July 2018

July was the best month I've had all year. It's been so full of time with family and fun that my house is a disaster, but my heart is full. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed me with such amazing family. 

And little Phoebe? She's not so little anymore! She's in the 98% for height, is walking/running like crazy, eating, clapping, sippy-cup-ing, babbling, laughing, and being the joy of our lives. One year old looks good on you, Phoebees! 

Because we did so much, I'm going to split July's photos into separate posts. In the meantime, here's a little squish to brighten up your day!

June 2018

First Row:

• We had s'mores at our place and Phoebe LOVED the attention!
• We said goodbye to some of our favorite missionaries--Sis. Lee, Sis. Olmstead, and Elder Brown!

Second Row:

• Phoebe and I went to my sister-in-law's place to spend the night.
• Phoebe started walking and loves the independence! 
• We went to the zoo for the first time. Phoebe didn't quite get it and found it more entaining to watch the zookeepers talking about the animals than the animals themselves, but it was still nice to be outside with family and friends.

Third Row:

• We started cutting out some grass in the front of our yard to put in this flower patch. 
• Kate graduated! What?!!!
• To celebrate Kate's graduation, the sisters went and goofed off at Walmart. It's surprising how fun that store can be after 9pm.

May 2018

First Row:

• We went to the Northwest Wildlife Park. Phoebe liked to see the animals, but by the end it was nap time.
• We met with Phoebe's doctor at Seattle Children's and he says her lip is doing great. Whoo-hoo!Jessica came and spent a weekend with us. We watched a movie and had treats and went to the park and went shopping and were sad when she had to go.

Second Row:

• Phoebe and I traveled down to Vancouver with our friend, Carlene, to do some hiking down in Southern Washington. We hiked to Falls Creek Falls, stopped to look at Panther Creek Falls, and hiked through Forest Park in Portland.
• Phoebe is leaning to get into things she shouldn't....
• We met up with Mom in Chehalis and went for a bike ride

Third Row:

• My cousin, Alex, and her daughter Hazel were in town. It was great catching up!
• Aunt Emily came for a weekend of fun! She was a good sport hanging out with us at a family BBQ, going on a walk, and helping us with some yard work.
• We got a grill! I set it on fire and almost burned our house down about a week into having it, but besides that, it's been fantastic to have around!

April 2018

First Row:

• Phoebe takes after her dad...she loves watermelon!
• Phoebe FINALLY learned to take a bottle (and mom is very happy!)
• Phoebe loves to stand at and play with the learning table.
• Aunt Jessica came home from her mission in California and met Phoebe for the first time.

Second Row:

• Jon and I ran away for a weekend and went clamming for the first time with our friends, the Grays and Ballejos'.
• Phoebe and I went on several bike rides...one with Carlene Gray and one with my mom.
• Phoebe likes swinging in the swings.
• Jon attempts to dress Phoebe and puts her clothes on backwards.

Third Row:

• Phoebe and I met up at the park with a bunch of wonderful girls from church. The kids played on the playground while we played cornhole.
• Jon had us dress up and take redneck photos for one of our FHE activities....Phoebe wasn't sure she liked it...
• The weather started getting nicer and we played outside (yay for having a backyard!)
• I BEAT JON AT BOWLING! I was very humble about my triumph. 

Fourth Row:

• Phoebe has decided that shopping carts were made backwards because she can't see where she's going.
• Phoebe was intrigued by my family's dog, Hickley, one stay there. "Da! Da, da, da!" (translation: Dog! Bark, bark, bark!) is her first "word."
• Phoebe has her first sucker (and a lot of other "first" in the junk food category)...she thinks sugar is pretty tasty.
• We went to my sister-in-law, Laura's, place for Easter to watch the last session of General Conference and have Easter dinner.

Phoebe's Surgery

Phoebe has a new look! On March 13th, she went in to have her cleft lip repaired. As I already said, it was a bittersweet day for Jon and I, but overall we are so happy and know that Phoebe is still our same wonderful Phoebe.

The most stressful part of the day was getting to the hospital in time. We left for Seattle Children's Hospital at 5:10 am to get there for Phoebe's 6:30 check-in. When I checked the googlemap on my phone twenty minutes into our drive and it said that, due to a crash, the drive would take 2 hours and 40 minutes, we got a little anxious. But we said a prayer and ended up only being five minutes late.

Phoebe was her normal social butterfly self as we got checked in and met with all the nurses and doctors. I was calm until they took her away...she didn't cry, but I did! But after calming down, Jon and I went out into the main areas in the hospital and waited to see how things turned out.

The nurse in surgery paged us at 10:45 to let us know that everything in surgery was going as planned, and at 11:45 they paged us to let us know that they were done and our doctor was coming out to meet with us. He did, telling us that everything went smoothly, and we expressed our gratitude to him. Shortly afterwards, I went back to the recovery room to feed Phoebe--which they try to do right away to encourage the baby to find comfort in eating rather than in heavy pain medicine--and by one o'clock we went up to join Jon in our hospital room.

You could tell that Phoebe wasn't feeling so well that day. Normally, she wants to see everything and she's never been one for snuggling. That day, however, all she wanted was to be held in my arms, resting her head on my shoulder. She didn't really want anyone but me to hold her, but Dad did a fantastic job at getting her to smile and laugh. Miraculously, the only pain medicine they had her take were Tylenol and ibuprofen, which seemed to get the job done.

The next morning, our old Phoebe was already returning to us. She seemed to be saying: "Get me out of this small hospital room! Let me crawl around! I want to see everyone and do everything!" No more head on the shoulder, and sitting around was boring. Luckily, by this point she was no longer attached to any monitors, so while we waited for things to wrap up, Jon and I walked the halls with her. She loved seeing the murals on the walls and saying hi to the nurses.

We were in the car and on our way by 10:30 that morning! Everyone was more tired than usual, but happy and well.

That was two weeks ago, and Phoebe is healing beautifully! She wasn't taking any medicine by the Saturday after the surgery, and the swelling died down within the first week. Two days ago she got the stents that were placed to help shape her nose removed and the doctors said everything looks fantastic. Phoebe's scar still needs to form a bit more and there's some things they've asked us to do to help with that--like applying gel and doing gentle massages. We'll also be checking in with the hospital about once a year, just to make sure things are going okay and to keep an eye on some things.

We are grateful for all the kind words, thoughts, prayers, and fasts offered on our family's behalf at this time. We have amazing family and friends and were blessed to associate with amazing medical personal throughout this whole adventure (Seattle Children's is fantastic!). And of course, we are blessed to have our wonderful, beautiful Phoebe!

Seattle Children's Hospital

One of the biggest blessings through the adventure of repairing Phoebe's cleft lip was being able to work with Seattle Children's Hospital. I cannot say enough good about them. They have the friendliest receptionists--both over the phone and in person--that I have ever worked with and their medical personnel is top notch. I felt like people actually listened to me when I expressed questions and concerns and that they actually wanted to help me and my daughter. Above all, I can see in the eyes of the nurses and doctors that work there that they are passionate about their work not just because they enjoy the job, but because they care about the patients they work with. 

In a nutshell--this hospital is just full of genuinely good and caring people. Their goodness, paired with the goodness of their line of work, makes it a place where the veil between this world and the next is thin. Phoebe is a lucky girl to have been taken care of at such a special place.

Here's some snapshots of the people we worked with (click on their names):

Our Plastic Surgeon: Raymond W. Tse, MD

Our Pediatrician at Seattle Children's: Emily R. Gallagher, MD, MP

February 2018

Here's a bit of what we were up to in February...

First Row:

• We got together twice with our friend, Cassy, for lunch.
• We hiked Tiger Mountain with my friend, Erika. Phoebe did great the first 5 miles, but protested the last two...
• Jon and I went mountain biking at Swan Creek. It was the first time I've gone in a year and a half and I LOVED it! Plus, the bike Jon got me for my birthday is awesome!

Second Row:

• The family went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the BYU v. Gonzaga basketball game. BYU lost unfortunately, but the food was good and Phoebe loved it (all those TVs and noise, you know?)
• Jon took a day off work and my family came to watch Phoebe so that he and I could go skiing. I learned that I appreciate skiing more than snowboarding, though I still pretty much fell down the mountain the whole way.
• While my parents and Kate were in town to watch Phoebe, Kate got creative and invented the "Swami." #mysisteriscoolerthanyours

Third Row:

• While in town, my dad helped us do a lot around the house. For example, he hung this beautiful shelf he made me for Christmas. He also helped us fix our kitchen light (it needed more than a new light bulb), hang a shelf in Phoebe's room, and hang a plate in our kitchen. Yay for handy/awesome dads!
• Phoebe and I met up our friends--Lui and her daughter, Suri--at a yummy Asian bakery. I love Lui and Suri...we happened to meet each other at a library baby storytime, and since then have become really good friends. Yay for yummy treats and awesome friends!
• It snowed in Tacoma! For a whole week! We almost didn't know what to do with ourselves.

And then because I can't help but make a collage of Phoebe pictures...

Phoebe Month Six

This month, Phoebe...

• ...Ate her first veggie and fruit solids. She hates peas, doesn't mind green beans, and loves fruit. At first, she just took what she didn't like with a sour face. Now, she utilizes her cleft to spit distasteful foods out.
• ...Had her first Christmas! She got books and bibs and clothes and a few toys.
• ...Met Aunt Jessica "in person" over Skype.
• ...Can sit up all by herself without any help.
• ...Is becoming much more aware. She's learning what she wants, and when she wants it, SHE WANTS IT! She can't say any real words, but the closest is "Nah! Nah! Nah!" when she doesn't want something. (Great--her first word is going to be "No.")
• ...Learned she has a tongue and made us laugh for a week by sticking it out at us.
• ...Started riding in the stroller forward facing without the car seat adapter. 
• ...Got the surgery for her cleft scheduled. It's going to be on Tuesday, March 13th. 

I love taking the time to put together these photo collages because it forces me to slow down and really think about Phoebe as a person. Sometimes in the route monotony of daily living, taking care of Phoebe can feel like a to-do task. But when I slow down and think about her like today, I feel immensely grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed us with such a sweet little girl. For the most part, she's very happy, ready to giggle, wanting to see the world, excited to meet new people, and loving her mommy and daddy. Sometimes I have to remind myself that baby Phoebe isn't going to stay baby for forever, so I better soak it up while I can. 

Phoebe Month Five

Here's what Phoebe's been up to in month five...

• Trying out--and loving!--rice cereal. She's so anxious to eat it when we feed her that she yanks the spoon towards her face!
• Her first big road trip. We went to Idaho for Thanksgiving.
• She's stopped trying to eat her hands as much and has moved on to trying to eat her feet. She could probably be a yoga instructor with some of the poses she comes up with in order to get her foot into her mouth.
• She's much more aware and loves to play! That means that sometimes when mom (me!) sets her down, that's pretty boring and that silly mom should pick her right back up. Hence, I've discovered that if I ever lost a hand, I could still get a lot done around the house.
• She continues to love walks and runs with mom.
• The bathtub is her happy place.
• When she's tired, she makes bubbling noises with her mouth.
• She's stopped squealing so much, but still loves to be with people and in new places.
• She's crying for me to go pick her up from her nap right now, so I guess that's all I get to tell!

Dear Phoebe

Dear Phoebe,

Today while I was rocking you to sleep in my arms I looked at you in the mirror and what I saw caught me off guard—you have a cleft lip! Now, I’m not blind. I know that you have a cleft lip. I’ve known that you were going to be born with one ever since you were 20 weeks old and still in my tummy. The thing is, I don’t think about you that way. Your lip does not define you in my mind.

When I think of you, I don’t think of the gap in your lip or the surgery you’re going to have to have. Instead, I think of the cute smiles you make when you see me because you recognize me as “Mom.” I think of how you giggle with Dad, how you love to be with people, or how you calm down when you watching the ceiling fan. I think of how you get fussy sometimes at night or of how sometimes you’ll get this shocked look on your face after you gas as if to say: “Was that me?” I think of camping with you, walking with you, shopping with you, visiting with you, driving with you, laughing with you, loving with you, living with you. I think of so many different things, but rarely do I think of your cleft.

I don’t know how “normal” you’ll look after your surgery in a few months. I hope it goes well and that soon no one will be able to tell that you were ever born looking different than most babies. But regardless of how it turns out, I hope you also never define yourself by your lip, or any other physical feature for that matter—good or bad. Our physical characteristics may describe us, but they do not define us or make us who we really are. Who we are comes from the inside, from things that last. I hope that instead of defining yourself by the shape of your lip you define yourself by the size of your heart. I hope that instead of measuring yourself by the height of your head you measure yourself by the strength of your character. I hope that instead of listening to the lies of Satan that you listen to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost and remember that no matter what, you are always a child of God.

The way you see yourself will determine, in large measure, where life takes you. Instead of going down a road of self-pity and self-consciousness, I want you to live life with confidence and love. The less you focus on yourself and the more you focus on others, the happier you will be. So instead of introducing or thinking of yourself as “the girl with a scar on her lip because she was born with a cleft,” I want you to introduce yourself as “Phoebe Esther Self” without stopping to explain or justify. Just be your best Self, do good, and people will see the real you without you having even said a word. As President Monson says, the future is as bright as your faith. I hope you make yours a bright one.

Love, 

Mom

Phoebe Month Four

Phoebe's personality has really started to shine this past month. She really likes being around groups of people and has even decided to start trying to "talk," or in other words, squeal really loud. It's hilarious, but means that mom has to spend some of sacrament meeting in the hall.

In addition to this, we think she may be teething. She's been drooling, drooling, drooling and chewing on anything she can get her hands on (or if she can't get her hands on anything, just her hands will do).

Bottles? Don't even mention them. She hates them.

Sometimes at night, I feel the effects of "no, this is not an 8-5 job and I still want you to hold me right now please...please....PLEASE!!!" and it can be a little tiring. But then I sit down to compile this collage, or to watch a video of her laughing in the bathtub, or to watch her play with Dad, and suddenly it's all worth it. Motherhood can be exhausting, but what an adorable squish I get to start it all off with, a squish I wouldn't trade the world for!

Phoebe{s Third Month

What a busy and fun third month! Phoebe has more personality than ever! She smiles all the time, knows what she wants, knows how to get what she wants, and is absolutely adorable!

We met a lot of new friends Phoebe{s third month! First of all, we met Courtney while we were waiting for our tires to get rotated and balanced. We{re seeing her again tomorrow at the pumpkin patch! Later, we saw a group of moms running together at the park and thought it looked like fun, so we asked if we could join them. Now, we go running every Wednesday with them in the morning. On another day at the park, we met our friend Alexis whom we met up with again the following week at Story Time With Baby at the library. So while being a stay at home mom can sometimes be lacking in conversation, having a baby is sure a good way to start one up and make some good friends!

And it{s already halfway through month four! Time is flying (and my keyboard is broken...ahh! for no apostrophes)!

Phoebe's Second Month

Month two with Phoebe was so much fun! She's figuring out this whole being a human thing slowly but surely...she now knows how to smile, likes it when you play with her, and "talks" when she's in a good mood (all of which are making figuring out this whole being a mommy thing a lot more fun!)

Her most striking feature has to be her eyes. They're a beautiful indigo blue and seem to always be twinkling. People comment on them all the time! As for her hair, it looks to be brownish, unless you hold her in the light, and then suddenly it looks very red. So we're thinking it might come in as auburn?

No matter the colors of her features, we love this little squish!

Mom and Kate Helping Phoebe's First Week

I was both too tired and overwhelmed when Phoebe was first born to write much about her first week home. There's a lot to remember from that first week, and something I want to make sure I don't forget is that my mom and my sister, Kate, came into town to help. It was fantastic to have them here--both so willing to hold Phoebe--so that I could have a chance to breathe between feedings and take everything in. Here are some of my favorite pictures of them while they were here!

Phoebe's Baby Blessing

The past few days we've enjoyed spending time with family for Phoebe's baby blessing. Jon's family flew into town for the weekend and were able to meet baby Phoebe for the first time! We spent Saturday evening with them at my sister-in-law--Laura's--home. 

Sunday my family drove up from Washington to join the crew for the actual blessing. When Phoebe was blessed we had Grandpa Self, Grandpa Rogers, Uncles Perry and Austin, along with our friends Pierre and Joe in the circle. It was wonderful to have so many people whom we love to participate. Jon gave the blessing, of course, and did a wonderful job at listening to the Spirit to know what to say.

After church the Gray's were kind enough to let our families come over to their place for lunch (our place is a little too small for 15+ people). The food was great, but just having the time to sit and talk with loved ones was even better.

My family and Laura's family drove home Sunday night, but Jon's family got to spend the night with us. We enjoyed watching the solar eclipse on Monday morning before they had to leave to catch the bus and hop on the plane home. 

We already miss everyone so much!

Here's something to remember how cute she is:

...And here's something to keep reality in check:

You're Invited!

Consider yourself invited to Phoebe's baby blessing!

Phoebe's First Month

Sleeping, eating, bathing, crying, smiling, and just being plain cute...it's been a fun adventure having Phoebe around for her first month of life! Here's just a glimpse of why this cute little girl has us wrapped around her finger and why I think we'll keep her around. 

Primary Songs at 1:30 am

I was grateful to have gone to bed at 8:30 the other night because at 10:30 Phoebe woke up and three hours later I was still trying to get her back to sleep. By this time I was exhausted. It was 1:30 and I knew that even when I finally did get her to fall asleep that she'd be up again later that night to eat again. I was ready to just be done and pass the Phoebster off to someone else! But Jon had work the next morning and I didn't want to wake him, so that it was all me.

In attempt to try something new to get Phoebe to fall asleep, I left the couch and sat in the rocking chair in our living room. I began swaying back and forth in the chair while softly bouncing her in my arms to try and calm her. Then the idea came to me to start humming and singing primary songs to her. So in my out-of-tune, crackly, broken, 1:30 am voice, I started to hum to her the song "I Feel My Savior's Love."

The spirit in the room changed. Phoebe began to calm down and go to sleep. As I continued singing and humming different songs, she began to smile in her sleep, and continued to do so for a longer period of time than I can ever recall her smiling. I began to calm down too. Instead of just trying to triumphantly get a kid to sleep, I started soaking in the moment.

Holy cow! Here I sat with this adorable little baby and she was mine! I was a parent! And in that moment, I was able to worry less about surviving and to focus more on the wonders and beauties and blessings of life.

Life tries to get the best of all of us. There will always be more to do on the to-do list than we have time for. But God has given us enough time to see to the things that truly matter most. What remains to be decided is if we will choose to use it in the way He intends for us to. How much easier this will be to do if we slow down a little and take the time to see the things that truly matter most. Things like when our prayers get answered. Things like opportunities to help out people in need. Things like friends, families, and loved ones. Things like a precious little girl you get to call "daughter" and rock to sleep at 1:30 am because someday you'll be the one she calls "mom."

I'm sure that there will be plenty of nights when I feel like I'm just trying to survive. But I hope that amid all the surviving that I can be mindful enough to pause every once and a while to recognize the miracle of life for what it is and to enjoy living it.

Phoebe's Cleft Lip

If you read the post I wrote before we had Phoebe about her cleft, you've probably been wondering how everything turned out. Well, let me tell you--things with Phoebe's cleft turned out as fantastic as we could have hoped for! She has a tiny cleft lip, but it's not as severe as it could be, and she's been able to breastfeed even with the cleft (something that is always questionable with clefts). Besides that, she has a small wave in her gum line and her nose looks slightly smashed on the side with the cleft. But that's it! She doesn't have a cleft palate, which is probably the biggest blessing because with a cleft palate comes potential problems with feeding, hearing, and speech.

What does this all mean in terms of surgery? Sometime between Phoebe being 6 months old and a year, she will have a surgery to cosmetically repair her lip. The surgery will be performed at Seattle Children's Hospital and we've been told that it will take about three hours. She'll stay overnight at the hospital and then we get to take her home the next day. They'll check up on her the following week to make sure that everything is okay, but that's it! The doctor told us that there's a good chance that the wave in her gum line will fix itself, but if it doesn't, the surgery for that wont be until she's between the ages of seven and nine. Same diagnosis for her nose, except surgery for that, if needed, wouldn't be until she's a teenager.

So it looks like we're in for a visit at Seattle Children's in a couple of months and then we just get to go on living life as normal (or as normal as possible when you're sleep deprived because your baby wakes you up at least twice every night to feed!) Quite frankly, we kinda think that her lip makes her super cute and we'll be a little sad to see it go! But what a blessing that we have the means in today's world so that it can be fixed and she can feel like the beautiful girl that she is when she gets older.

Thanks to you all for your love, care, and support! The response I got to my previous post was overwhelming and uplifting. The Selfs are blessed with amazing friends!

Welcome, Phoebe Esther Self!

As ya'll have probably already heard...Jon and I had our baby!

Phoebe Esther Self was born on July 8th at 10:39 pm. She weighed 6 lbs, 7 oz and measured 20 inches long.

The past few weeks of mommyhood have been crazy! Crazy overwhelming, crazy happy, crazy exhausting, crazy cute, crazy stressful, and crazy special. Jon and I love Phoebe to death and even when she keeps us up all night, we still want to keep her!

Here's to the next 18 years of stressing, laughing, teaching, not sleeping, and loving!