7th Graders and Curls

We talk about a lot of things you'd expect us to talk about in my 7th grade English classes, but one of my classes loves talking about something you wouldn't quite expect: my hair. It all started when Jon decided to buy me a curling iron for my birthday. Excited for the challenge (it's always a challenge for me when it comes to using beauty products and styling tools), I woke up early one morning shortly after receiving the gift and curled my hair before heading off to school.

That day at school was fairly normal. I think I got a few complements on my hair from some of the teachers, but it wasn't like my hair was making headlines. That started the following week when, in this particular class, I had one of my students raise his hand at the beginning of class and say:

"Hey, Mrs. Self--you should do that hair curling thing more often."

Because my hair has everything to do with reading Phineas Gage and writing expository papers.

The class readily agreed with the student, so I told said student that, just for him, I'd try making the time to curl my hair the next morning.

Fast forward to the next morning. I'm feeling a bit sick and decide that I'd rather get the extra sleep than wake-up earlier to allow time for me to curl my hair. Well, that didn't bode so well with said student.

First thing at the beginning of class from the mouth of said student: "Mrs. Self! You didn't curl your hair!"

"Yeah!" the class exclaimed.

"I didn't," I confessed. "I wasn't feeling very well this morning and decided to sleep instead."

"Oh. Question: is this what your hair looks like normally?"

"Yes. Well, actually, no. Kind of. I have to--" I paused, realizing how ridiculous it was that we were discussing my personal grooming habits in an English class. "This is totally off topic! So pull out your books and turn to page 24..."

The next morning I decided that if this was such a big deal, that I'd better take the time to curl my hair. Within 20 seconds of entering the school, one of the students from this class saw me.

"Mrs. Self!!! You curled your hair!!!"

"I did!" I replied.

"Said student is going to be so happy!!!" she exclaimed, stars in her eyes.

Later that day at lunch, one of the faculty members who works in this class with me saw me in the lunch room and exclaimed a similar cry.

The time of this class finally arrives. I start things up as normal and the kids silent read for the first 15 minutes or so. Then, I call everyone to attention to go over some announcements. Before I even say anything, several hands shoot up into the air. I try (very unsuccessfully) to hold back a smile and tell them to hold their questions 'till the end.

I finish giving the announcements and purposefully call on a student other than the one obsessed with my hair. Regardless, the comment is the same.

"You curled your hair!"

"That's what I was going to say!" cries the obsessed student.

Now there's no point in my trying to hold back the smile, for the whole class seems to be celebrating my accomplishment with a curling iron. I think they might have even cheered for me.

Ever since that day, if I curl my hair or try something new with it, I will get compliments on it shouted emphatically across the room before class starts or whispered to me quietly while I pass out papers. There's a lot of stressful things about purposefully placing yourself in the midst of a room full of hormone-raging pre-teens every single day. Most of the time, when I tell people what age group I teach their eyes get wide and they tell me I'm crazy. I have buckets full of experiences that would suggest that these people are right; I have days when I'm more than willing to agree with them. But what a lot of people miss seeing in these cute little souls is that underneath all the attitude, misbehavior, and noncompliance is a whole lot of love, and when you're the English teacher who gets a curling iron for your birthday and uses it, you feel a whole lot of it. It's one of the more selfish reasons for why I teach.

A Letter on My Wedding Day...TO YOU!

Dear YOU,

A few weeks ago at work, I was listening to a talk by Sister Dalton while I was picking weeds. In her talk, Sister Dalton shared a story about a group of young women who trained and prepared all summer to walk from the Draper, UT temple to the Salt Lake, UT temple--a distance of 22 miles. Each week as they prepared, they learned about temples. Sister Dalton describe the day when they made their final trek. They had leaders with food along the way. They received encouragement from family and friends. The young women participating in the walk helped each other. And at the very end awaited their families--there at the Salt Lake City temple.

Sister Dalton concluded her story with this statement: "The temple walk is a metaphor for your life. Parents and priesthood leaders stood guard along the route. They provided support and aid. Young women guarded and encouraged each other. Young men admired the strength, commitment, and stamina of the young women. Brothers carried sisters who had been injured. Families rejoiced with their daughters as they ended their walk at the temple and took them safely home."

As Sister Dalton spoke these words, tears came to my eyes. I began to reflect on what a wonderful place in life I was at--engaged to a wonderfully righteous man, about to start a full-time teaching internship, feeling closer to God than I have at almost any other time in life--yes, life was so good. And then tears came to my eyes as I thought of all the people in my life that sacrificed and gave and helped and encouraged and uplifted and inspired me here. Gratitude filled my heart to the brink and I could not deny the love of God and His hand in my life.

And that is how I feel today. Amid the excitement and nerves and happiness and butterflies and joy, above it all what I feel is an immense feeling of gratitude for everyone who has helped me get here to the temple with the man I love. For the primary teachers and young women's leaders. For the home teachers and visiting teachers. For the bishoprics and stake leaders. For the school teachers and classmates and band council members and NHS friends. For the priesthood leaders. For the family friends. For the friends that grew up with me and the friends I've made at college. For the family--extended and close, old and new. 

Today, as I enter the temple to get married to the man I love for time and all eternity, I think of all of you. To any of you who have helped me in times of need, been a listening ear, shown and taught me the way, blessed and uplifted me, laughed with me, cried with me, encouraged me, touched me in any way--to you I must say thank you. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today and for helping me find my way along the path of life so that today I am filled with more happiness than can possibly fit in my heart. 

This past week, with the culmination of today, has been the best week of my life up to this point. Why? Because it's given me time to realize how many, many people the Lord has blessed me with throughout my life and how, because of all those people, I'm very, very loved. 

Here I go, my friends! I hope to see many of you tonight at the wedding reception! And for those of you who can't make it, know that I'm just as equally grateful for you're influence and love you just as much. 
Teachers, friends, and family like you are the thing that make life worth living. 

Lots and LOTS and LOTS of Love,

Lindsey (Soon to be Self!)

Christmas Through Heaven's Eyes

My heart has been touched recently with love from God and with loving admiration for those around me. I have been blessed to feel a greater measure of the Spirit in my days. I have been blessed to see those around me through His eyes. I have been blessed to taste the love God has for my fellowmen, which has increased the love I have for them myself. In this season of Christmas, amid the business of finals and shopping and decorating and travel, I pray that I may be able to keep this love within my heart and to use it to guide my perspective and my everyday dealings with the loved ones that surround me. I do not want to sell that which is most important to me for a bowl of porridge; I do not want to overlook caring for and loving those around me for far lesser aspirations, such as doing good in school. People--not grades or goals or things--create the substance of life.

This Christmas season, I want to start looking at things a little more through Heaven's eyes.

Jesus Christ

In between all the craziness of the day today, I took a moment to watch this video. I loved it. I can see myself in the man sitting at the water's edge: thinking that I know what I need to help and heal me when all I really need is Christ. That's what we as Christians believe, isn't it? In a world that seeks the answers to their problems in self-help books, better organized schedules, bigger paychecks, more friends, increased self-discipline, and valiant causes; we know that the ultimate remedy to any heartache, stress, problem, or fear is Jesus Christ. He will help us. He will heal us. He will save us.

Tough Love

"I remember vividly the dreadful circumstance into which a young lady had managed to fall several years ago. She was not a BYU student but was a Latter-day Saint, and yet her very life seemed to be disintegrating before our eyes. As a result of trying to play with the net down, trying to live without rules and without restraint, she was experiencing the moral and spiritual stupefaction of a broken marriage, illicit moral behavior, dark drug abuse, and finally physical violence. She was descending into a personal hell from which no one seemed to be able to retrieve her and from which she personally did not have the wish or the will to turn away.

Her mother and others who had great concern for her had been in contact with me. Her Church leaders had tried to help. All seemed to no avail. The weeks became months, and human life unraveled before our eyes.

Then something happened. A lifelong friend of this young woman contacted her and tried, with love, to open her eyes and touch her heart. When neither her eyes nor her heart seemed to be yielding, this friend, this sister in the family of God who understood Paul's reminder that when one member suffers all suffer with it, grabbed the lapels of her friend's heavy winter coat and shook it with all her might. She shook her with all the strength her 105 pounds could muster, and, sobbing, she said through her tears, "Look at yourself. Don't you see what you are becoming? Look at yourself! I can't stand it anymore. I love you, and you're breaking my heart." At that she let go of the lapels of the big heavy coat and with tears streaming from her eyes turned and ran away.

The young lady whose life was in such jeopardy later recalled for me her response to that encounter. She said, "I don't know exactly what happened in that moment. Perhaps I am not likely ever to know. I had been talked to by many people, and little of it had meant anything to me. But if I live to be a hundred, I will never forget what I saw with my eyes and heard with my ears as this my childhood friend looked at me with utter anguish and screamed into my soul, "I love you, and you are breaking my heart."

Today that girl is the beautiful, happy, safe, and productive young woman which she once had been and which surely God meant her to be. She has been remarkably successful in a graduate program at a very good university. She is fully active in the Church, and she is devoted to a life of responsibility and respectability—all because someone in her own way said at the right time and with the right intent that whatever disappointments there had been, these two were forever sisters and disciples of Christ. That stunning declaration not only changed a life, but it quite literally saved this one. We need such brothers and sisters nearby us."  -Jeffry R. Holland, The Demands of Discipleship

I have been thinking a lot lately about the different ways that we try to help those around us who are struggling. I have come to the conclusion that there are two main ways to approach help people: coddling and tough love. Often, because we don't want to hurt people, because we want them to like us and to not think we are attacking them, or because we're afraid of losing their friendship, we coddle. In many cases, however, I have noticed that while coddling is great at first, what lots of people need is a wake-up call. They don't need someone who will sit and dwell over all their problems with them all day long, they need someone who will tell them to knock it off and help them to fix their problems. Of course, it should be done with love. Of course we should try to understand and sympathize. But I believe that sometimes the best way to show that we love is to expect the best of our friends and to let them know when they're falling. Then, once they come to themselves, we can do everything within our power to lift them back up. Yes--I'm a firm believer in tough love.

25 Days Reflecting on Learning: We Cannot Do It Alone

Day Seven: I have been feeling very unmotivated today. Homework has been piling up, it's due tomorrow, and I haven't wanted to do anything but sleep all day. Tonight, when I sat down to attempt doing homework (for the third time) I realized that I wanted the Spirit more abundantly with me because when he's with me, doing my homework is easier. Before diving into the words of the scholars, I turned to the words of apostles and prophets via Mormon Messages. I sat for about twenty minutes, just soaking in their words and pondering. I pondered over the miracle of being a literal child of God, and that He wants me to call Him Father. I marveled at His love and willingness and desire to help me succeed. I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that the most powerful being in all of existence knows me by name and cares deeply about me.

As I sat and thought about all these things, the Spirit prompted me to think about what I have been learning about in my D&C class--the three kingdoms (for more information about the three kingdoms, click here). Out of all the differences between the kingdoms, the one that has most caused me to stop and think is the difference of control. Telestial beings don't have control, Terrestrial beings have total control, and Celestial beings--the greatest of all--surrender complete control to God. Watching these videos tonight has helped me realize that I am trying to live a Terrestrial life in this regard: I am trying to control my life. Every burden life piles on, every item on the to-do list, every worry and care of both mine and those I care about--I try to take it all on by myself.

Not only is this a less happy way of living, it is contrary to the way we were meant to live our lives. It was never intended for us to go through this life doing it all alone. In fact, it is impossible to live our lives the right way when we try to do it on our own. Here I am--trying to do what's right by taking on all of life's hurdles, but I am doing it in the wrong way. Every assignment I get, every heartache that comes my way, every temptation that claws at me, everything I do should be a team effort. Instead of having an "I can do this!" mentality, I need to have a "We can do this" one.

"We": The Father, His Son, and I.

As Paul put it, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

I have a firm testimony that we were all created to do amazing things, but I also testify that we are not meant to and cannot do them on our own. When I finish up this post, I'm going to pause to take a moment to pray, and then my Father, my Savior, and I are going to tackle my pile of homework. It's going to be a long night, but at least I won't have to make it through alone.

An Instrument in His Hands

"And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work." -Alma 26:3

"The greatest thing in the world is love. And if we keep that always in our hearts, and give it as a message to those about us, we will be blessed and will be instruments in blessing those with whom we associate."  -Clarissa S. Williams, Sixth Relief Society General President, Daughters in My Kingdom page 74

"The sweetest experience I know in life is to feel a prompting and act upon it and later find out that it was the fulfillment of someone’s prayer or someone’s need. And I always want the Lord to know that if He needs an errand run, Tom Monson will run that errand for Him." -President Thomas S. Monson

"Is anyone sitting there?" I asked the lady on the plane. 

"You are!" she exclaimed. She moved the bag and bottle that had been sitting on the seat and I meandered my way down into the seat. The older lady was sitting on my left and to my right, sitting next to the window, was Kim Low--a girl from my home stake whom I happened to see out in the waiting area before we boarded the plane. I was feeling pretty lucky that the seat next to her was still open by the time I got onto the plane. 

Kim and I said hi to each other and started talking. 

"Why were you in Vancouver?"

"How are things at school?"

"You've graduated already, haven't you?"

"Where are you working right now?"

It occurred to me while we were talking that I should maybe take a second to say hi to the lady sitting to my left. I usually try to at least introduce myself to the people I sit next to on planes. But Kim and I were having a good time talking, and I figured I could introduce myself in a bit.

We were still waiting for the plane to take off when there was a brief lull in our conversation.  

"Do you two know each other?" piped up the lady, filling the pause.

Kim and I looked at each other and then back at the lady. We explained to her that we were from the same stake and also both went to BYU.

"I know the tennis coach at BYU," the lady said. "His name is Pierce. The tennis team is really good. You should look him up."

I asked her how she knew the coach.

"My son does tennis.  But he doesn't go to BYU. I'm not Mormon. But Pierce is really nice." 

I was beginning to feel like the lady really wanted to talk. Not about tennis or BYU or Mormons, necessarily, but that she just needed to talk. So I turned myself towards her, leaving Kim to read her Harry Potter book, and Paula and I talked for the next hour and a half while our plane made its way to Salt Lake City. 

The conversation I had with Paula is one of the best conversations I've had my whole life. It wasn't the content that made it so special, but the spirit that attended it. Throughout the conversation she mentioned that the reason she was in Oregon was because her father had just passed away and that she had been taking care of him and then, once he died, she had to take care of her mother. It seemed like she wanted to talk to someone about it, but I thought it would be good to talk about some other things first. So we did. We talked about her time as a nurse. She asked me what I was studying at BYU. We talked about God and serving people. We talked about Methodists (her choice of religion) verses Mormonism and about how sometimes it's hard for her to live in Utah because there are so many Mormons and she's not one of them. We talked about education. We talked about her son who's in Japan serving in the navy and her other son who's starting his senior year of high school and wants to go to NYU to study film. We talked about her involvement with a program her church does called Family Promise where they help single moms and their kids start over again. We talked about how she met her husband and my own dating life. 

In the middle of our conversation, when I felt like we knew one another a little better, I asked her about the experience with her father, and she was so glad to talk about it. She shared how hard of an experience it had been for her. She told me that her mother had althimers and that it was really hard to place her in a home. She told me about how, right after her father passed away, she went in the other room and suddenly felt a great sense of peace and love and knew that Jesus and her father were telling her it was okay and what she needed to do. She said most people thought she was silly for saying that and I told her it was the least silly thing I had ever heard. She really opened up and told me everything, and I had the sweet opportunity to be able to listen. 

"God sent you here to sit next to me," she told me several times during our flight. "You're not a coincidence, you're a God incident. He's always sending angles into my life. You're one of those angels."

At other times she would laugh and say: "I can't believe God sent me a BYU student to help me!" 

Paula and I laughed. We were serious. We hugged each other. When the plane landed I walked with her out to the baggage claim and pick-up area. 

We said goodbye to each other and gave one another one last hug. 

"Thanks again, Lindsey. You're so sweet. I would have cried the whole plane ride home if it hadn't been for you." 

I left, and that was it.

Now. I haven't shared this experience because I want to brag because I helped someone out who was having a bad day (Alma 26:11-12). I hate self-righteousness. I share this experience first of all, because it's something I want to always remember. I also share it because I want to add my testimony to President Monson's and testify that it is a truly humbling and sweet experience to know that the Lord has used you to help someone in need. I followed the Spirit when he prompted me to talk to Paula, and ended up having an incredible experience. I wasn't there to convert Paula or to shove a Book of Mormon down her throat. I was just there to be a friend. Through the experience, I got to feel the Spirit and the love Heavenly Father has for her. I know that she is special and that she is a daughter of God who is doing her best to be her best.  

I want my life to be filled with Paulas. Like President Monson, I want the Lord to be able to trust and rely on me to answer the prays of others. I cannot describe to you how humbling it feels to know that the Lord used me to help someone who was in need. That He trusted me. That I was an instrument in His hands. 

Seek out those promptings of the Spirit and determine to follow them when they do come. I promise you that   you will live with greater peace and joy when you let the Lord use you to do His work. When you do, some of the greatest experiences of your life will follow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

"If ye love me, keep my commandments." -John 14:15

"We manifest our love for Heavenly Father by keeping His commandments and serving His children." -True to the Faith

Send Heavenly Father a Valentine. Be super awesome, choose the right, and make someone else happy today!