25 Days Reflecting on Learning: We Cannot Do It Alone

Day Seven: I have been feeling very unmotivated today. Homework has been piling up, it's due tomorrow, and I haven't wanted to do anything but sleep all day. Tonight, when I sat down to attempt doing homework (for the third time) I realized that I wanted the Spirit more abundantly with me because when he's with me, doing my homework is easier. Before diving into the words of the scholars, I turned to the words of apostles and prophets via Mormon Messages. I sat for about twenty minutes, just soaking in their words and pondering. I pondered over the miracle of being a literal child of God, and that He wants me to call Him Father. I marveled at His love and willingness and desire to help me succeed. I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that the most powerful being in all of existence knows me by name and cares deeply about me.

As I sat and thought about all these things, the Spirit prompted me to think about what I have been learning about in my D&C class--the three kingdoms (for more information about the three kingdoms, click here). Out of all the differences between the kingdoms, the one that has most caused me to stop and think is the difference of control. Telestial beings don't have control, Terrestrial beings have total control, and Celestial beings--the greatest of all--surrender complete control to God. Watching these videos tonight has helped me realize that I am trying to live a Terrestrial life in this regard: I am trying to control my life. Every burden life piles on, every item on the to-do list, every worry and care of both mine and those I care about--I try to take it all on by myself.

Not only is this a less happy way of living, it is contrary to the way we were meant to live our lives. It was never intended for us to go through this life doing it all alone. In fact, it is impossible to live our lives the right way when we try to do it on our own. Here I am--trying to do what's right by taking on all of life's hurdles, but I am doing it in the wrong way. Every assignment I get, every heartache that comes my way, every temptation that claws at me, everything I do should be a team effort. Instead of having an "I can do this!" mentality, I need to have a "We can do this" one.

"We": The Father, His Son, and I.

As Paul put it, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

I have a firm testimony that we were all created to do amazing things, but I also testify that we are not meant to and cannot do them on our own. When I finish up this post, I'm going to pause to take a moment to pray, and then my Father, my Savior, and I are going to tackle my pile of homework. It's going to be a long night, but at least I won't have to make it through alone.

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: The Power of Fasting

Day Six: This past week I learned about the power of fasting. That Sunday, my FHE brother, John, gave an amazing talk on the power of fasting. The previous week I had been feeling like I should fast for something; John's talk is what finally convinced me to do it. The next day, Monday, I fasted. Throughout that day and the rest of the week, I thought a lot about the thing I had fasted for. I sought direction from the scriptures, from General Conference talks, from reading my Patriarchal Blessing, from talking to those close to me, and from prayer. At first I think I let my pride get in the way of getting an answer because I was only letting myself look for an answer that I wanted. Slowly, though, the Lord softened my heart. Saturday night the Lord answered my prayers and questions, and I received some of the sweetest, surest pieces of revelation I have ever received. This experience has greatly strengthened my testimony of fasting. When coupled with a sincere desire and effort, the Lord will not let our fast go unnoticed. He will answer our prayers.

“Also, I give unto you a commandment that ye shall continue in prayer and fasting from this time forth.” –D&C 88:76

25 Days of Learning: Being Me

Day Five: This weekend I learned a lot about myself and what I want to be doing with my time. It involves spending more time with others and letting myself be myself without worrying about how others may receive me. After all, what's the point of being received by others at all if it's not the real you they're receiving? I could go on a lot longer, but the point of the matter is that I'm awesome as 100% me. Not as 30% me with a side of timidity or 65% me topped with what I think people want to hear or even 99% me with just a little held back--only the 100% version will allow me to be happy and do what God intends me to do. Does He want the 100% me to become an even better, more refined 100%? Of course. But changing to become a better me is different than changing to become just plain better. God made me the way I am on 100% purpose and He needs all 100% of me to do His work, no 30% with a side will do. As Dr. Seuss puts it:

I intend to start living as the Youest You (or the Mest Me) I can possibly be. Nothing could be better.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: Playing in Photoshop

Day Four: Today in my Teaching Media in the Contemporary Classroom class, I learned how to mess around on photoshop. The just of the lesson: if you don't know how to do it, google it. Pretty crazy how you can learn how to do almost ANYTHING by looking it up on the internet nowadays, isn't it?

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: I Can Trust the Women in My Ward

This is a picture of some of the women I have been blessed to associate with during my time as Relief Society President in the 41st Ward. Most of them have moved on to live elsewhere now, but this picture still reminds me of the power I have seen in all the women I have served with. All of them are amazing!

Today I learned that I can trust the women in my ward to fulfill their callings. One of the things I stress most about in Relief Society is helping and trusting girls to fulfill the role they have been called to. Sometimes, I would almost rather do everything myself so that I can feel safe knowing what has been done and what hasn't. But doing everything on my own would be murder and would rob other fantastic girls of the blessings they could recieve from serving the Lord.

This evening, when I got home, I finished divvying up the new Visiting Teaching assignments and then texted my new supervisors and coordinators, letting them know that the assignments were ready to be picked up and passed out. Then, I waited anxiously for them to come and pick them up.

That last part was a lie. I didn't have to wait from them to come and pick them up nearly at all! Isn't that just splendidly wonderful? All of them were over at my place within half an hour--happy and willing and ready to help with what I asked them to. Since then, I have felt relieved because I know that I can trust these girls to get something done when I ask them to. They have proved themselves tonight, and I'm so excited to get to keep working with them throughout the semester.

The knowledge I gained tonight only solidified something I already knew: that the women in my ward are amazing. I see it every day: in the clothes they wear, the things they post on facebook, the conversation they have with friends, the comments they make in church, the kind things they say to me--all of it leaves me standing in awe that so much of the world's goodness could be condensed into such a small group of women. I am blessed to get to associate with them.

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: Making Sandwiches and Dressing Like a Boss

Day Two: Today I learned how to make amazing sandwiches at FHE:

Sandwich made by: Audrey, Sarah, Drew, John, and I

 The (Obviously) Better of the two Sandwiches: French toast with ice cream, peanut butter, and nutella in the middle. Topped with whipped topping and drizzled chocolate and caramel syrup.

Sandwich made by: Emily, Amelia, Rachel, Scott, and Gentry

The (Obviously) Lesser of the Two Sandwiches: Ingredients unknown (Sketchy, right?)

Scott and Gentry also taught me how to dress like a boss in negative degree weather:

Thank heaven for armpit holes in jackets and nice calves, huh?

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: Knowing My Limits

Day One: I know I'm kinda cheating, writing something I learned yesterday a day late, but I ran out of time yesterday and so I'm writing it now. I had a super awesome realization/epiphany/oh-my-gosh-that's-why-I've-been-feeling-so-crazy-lately moment. Yesterday, I learned that I have a limit, and that I've been pushing myself past that limit for a long time. Last semester was crazy busy (what semester isn't?) but not just with school. It was busy with school and church and figuring out life. To deal with it all, I spent a lot of time trying to serve people because that makes me happy (it will make you happy too--I promise. You should try it). Serving others helped me deal with all the craziness, forget myself, and have a feeling of purpose.

Yesterday I realized, however, that I have maybe been taking the whole forget yourself and serve others principle a little too far. I think that I have been trying to serve others too much.

What? Hold on--wait:

WHAT? Lindsey saying that too much service isn't good? What on earth happened to the universe?! All she ever talks/thinks/breathes about is how important it is that we serve others. It's pretty much what keeps her blood pumping.

Yes, you read right: you can go overboard with the desire to serve others, and I think I fell off deck a while back and haven't realized it until now. Rather than having me explain it though, I'll quote President Eyring from this last Relief Society Conference:

"The Lord, who is the Master Nurturer of people in need, gave inspired counsel to weary caregivers in these words delivered by King Benjamin and recorded in the Book of Mormon: 'For the sake of retaining a remission of your sins … I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.'

"But then He goes on to warn those of you who might fail to respond to the evidence that you are pushing on too far and too long in your loving service: 'And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man [or any caregiver] should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.'

"That counsel can be hard to apply when the choice seems to be balancing a desire to do all you can to help others with the wisdom to be prudent in meeting your own needs to retain your power to serve…The Holy Ghost is sent to you and to those you care for. You will be strengthened and yet inspired to know the limits and extent of your ability to serve. The Spirit will comfort you when you may wonder, 'Did I do enough?'"

Yesterday, the thing I learned was that I haven't been wise enough to balance my "desire to do all [I] can to help others with the wisdom to be prudent in meeting [my] own needs". I have been pushing myself so much out of the picture that I've been left feeling wrung-out and exhausted because my needs aren't being met. I've been feeling lonely and without friends not because I don't have them, but because when I finally find time to be with them I'm so tired drained from serving others that I don't have enough energy to, in a sense, serve myself by being myself. Last year, I was often energetic, happy, cracking jokes, being sarcastic and witty Lindsey. This year, I've been feeling too tired to be myself because I haven't left enough of myself for me--I've been giving all of me away to others. How ironic that in my efforts to give to others, I have given too much, and therefore stopped myself from being able to give as much as I could have because I'm not my best "me".

When I had this realization, I looked to the Savior's life and realized the truth in President Eyring's words. The Savior did not spend every waking moment healing the sick and raising the dead. Even He took time to go off on His own to ponder. Even He needed to spend some time with His disciples next to the fire, just talking. Even He needed friends and confidants. Were His needs always met? No. There are many, many examples of when the Savior sacrificed His own needs to fulfill others', the Atonement being the ultimate example of this. But when the will of the Father allowed, He used wisdom in making sure His needs were met along with the needs of the multitude.

I want to do better at not letting myself run on empty. I want to be better at reaching out to receive love and support from others when I need it so that I can love and support them and others in return. I want to be better at asking for service. I want to be just a little more selfishly me.

Now, this doesn't mean that I'm going to stop being crazy about wanting to love and help everyone in the world realize their worth and potential--service is still my mantra and I'll live and die by it (and think you should too)--but I am going to take it a little more slowly. The world needs me, as it needs each of us, but I also need me. This semester, while setting out to serve and love the world, I hope that I can give a little more time to serve and love myself. I hope that I will be able to, as President Eyring says, "be strengthened and yet inspired to know the limits and extent of [my] ability to serve." I trust the inspiration President Eyring talks about here because I know it comes from someone who loves me and has the fulfillment of my needs as one of His greatest concerns. Together, He and I will be able to fulfill everyone's needs--including my own--better than I ever could on my own. 

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: An Introduction

Yesterday for Relief Society, we talked about the importance of learning. Our manual quoted President Snow saying the following:

"In this system of religion that you and I have received there is something grand and glorious, and something new to learn every day, that is of great value. And it is not only our privilege but it is necessary that we receive these things and gather these new ideas." (see here)

Kelly, my awesome secretary and superb friend, and I were talking about it and came up with the idea of keeping a learning journal, similar to how people keep a gratitude journal. I've decided to do it, at least for a little while. 25 days of little while, to be exact.

Many more tidbits of things I'm learning to come!