On Learning to Trust the Lord

The past several weeks have been interesting ones.

in·ter·est·ing 

[in-ter-uh-sting, -truh-sting, -tuh-res-ting]

adjective

1.

engaging or exciting and holding the attention or curiosity:

Hummmm. Maybe "interesting" is the wrong adjective. Perplexing?

per·plex

 

[per-pleks]

verb (used with object)

1.

to cause to be puzzled or bewildered over what is not understood or certain; confused mentally: 

Yep--better word. Though some people would argue that I'm always confused mentally(I wouldn't disagree with them), right now the description seems especially applicable.

Before General Conference, I had been wondering whether or not I should go on a mission. Conference came, the announcement was made, and suddenly all of BYU campus has started turning their papers in. Everyone's so excited about serving missions now, it's become "the thing to do". The only problem I face is this: the answer I got from the Lord was "no".

What? Come again? No? 

Okay. Cool. Really, I'm fine with the answer. I trust the Lord, and know that if going on a mission is not what I need to do, that He has something else in store for me. Problem, though: What?

Let me describe my current situation to you, and then maybe you'll understand why the "what" is being such a perplexing problem at the moment. I have five roommates. This winter, Lauren is leaving to do the Disney college program and Amelia is leaving to go on a mission. By this summer, Audrey and Emily will have also left for missions, and Rachel will be in Wales. Besides roommates, two of my best friends--Emily Christensen and Anna Stewart--are leaving for missions this winter. But me? No. The Lord has told me that He wants me to stay here.

In a nutshell:

1. I'm jealous of everyone for all the adventures they are getting ready to go on. I want to go on a fun adventure too.
2. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like so many people are leaving Provo, but I'm stuck here.
3. I don't know why the Lord doesn't want me to go on a mission. I'm trying to figure out what other kind of mission He wants me to serve instead.

Please, don't think I'm trying to host some sort of pity party. I chose the adjective "perplexed", not "mad" 

mad 

[mad]

adjective

1.

enraged; greatly provoked or irritated; angry.

or "sad" 

sad

 

[sad]

adjective, sad·der, sad·dest.

1.

affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful

or "upset"

up·set

  [v., adj. uhp-set; n. uhp-set] 

adjective

1.

distressed; disturbed:

though I have experienced all of these things to some degree over the past few weeks. I promise: I think my life so absolutely wonderful and I am so incredibly blessed. The other side of the nutshell looks like this:

1. I am so excited for all you wonderful girls who get to go on missions. You are going to be awesome. You already are awesome, which is why the Lord has lowered the age requirement. 
2. There are so many good things for me to be doing in Provo, and so many opportunities that I can take hold of that I can't find anywhere else in the world. Happiness is also a result of choice, not circumstance, and I am going to choose to be happy. 
3. And above all, I trust the Lord; I really do trust the Lord. It's the patience required to do things His way and in His time that I'm struggling with. 

But struggles are good, and so is He, and I'm on His side, so it's going to be okay. I will figure out what I'm supposed to be doing, and then even if I don't, I will still choose to be happy and everything will still be okay. The Lord can make more out of my life than I ever could, and I'm trying to let Him. He has yet to let me down thus far. 

The church is true, and regardless of whether or not I serve a mission with a name tag on, I can, and will, proclaim that message. I hope that all the other girls in Provo know this too--that it's okay to not go on a mission and that the Lord will use you in wonderful ways, as long as you do with that year and a half of your life what He instructs you to. You are in no way less worthy or righteous than those who go to serve, and those who go to serve aren't trying to make up for anything that they are missing. For a girl, the choice to serve or not serve a mission is completely up to you and Heavenly Father. Don't let make you feel less of yourself because of your choice.

Regardless of where you are in life right now, know this: God does have a plan for you. There is a purpose for your being here on this earth right now, and there are things which the Lord has prepared for you to do which no one else can do. Don't let the artificial things stop you from helping the people the Lord has sent you here to help. They need you and He needs you, both out in the mission field and at home.

The Lord's timing and plan are perfect, we just have to learn to trust Him.