Dear Ems, I'm so glad you were willing to go to the library to study with me today. It gave me the motivation to go when I really didn't want to. Plus, I got to draw this awesome picture of us. We make a pretty good team.
Dear Sarah, Eric, Will, Jordan, and Ethan and Cory, Watching Wait Until Dark helped me fill my Halloween ness quota for the week. It's about the only scary movie I'll ever watch, and it's been a long time since I last/first saw it, so I'm glad we made it happen. Yea for projectors and amazon instant videos and goldfish and awesome friends!
Dear Jessica and Brynnley, You're visit tonight was exactly what I needed. Thank you for the spirit you brought into my apartment and for you genuine kindness and care. I mean it. I'm glad that you're my visiting teachers and I hope that I get to know you more over the rest of the semester!
I figured I should actually get started on this "Small and Simple Things" project of mine.
Actually, I'm just trying to avoid doing homework or going running. But what's new.
Today's small and simple thing is the sun. I love the sun (just ask Ems--I've not been the biggest fan of Utah's cold, Winter weather). The sun is warm and bright and happy. It makes me want to get out of bed and do something with my life! It radiates. It chases away darkness. It illuminates.
And isn't there another type of Son that does the exact same thing for all of us? Doesn't Christ radiate? Chase away darkness? Illuminate? Isn't He warm and bright and happy? And doesn't He make you want to get out of bed and do something with your life?
The sun is marvelous, not just for how it makes me feel happy and for how it makes life on earth possible, but for how it reminds me of Christ. Think on that next time you step outside and feel the sun's warm rays reaching out to you. It's not the only "sun" trying reaching out.
Why the past few days have been AWESOME (in a nutshell):
For FHE we carved pumpkins and baked pumpkin seeds. Super fun.
Yesterday, on my way to Shakespeare I ran into Emily Christensen. We got to talk. She's amazing. Then, after work, I got to go over to her apartment and we talked about life while she made chile.
Last night, our Relief Society had an activity called "How to Simplify and Satisfy Your Semester". So many girls came, and the girls who shared their talents are seriously skilled. Now I know how to cook delicious chicken, stay healthy, do my hair pretty, and make yummy tortillas.
After the Relief Society activity I came home and Ryan's parents were there! We got to hang out with them and just talk for over an hour. They are such good people. Of course, what else would you have expected from Ryan's parents?
Today, Emily Christensen came into my office while I was at work to talk to me for two seconds. Smiley face: check.
Today Kyle Wilson and Sarah and Amelia and Lauren and Rachel and Emily and I chilled in the apartment and did homework. Chinese and Shakespeare and Music Composition and American Heritage and Theater and Violin all in the same apartment. We're pretty awesome.
I got to go to weightlifting today with Emily (like I do every Monday and Wednesday night). We decided we're going to chill this weekend, so of course this weekend is going to be the best.
Today for my Shakespeare class, I read a letter writen by Keats. He pretty much quoted scripture. I love finding gospel truths in the things I am learning!
Dear Harold, I know it's only been a week since we broke up, but--oh, Harold! I can't do it! I can't stand being away from you! Life has less color when you're not in it. I lay in my bed every night, unable to sleep, trying to relive in my mind all the good times we've had together while my heart bleeds. And during the day I wander around aimlessly, trying to find purpose in my existence. I'm tempted to curl-up into a self-absorbed ball for four months straight and do nothing until my werewolf friend comes around. What's the point of existing when you're not in my life? I know we talked about taking a break, but could we please reconsider? I promise I won't whine about having to go all the way up to campus every time I want to see you and that I'll follow every rule you set. The late nights with you will make it worth it. You're the only boyfriend I've ever had, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my semester with. Take me back?
Yep--better word. Though some people would argue that I'm always confused mentally(I wouldn't disagree with them), right now the description seems especially applicable.
Before General Conference, I had been wondering whether or not I should go on a mission. Conference came, the announcement was made, and suddenly all of BYU campus has started turning their papers in. Everyone's so excited about serving missions now, it's become "the thing to do". The only problem I face is this: the answer I got from the Lord was "no".
What? Come again? No?
Okay. Cool. Really, I'm fine with the answer. I trust the Lord, and know that if going on a mission is not what I need to do, that He has something else in store for me. Problem, though: What?
Let me describe my current situation to you, and then maybe you'll understand why the "what" is being such a perplexing problem at the moment. I have five roommates. This winter, Lauren is leaving to do the Disney college program and Amelia is leaving to go on a mission. By this summer, Audrey and Emily will have also left for missions, and Rachel will be in Wales. Besides roommates, two of my best friends--Emily Christensen and Anna Stewart--are leaving for missions this winter. But me? No. The Lord has told me that He wants me to stay here.
In a nutshell:
I'm jealous of everyone for all the adventures they are getting ready to go on. I want to go on a fun adventure too.
I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like so many people are leaving Provo, but I'm stuck here.
I don't know why the Lord doesn't want me to go on a mission. I'm trying to figure out what other kind of mission He wants me to serve instead.
Please, don't think I'm trying to host some sort of pity party. I chose the adjective "perplexed", not "mad"
mad
[mad]
adjective
1.
enraged;greatlyprovokedorirritated;angry.
or "sad"
sad
[sad]
adjective,sad·der,sad·dest.
1.
affectedbyunhappinessorgrief;sorrowfulormournful
or "upset"
up·set
[v., adj. uhp-set;n. uhp-set]
adjective
1.
distressed;disturbed:
though I have experienced all of these things to some degree over the past few weeks. I promise: I think my life so absolutely wonderful and I am so incredibly blessed. The other side of the nutshell looks like this:
I am so excited for all you wonderful girls who get to go on missions. You are going to be awesome. You already are awesome, which is why the Lord has lowered the age requirement.
There are so many good things for me to be doing in Provo, and so many opportunities that I can take hold of that I can't find anywhere else in the world. Happiness is also a result of choice, not circumstance, and I am going to choose to be happy.
And above all, I trust the Lord; I really do trust the Lord. It's the patience required to do thingsHis way and in His time that I'm struggling with.
But struggles are good, and so is He, and I'm on His side, so it's going to be okay. I will figure out what I'm supposed to be doing, and then even if I don't, I will still choose to be happy and everything will still be okay. The Lord can make more out of my life than I ever could, and I'm trying to let Him. He has yet to let me down thus far.
The church is true, and regardless of whether or not I serve a mission with a name tag on, I can, and will, proclaim that message. I hope that all the other girls in Provo know this too--that it's okay to not go on a mission and that the Lord will use you in wonderful ways, as long as you do with that year and a half of your life what He instructs you to. You are in no way less worthy or righteous than those who go to serve, and those who go to serve aren't trying to make up for anything that they are missing. For a girl, the choice to serve or not serve a mission is completely up to you and Heavenly Father. Don't let make you feel less of yourself because of your choice.
Regardless of where you are in life right now, know this: God does have a plan for you. There is a purpose for your being here on this earth right now, and there are things which the Lord has prepared for you to do which no one else can do. Don't let the artificial things stop you from helping the people the Lord has sent you here to help. They need you and He needs you, both out in the mission field and at home.
The Lord's timing and plan are perfect, we just have to learn to trust Him.
We watched this today in Relief Society. When it finished, I was overcome with a desire to help and serve and love those around me. The thought that I wrote down was this: Whose shoe can I put a silver dollar in today?
There are opportunities all around us. We need to follow Sis. Burton's council from this past conference: we need to first observe, then serve.
What small and simple things will you do today to make a difference in the lives of those around you?
Dear Super-Awesome Friends, Thanks for coming to see Brave with me last night in the dollar theater! It's a pretty amazing feeling, buying 19 tickets and taking up 3 rows with a group of people I love. Good luck this week with everything!
We're not very photogenic at 2:30 am in the middle of the dark, especially when the flash on the camera blinds you. All things considered, though, I still think we're pretty good lookin!
Dear Emily Christensen, Thank you, thank you, thank you for inviting me to go watch the meteor shower with you last night (slash this morning) from 12 to 3am. I haven't been in the outdoors in a long time, and I've wanted to go star gazing even longer. Being at the campfire out where there were no buildings and only each other, our friends, the crackling fire, and the sky overhead to watch, made me feel more myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. You are one of the most real people I know. Thank you for knowing what questions to ask and knowing when to talk and when to listen and for supporting me and for just getting it all. You are definitely one of my favorites.
Dear Mike, The car ride to and from Brian and Cindy's was a wonderfully fresh dose of not-Provo reality. You are so real and normal and I love how you say what you feel and don't worry too much about what others think. I'm glad we're family.
Dear Brian and Cindy, Your kindness and generosity in inviting us over for dinner tonight at your house was so appreciated. The food was SO good and it's amazing to be in a home, but it's also just nice to be with family, especially when my immediate family is out of visiting distance. Thank you.
Dear Dale, I'm so glad that we got to talk tonight after dinner at Brian and Cindy's. I think it's the most I've ever talked to you, and I hope we get to do it again. I also hope you know that I will take you up on your offer to come over and just chill at your house when I need a break from college and Provo and work and life. Thank you in advance.
Dear Ashley, Meeting you last night at BYU experience last night was the best. I was just as excited as you were when we found out that we both signed ASL. I hope that I see you in the winter at the next BYU Experience activity!
Dear BYU Experience Program Directors, Thanks for all the hard work you went to to put together last night's party. I love that we, as BYU students, get together once a semester with the mentally handicapped young adults in Utah Valley and throw them a party. It makes their night and puts our lives into perspective. Couldn't have spent my Friday evening in any better way. Dear Jeremy, I'm glad you came with me last night to share in the BYU Experience fun and that then you came over to my apartment afterwards to chill. It was good to have our brother around again.
Dear Roomies Plus Sarah, Being real-life friends is legit. Watching funny youtube videos until midnight is also legit (as long as you don't do it too much!) I'm officially making an executive decision: we're going to be real-life friends for life plus eternity. You have no say in the matter.
Dear Anna, I 100% mean it when I say that I don't know if I could have made it through first block without our Friday night dates. Being with you was, at times, the only thing I was holding onto. I'm glad that we can keep up the tradition, even though first block has officially ended. BYU Experience plus cookie dough making last night with you was the word "stellar" capsuled into a five hour time frame. You are a true friend and an amazing person. Thank you for being an example to me of how a daughter of God should be living her life. PS: The picture of your niece that you top-secretly put on my desktop is adorable. Aren't you so excited for the day when we get to have super cute kids of our own?!
Dear Morgan, Thanks for stopping by and for giving me a hug the other day. I'm so glad that first block is over so that we can FINALLY do something fun together!
Dear Anna, Going to the temple with you and grabbing a cupcake afterward at Coca Bean Cafe on Friday and then going grocery shopping with you on Saturday was super fun! I'm excited to have fun with you again tonight. Besties for life.
Dear Second Block,What is this? Time to sleep? Time to talk to other human beings? Time to have fun? Time to do homework? And to exercise? And think? And eat? And laugh? And breathe? And sleep in? And clean the apartment? And to work on stuff for Relief Society?
I almost don't know what to do with myself. Almost.
Dear Emily, Studying with you in the library this past Saturday was one of the highlights of my semester. I'm glad that we're sisters and that we live together and that we will live together forever. Turkey five!
Emily and I laughed so hard when we saw this picture....Dad ALWAYS has his eyes closed in pictures!
Dear Dad, The other day I ate the leftover Mexican food that you bought us on Saturday night when you stopped by because you were driving home from Arizona. It was really good food, but the best part about it was being reminded of you. I love you so much and think that you're the best dad Heavenly Father could have ever given me. Actually, I don't think that; I know it.
For my multicultural education class, we have to create a cultural diorama of ourselves by picking three artifacts that we think represent us socially, culturally, and ethnically. To present these three items, I thought I would write about them on my blog (I know you're all so excited to read my homework!) Without further ado, here's about the Mormon girl with straight hair who carries a stack of books.
Artifact #1: A Book of Mormon
I know--how cliche of me to choose a Book of Mormon for one of my artifacts when I'm doing this project for a class at BYU. Pretty much everyone in the class could use this one. But even though it may be a pretty obvious artifact, I think it is so at the core of who I am and what I do that I had to include it. Being a member of the church is more than a set a beliefs; it's a lifestyle. It affects what I eat, what I do in my free time, how I dress, and what I invest my energy in. It even helped me determine what to name this blog. Looking specifically at my Book of Mormon, I read this artifact every single day. Not only does is affect what I do with my time, but it affects what I think throughout the day. Being a member of the church has, at times of my life, made it harder to not judge people who lives lifestyles that are against what I am taught as a member to believe. At the same time, though, truly understanding the Book of Mormon has helped me have the motivation to try to love all people, even when I don't love the things they do or believe.
Artifact #2: My Straightener
This is a picture of my straightener. I use it almost every. Single. Day. I chose this artifact as a representation of feeling pressured into looking pretty. Messages in the media have taught me to believe that people will respect me more when I go to the effort to do stuff to my hair and put makeup on every day. So, instead of spending 10 minutes getting ready in the morning, I take 30. On days when I don't take this time, I don't only look different, I feel different. I feel gross and unattractive and like everyone's staring at me. Even though the difference is probably, for the most part, in my head, it still affects the way I behave. I'm less likely to raise my hand and say something in class. I'm more conscious when I draw attention to myself. I feel pathetic saying it, but I'm afraid it's become a part of who I am: I'm the girl who needs my hair to be straight. Artifact #3: A Stack of Books Ask anyone who's seen me withing the past several months they will most assuredly confirm that I probably had a book in hand. I'm a student. Reading and studying and schooling is what I do. This affects me socially a great deal. For one thing, I'm fairly poor. This effects my housing, what I eat, and what I do in my free time because I don't have money for extravagance Instead of going to Olive Garden for fun, I go to Wendy's. Instead of living in a house, I live in a crammed 6 girl apartment. When I get free time, I go to the library and study (I spend so much time there that my roommates refer to Harold as my boyfriend!) In addition to being a student, once I graduate, I'm going to be an English teacher. In this profession, stacks of books are as common as popcorn in a movie theater. In essence, books will always be a part of who I am and what I do, and this will affect the lifestyle I lead.
Dear Heavenly Father, I kept asking, and you just kept saying: "Lindsey, you already know the answer." And you never got annoyed with me, even when I asked you to say it again. And again. And maybe even one more time. And when I still stressed over it (and everything else), You quietly whispered to me: "Don't you trust me? Won't you believe that I'll hold up my end of the deal? I've got your back, Lindsey. Stop worrying so much. Just chill." Because You really won't let me down, and I really do need to stop worrying so much and to start trusting more. You understand and comfort and teach and correct and love with perfection. Always by my side; I just need to move the pavilion. It really will be okay, won't it?
Dear Stephanie, It was such an awesome surprise to get to see you yesterday! And I finally got to meet Shaun! (and I like him!) Even though it was only 20 minutes, it meant a whole lot to me. I hope that we will be able to hang out over Christmas break and that, this time, it will be more than 20 minutes. I love you!
Dear Jeremy, Thanks so much for inviting me to the football game last night! Even though I only stayed for 1 1/2 quarters, I still had tons of fun. The best part was getting to spend time with you! I'm so super glad that we're friends, Jeremy, and hope that we can be for a very long time.
A picture of Emily over the summer when she went to do a field study in Africa!
Dear Emily Christensen, Yea for getting your mission call and yea for serving a mission in Texas and for doing it in Spanish!!! I'm so glad that you invited me to be there with you when you opened your call; I felt blessed to share in one of your life's special moments. You are going to be an AMAZING missionary. I know that the Lord is grateful to have daughters like you who are willing to go out and do His work. You continue to be an inspiration to me, and I hope that one day I can grow up to be like you!
Dear Nicole, I really, really enjoyed talking to you last night when Emily opened her mission call AND your facebook post on my wall made. My. Day. (and it's been kind of a rough one!) I hope that you and I can make opportunities to do fun things and become better friends. Thanks for being awesome.
Charlotte's finger after our trip to the ER!
Dear Charlotte, Well. A 3 hour trip to the ER last night wasn't exactly what I had planned, but it made for quite the adventure! Thank you so much for thinking to call me so that Rachel and I could help you out. It meant so much to us. I hope that your finger heals fast, and that next time you try to cut butternut squash, you watch that finger of yours!
Dear Self, Try not to be shamefully embarrassed by the fact that you turned bleach white and practically passed out and had to leave the room last night when the nurse was numbing Charlotte's finger with a needle that was nearly twelve feet long. I mean, since the nurse couldn't even walk you twenty feet away without having you begin to blackout you got to sit in the hallway where you were treated with a Kit Kat bar and some yummy grape juice that had crushed ice in it like the kind they have at Sonic that your mom really likes. It just made the whole night a lot more exciting. And Charlotte didn't even get yummy grape juice and she was the one with the sliced finger, so you should feel pretty lucky.
All because of this guy...
Dear caveman who would faint at the sight of blood in order to stay alive, Thanks for passing the trait along. I appreciate feeling like a prima donna every time I staple my finger with a staple gun or scrape the skin off my palms or see someone get stabbed at the doctor's with a needle--and then black out. The sensation that your about to lose it is great, and so is the whole "feeling self-conscious and like a wuss" thing. Really.
Dear Abby and Jessica, I hope you had so much super fun today at your first competition! I'm sad I can't be there to see you every time to perform, but I hope you know that I'm routing for you every dot and note of the show!
Dear Rachel and Emily and Amelia (and partly Spencer), Watching The Avengers with you guys tonight was more than exactly what I needed. Thanks for the laughing and the fun. I love you guys!!!
Dear Heavenly Father, Thanks for trying me and for making things not easy. Even though it's hard to appreciate it all right now, I know that it's what I need and that it will help me to become more like Thee. With You at my side, I can do this!
Dear Lauren, WAY TO GO!!! Good job getting fifth place in the dance competition today by doing your awesome tango! I admire you so much for doing the things you are passionate about. You are amazing. Dear Sarah, I have been waiting ALL WEEK to go and get ice cream with you today! It was perfect. It was just what I needed. It was so good to do nothing but just sit and talk to you. Especially the "you" part. You amaze and inspire me in so many ways. Thanks for your example and friendship.
Dear World Religions Test, That was fun, wasn't it? I'm pretty sure that I'd never even seen at least a fourth of the words on the page. Lucky for me, the test wasn't in the testing center and wasn't multiple choice, so I still get to forget it and still feel good about myself until the scores get posted. Perfect.
Dear Eric, I'm so glad that you came over to make cookies with me tonight. Thanks for the cookie making and the Piano Guys video watching/listen and the talking and the translating my letter and the playing Banana Grams and the even more talking. The cookies we made were amazing. Magic, you could say (or rather, did say). You are such a good, understanding, caring, spiritual, fun, awesome friend. I'm excited to get to listen to General Conference with you on Saturday morning up in the mountains!
I think someone was just trying to remind him of home...
Dear Jeremy, Thanks for stopping by tonight to help us eat our cookies. I'm so glad that your dance number in today's dance competition was 667--our apartment number. Some things are just meant to be. Our FHE family is one of those things. Also, I admire you so much for being willing to help so many people when they struggle with their homework. Your dedication to service is just so super awesome. Air five, brother! Good night (This time, not in sign language)!
Dear Lori, Thank you so much for buying us pizza to eat today at work. You are one of the best bosses ever!
Dear John and Gentry, I forgot to mention the other day, but thank you for inviting me to see The Amazing Spider-Man with you in the dollar theater on Friday night. I was feel overwhelmed and, even though I didn't realize it or think it was a good idea, I needed to get away and to go and have fun. The movie was wonderful, and so was your company. P.S.--I hope you warm up to my sarcasm soon (and no--there wasn't any in this letter!)
Dear Kristi, Thank you so much for trusting us at work enough to talk about your crazy life. It let me feel comfortable enough to talk to you about mine today, and I really just needed someone to listen. I hope you know that I admire you so much for the good person you are and for all the good choices I have seen you make. You are an amazing women. Sorry I couldn't make it to the party tonight. I hope it was a blast!
Dear Mary, This is going to be one super awesome French party. I hope you're ready to go all out!
Dear Elder Hardy, If you want a reply to a letter, don't write it completely in Portuguese to a girl who only reads English and signs ASL. It will not encourage her to write back faster. Especially if that girl is me. I will leave the rest of my thoughts on the matter to myself.
Dear Jared McBride, When I got home from the library last night at 11:45 pm after a very long day and saw a postcard from you sitting on my bed--it meant an incredible amount to me! Immediately the stresses of the day vanished. Thank you for making me feel so special and loved. You better know--and if you don't, listen up!--that I think you are an amazing person and that I admire you very much. I can say that because I have seen you do amazing things. You are motivated by a love for others and for your Heavenly Father. More people need to be like this. Even though this first year of teaching for you might be going crazy, I'm sure you are doing fine. Know that back here, at CP, I'm rooting for you. Keep up the awesome-ness.
Dear Morgan, When you waved at me through the window when I was at work it made me super happy on the inside. Our apartment hasn't been the same since you left. I miss you, but hope that life is being super amazing over in Southridge!
Dear Amelia, After Morgan waved at me through the window, I didn't think my day could get any better, but then you came in to get papers to fix your SFL minor. Day officially made. I love you ton-zers!
Dear Bishop, Happy birthday! Thanks for working so hard and sacrificing so much for so many years. For us. Now only have you served our ward directly for the past almost 3 years, but you have living a righteous life before that, which made you worthy for the call. Thanks for all you do and all you are. We love you!!!
Dear FHE Family, Fingerpainting with you guys tonight was awesome. You're all pretty cool peoples. Can we keep being super awesome together? Okay? Deal.
Dear Heavenly Father, For everything I've written above and more, thank you.
