Becoming a mom has been wonderful, but there have definitely been ups and downs. This past Sunday morning I was feeling more down than up. Compared to the care I'd seen other mothers administer to their children, I felt my efforts were mediocre at best. And how horrible that was--to feel inadequate at what I've always felt to be the most important job in the world.
There we sat: Phoebe was in her car seat, ready to go to church and crying, and I sat in front of her eating a king sized chocolate bar and almost crying. Jon was already at church attending pre-meetings and feeling very alone in that moment, I felt more than a little overwhelmed.
Amid the chaos of the moment, the Spirit spoke a very important message to me, one that I will never forget. He said: "Perhaps it seems like so-and-so or -so-and-so could do a better job at mothering Phoebe, but I did not send Phoebe to them. I sent her to you. Phoebe needs you to be her mom not just because any random person could do the job and you happened to be available, but because she specifically needs you."
Peace fell over me. My awareness of my flaws and imperfections didn't fall away, but suddenly I didn't feel like they disqualified me for the job. Heavenly Father, knowing all about my flaws and imperfections, sent Phoebe to me anyway and trusts me with her. It is my "me-ness" that makes me qualified for the job, that makes me the mom for Phoebe.
One of Satan's tactics is to make us feel inadequate and unqualified for the tasks that the Lord gives to us. And let's be honest, the reason we listen to him is because lots of times he's right--often we are inadequate or unqualified! But when we feel this way, we need to remember that the Lord makes no mistakes in who He calls to do His work. He will help us as we turn to Him in humble and sincere prayer and He will make up for what we lack. The only mistake is on our part when we don't do this and instead listen to Satan's whisperings or try to do it all on our own.
Now when Phoebe starts crying right when I lay down to take a nap or when she poops on her car seat (or the car itself) and I "get" to clean it up or when it's the middle of the night and she wants to eat even though she ate less than two hours ago and I'm exhausted, I'm less tempted to turn to my chocolate bars and more inclined to turn to the Lord. His confidence in me gives me confidence in myself and blesses me with the peace I need to make it through.
