of the tobacco store and bars. These people are often dirty, unkempt, their hair is long and unwashed, their bodies are shriveling away from lack of nutrition and their hands shake because the addictions in their life are so consuming that they can't hold still. Sometimes they sing random made-up songs that don't make sense to random citizens on the street; other times they talk to people who aren't even there. As I thought of these people in the context of President Utchdorf's words, my heart ached with compassion and love for these people. These too are my family. Even though they have now taken paths that have lead them down dark and lonely roads, they too were faithful in the life before this one. 

This experience, coupled with some of the thoughts I have had over the past several days, convince me that we would all do a little better to give one another more of the benefit of the doubt. It is so tempting to judge the addicted beggar on the street, but we would be much happier if we extended a hand of love and encouragement instead. It is easy to judge someone who is in a bad temper, but if we  merely assume that they are just having a bad day, we will walk away feeling charity for that individual rather than contempt. 

I know that the happiest people in the world are not those who walk around assuming the worst, blaming others, and sticking up their noses. The happiest people in the world are those who live with a spirit of kindness and love continually in their hearts. Not only do these people help those who's lives they touch, they help themselves. Why? Because those who act as Christ did and would come to know Him. That is happiness.

Faith

Today in Relief Society we were talking about faith. During our lesson, I learned something awesome. I learned that someone who has sincere faith in Jesus Christ will also have sincere faith and confidence in themselves. Why? Because one who has sincere faith in Christ believes that He was perfect, that everything He did was for a noble and righteous reason. Therefore, that person must believe that the Atonement was not a mistake, that Christ did it for a noble and righteous reason. And what was that noble and righteous reason? It was so that you and I could return to Heavenly Father and one day be perfect. If you and I were not worth it, then Christ's Atonement was a mistake, which means that He is not perfect. But He is perfect, and He did perform the Atonement for a noble and righteous reason, because we are worth it.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

To Him, you were worth it. 

Priesthood Blessings

“Brethren, young and old, do not be hesitant to ask for a priesthood blessing when you are in need of spiritual power. Fathers and other elders, cherish and magnify the privilege of blessing your children and the other children of our Heavenly Father. Be prepared to give priesthood blessings under the influence of the Holy Ghost whenever you are requested in sincerity and faith.”  -Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Yesterday in Sunday School was talked about the power of the Priesthood. One girl shared that since she's come to college, she sometimes really misses being able to receive father's blessings from her dad because they were very special to her. As I was sitting in class listening to her, a thought occurred to me. I realized that, as special as a father's blessing is, that ultimately every blessing is a father's blessing--a blessing from our Heavenly Father. Every priesthood blessing we receive--though it may be administered by different hands--originates from the same loving, caring, kind individual. The Father of us all is the one who gives us priesthood blessings and He has a very personal and concerned interest in our well-being and the affairs of our lives. The next time I receive a priesthood blessing I hope that I will be able to think beyond the hands on my head and remember what is at the heart of what is happening and being said. 

Thoughts on the Fourth

I am so grateful to live in a land with such a beautiful, rich heritage of brave men and women who sacrificed so that those who would come after them could enjoy the blessings of living in a free country. It has never been easy to stand in battle, to stand for truth, to go against the grain; yet so many have. For you. For me. Today, I am thankful for the Founders, the soldiers, the leaders, and the everyday men and women who have given their all so that we could have it all. We really are so extremely blessed.

"I reverence the Constitution of the United States as a sacred document. To me its words are akin to the revelations of God, for God has placed His stamp of approval on the Constitution of this land [D&C 101:76–80]. I testify that the God of Heaven sent some of His choicest spirits to lay the foundation of this government, and He has sent other choice spirits — even you who read my words — to preserve it."  -President Ezra Taft Benson, The Constitution--A Glorious Standard

The Good Shepherd

Today I was studying why Christ has the title of "shepherd". In my searching, I came across this scripture:

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."  -Isaiah 40:11

This scripture is so beautiful and tender to me. I cannot help but see a loving, compassionate Savior when I read these words. It is such a good reminder that at the root of everything Christ has done--and still does--for us is love. He loves us so much. He gave everything for us. And continually, day by day, He desires to hold us close and to lead us back to our heavenly home. He is patient. He is kind. He gives us the benefit of the doubt and sees us as who we truly are and can become. He is gentle. He is perfect. And above all, He is there for you and I. He did not give His life thousands of years ago on our behalf only to abandon us right now. I know that He lives and that He is just as invested in the daily dealings of your life right now as He was in the daily dealings of the people in Jerusalem two millennium ago. Come unto Him and He will lead you to still waters and there, with Him, you can find rest.