Phoebe Month Five

Here's what Phoebe's been up to in month five...

• Trying out--and loving!--rice cereal. She's so anxious to eat it when we feed her that she yanks the spoon towards her face!
• Her first big road trip. We went to Idaho for Thanksgiving.
• She's stopped trying to eat her hands as much and has moved on to trying to eat her feet. She could probably be a yoga instructor with some of the poses she comes up with in order to get her foot into her mouth.
• She's much more aware and loves to play! That means that sometimes when mom (me!) sets her down, that's pretty boring and that silly mom should pick her right back up. Hence, I've discovered that if I ever lost a hand, I could still get a lot done around the house.
• She continues to love walks and runs with mom.
• The bathtub is her happy place.
• When she's tired, she makes bubbling noises with her mouth.
• She's stopped squealing so much, but still loves to be with people and in new places.
• She's crying for me to go pick her up from her nap right now, so I guess that's all I get to tell!

Thanksgiving 2017

This year for Thanksgiving Phoebe and I hit the road and traveled to Idaho with my family. Sadly, Jon could not take time off of work to join us. Luckily, he had good friends and his sister nearby to keep him company.

Phoebe and I did the travel with my parents and Kate which was FANTASTIC because they helped me take care of Phoebe for a whole week! Of course, everyone we visited got to meet and hold and help with Phoebe too!

My mom was kind enough to come get Phoebe and I the day before leaving state so we could spend the night there and Jon could keep the car. We got to visit with Abby that night, who unfortunately also couldn't get off work and, therefore, couldn't join us. I'm glad she got to see and hang out with the Phoebester a bit that night at least!

That night was also fun because Holly, Jules, and Alix came over to say hi and hang out for a bit. You know you have good friends when you can go months without saying a word and then when you get back together, you pick up like not a day has passed. That's how I felt that night. PLUS, Holly asked me to be her bridesmaid when she gets married next September, which I am SUPER excited for!

The next day Kate, Phoebe, and I squeezed into the middle seat of my parents' snazy new car and we went to Boise to stay the night at my Grandma and Grandpa Sorenesen's place. I loved getting to introduce Phoebe to my grandparents and Aunt Janet.

The next day we traveled to Pocetello, Idaho to spend some time with my dad's sister, Christy, and her family. We had such an awesome time hanging out, doing crafts, and going on walks.

A few days later we headed back to Grandma and Grandpa Sorensen's place to get ready for and spend Thanksgiving Day with my mom's family. Here Emily joined us and we had three of the five sisters together!

Thanksgiving ended, we headed back home, and then Saturday Jon drove down to spend the day with us and to hear Abby announce her exciting news to everyone...she got her mission call and is going the the Alberquerie, New Mexico mission! She leaves on January 3rd. We are so excited for her!

Overall, the week was a blissful break from the responsibilities of "real" life in exchange for some wonderful family time. I am glad to be back at home with Jon, though, and look forward to spending Phoebe's first Christmas together with everyone!

Dear Phoebe

Dear Phoebe,

Today while I was rocking you to sleep in my arms I looked at you in the mirror and what I saw caught me off guard—you have a cleft lip! Now, I’m not blind. I know that you have a cleft lip. I’ve known that you were going to be born with one ever since you were 20 weeks old and still in my tummy. The thing is, I don’t think about you that way. Your lip does not define you in my mind.

When I think of you, I don’t think of the gap in your lip or the surgery you’re going to have to have. Instead, I think of the cute smiles you make when you see me because you recognize me as “Mom.” I think of how you giggle with Dad, how you love to be with people, or how you calm down when you watching the ceiling fan. I think of how you get fussy sometimes at night or of how sometimes you’ll get this shocked look on your face after you gas as if to say: “Was that me?” I think of camping with you, walking with you, shopping with you, visiting with you, driving with you, laughing with you, loving with you, living with you. I think of so many different things, but rarely do I think of your cleft.

I don’t know how “normal” you’ll look after your surgery in a few months. I hope it goes well and that soon no one will be able to tell that you were ever born looking different than most babies. But regardless of how it turns out, I hope you also never define yourself by your lip, or any other physical feature for that matter—good or bad. Our physical characteristics may describe us, but they do not define us or make us who we really are. Who we are comes from the inside, from things that last. I hope that instead of defining yourself by the shape of your lip you define yourself by the size of your heart. I hope that instead of measuring yourself by the height of your head you measure yourself by the strength of your character. I hope that instead of listening to the lies of Satan that you listen to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost and remember that no matter what, you are always a child of God.

The way you see yourself will determine, in large measure, where life takes you. Instead of going down a road of self-pity and self-consciousness, I want you to live life with confidence and love. The less you focus on yourself and the more you focus on others, the happier you will be. So instead of introducing or thinking of yourself as “the girl with a scar on her lip because she was born with a cleft,” I want you to introduce yourself as “Phoebe Esther Self” without stopping to explain or justify. Just be your best Self, do good, and people will see the real you without you having even said a word. As President Monson says, the future is as bright as your faith. I hope you make yours a bright one.

Love, 

Mom

Phoebe Month Four

Phoebe's personality has really started to shine this past month. She really likes being around groups of people and has even decided to start trying to "talk," or in other words, squeal really loud. It's hilarious, but means that mom has to spend some of sacrament meeting in the hall.

In addition to this, we think she may be teething. She's been drooling, drooling, drooling and chewing on anything she can get her hands on (or if she can't get her hands on anything, just her hands will do).

Bottles? Don't even mention them. She hates them.

Sometimes at night, I feel the effects of "no, this is not an 8-5 job and I still want you to hold me right now please...please....PLEASE!!!" and it can be a little tiring. But then I sit down to compile this collage, or to watch a video of her laughing in the bathtub, or to watch her play with Dad, and suddenly it's all worth it. Motherhood can be exhausting, but what an adorable squish I get to start it all off with, a squish I wouldn't trade the world for!

Halloween 2017

We had a busy and fun Halloween! Jon was a nerd, I was a court jester, and Phoebe was a butterfly. We went to our church's trunk or treat for the evening an passed out candy there. Phoebe was obviously everyone's favorite.

Holly

Terrorizing a fellow third grader is one of the best things I ever did. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but it went something like this:

We were both standing outside of our teachers' doors waiting for the recess bell to ring. Even though we were in different classes, the doors were right next to each other so we were close enough to talk. I don't know who struck up the conversation, but somewhere in the middle of it all I opened my big Mormon mouth and related to this other little girl about how back in the day Mormon pioneers were persecuted, tarred and feathered, and driven out of their homes. I don't think I was graphic, but as this other girl recalls the experience several decades later, she says it kinda freaked her out.

Luckily, it didn't freak her out enough to stop her from talking to me again. That second talk turned into me coming over to play at her house. Which lead to her coming over to mine. Which lead to years of sleepovers, eating lunch together every day in middle school, sharing head lice, birthday parties at the beach, her taking me ice skating for the first time, me dragging her along to church activities, "studying" together, rooming together on high school band and gov & pol trips, keeping in touch after high school, me asking her to be a bridesmaid, me freaking out when she told me she is engaged and an all-around awesome 16 years of being best friends.

Terrorizing nine-year old Holly Engh is one of the best things I ever did because Holly is one of the best people I know and I am grateful to have her as a friend. Growing-up she proved herself to be the perfect partner to have fun with at the park and to talk to about boys with on the weekends. Now that I'm older and we don't get to spend as much time "playing" together, I value her even more not just for what she does, but for who she is. 

Holly is quite possibly the most thoughtful human being I have ever met. Her reaction to me getting pregnant is just one example of this. When I announced Phoebe's birth online she called me (not texted) within five minutes saying that she was so excited. A week later there was a "Glad you're having a baby because the world needs more people like you" card in the mail. From then on she has showered me with love and support in my journey being pregnant and in having baby Phoebe in more ways than one. My personal favorites have been the postcards she has thought to send Phoebe while on vacations--one a few weeks before Phoebe was born and one a few weeks afterwards. She's on her vacation and she stops to take time to think about me and my baby and to send said baby a postcard. Who does that? Oh yeah--Holly.

There are so many other things I like about Holly. She cherishes family. She's hilarious. She hates flying United (not that I have anything about United, but her story about why she hates it is pretty funny). She chooses to be happy regardless of what life throws at her. She lets me pester her about becoming a Mormon. She goes to Disneyland too much. She takes me for who I am.

So while I very much plan on teaching my children to be kind to others and to try and not terrorize their fellow students, if one of them happens to terrify a fellow third grader with a story about how the Mormons got tarred and feathered back in the day, I just might let it slide. The possibility of them getting their own Holly would be too invaluable to interfere with.

Jon's New Calling

A powerful scripture story for all of us to reflect upon takes place on the shores of the sea of Tiberius when the resurrected Lord comes to visit his apostles. Here, Christs asks Peter a question we should all ask ourselves: “Do you love me?” Peter replies in the affirmative, to which Christ responds: “Feed my sheep.” Christ asks this question of him two more times, stressing the importance of the question and, even more so, of what Peter is to do if he does, in fact, love the Lord,

When Jon and I were engaged I wanted to get something inscribed on the inside of his ring. I pondered on what Jon and I both wanted from our marriage and a way that I could put it down in 25 characters or less. When I did, I came to the conclusion that what Jon and I wanted from our marriage more than anything was a greater capacity to love and serve the Lord. The story I just told above came to mind, and so I inscribed the following on the inside of his ring: “Let us feed His sheep.”

It’s three years later and our wish is still the same. Our lives have been blessed with so much joy because of the gospel and so we can’t imagine anything better than being able to share that joy with others. We do not have it all figured out yet—there is still much we have to learn—but I hope it can be said of these past three years that we’ve accomplished a little good and shared a little of that joy. Even more, I hope it will be said of all the years to come that we continued on this path of lifting others—especially our own family and each other—and bringing them unto Christ.

Starting yesterday, the Lord has blessed Jon and I with a new way to do this--Jon got called to be the bishop of our ward! For those of you unfamiliar with the workings of an LDS congregation, about every five years or so the Lord calls, through revelation, a new member of the ward to serve as the bishop of that area. Bishops don't get any monetary pay for their service, though I hear that the blessings received for the time they sacrifice are quite fantastic. As the bishop, Jon will be called upon to oversee the logistical day to day functioning of the ward--including Sunday meetings and weekday activities--as well as counseling with individuals to help them and their families with their needs. (For more information about bishops, click here).

We feel excited and overwhelmed and intimidated and at peace with this new opportunity all at the same time. We know Jon is very young to be called as a bishop, and being that we just moved into our ward, we still don't know a lot of the congregation. However, we do know that this call has come from God. We see His hand in preparing Jon for the call along with leading us to purchase a home within the ward boundaries. I know that Jon is extremely young to be taking on such a huge responsibility, but I know that he can do it. Jon is by no means perfect, but there is only one person who ever was, and Jon is very well acquainted with that one person and I know that he will call upon Him for help. 

Jon and I are committed to helping each other and those in our ward because we not only love these people, we love the Lord. And as always, the Lord loves and is committed to each one of us. Together, we all--Jon, ward members, myself, and the Lord--will be able to magnify this call. 

Overcoming Weaknesses

I know that I have a lot of weaknesses, and because I want to follow Jesus Christ, I’m constantly striving to overcome these imperfections of character so that I can become more like Him. In my strivings for improvement, however, I frequently forget one of the most important elements of overcoming weaknesses: I’m not intended to do it alone.

The prophet Jacob speaks of this in The Book of Mormon. He says: “Nevertheless, the Lord God shows us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things” (Jacob 4:7). It does not say that we overcome weaknesses by increased willpower. It does not suggest that if only we were to create a better plan for self-improvement, then we would finally triumph over our imperfections. While increase willpower and good plans help us overcome our weaknesses, alone they are not enough. No. It is “by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things.” The power does not come from within us. It comes from Him, our loving elder brother and Savior.

What a fantastic reminder! Today I want to rededicate myself to relying on His redeeming arm more fully. When temptations come, rather than just trying to hold my ground, I want to hold my Savior’s hand. After all, two people working together is always stronger than one, especially when one of those people is Jesus Christ. 

Phoebe{s Third Month

What a busy and fun third month! Phoebe has more personality than ever! She smiles all the time, knows what she wants, knows how to get what she wants, and is absolutely adorable!

We met a lot of new friends Phoebe{s third month! First of all, we met Courtney while we were waiting for our tires to get rotated and balanced. We{re seeing her again tomorrow at the pumpkin patch! Later, we saw a group of moms running together at the park and thought it looked like fun, so we asked if we could join them. Now, we go running every Wednesday with them in the morning. On another day at the park, we met our friend Alexis whom we met up with again the following week at Story Time With Baby at the library. So while being a stay at home mom can sometimes be lacking in conversation, having a baby is sure a good way to start one up and make some good friends!

And it{s already halfway through month four! Time is flying (and my keyboard is broken...ahh! for no apostrophes)!

Phoebe's First Camping Trip

Last week we took Phoebe camping for the first time. We tried making this happen two weeks earlier, but when we tried to leave and Phoebe was screaming and Jon and I were grumpy and traffic was horrible, we decided to put the trip on hold. We're so glad we did! Two weeks later, my mom was able to come out with us, bringing a bigger tent for us to use and being super helpful with Phoebe, and Jon was able to get a Friday off so we had more time to have fun. It was meant to be.

We went camping in the Olympic National Forest at Big Creek Campground. We picked this place because it was first come, first serve and because it's an area we haven't explored before. The campground also had several hikes that one could do straight from the site, which we liked.

Mom, Phoebe, and I left Thursday around noon without Jon to go and get things set-up. After popping up the tents we decided to do the 4 mile hike around Big Creek while we waited for Jon to show up. It was a beautiful hike with some fun quirks, including a troll under one of the bridges. Phoebe was great and slept the whole time in the carrier.

When we got back Jon had arrived and it started raining. The rain stuck around for the rest of our two night stay on and off. We didn't let it bother us, though, and spent the rest of the evening feeling a little bit soggy around the campfire.

The next day we woke up and made breakfast in my mom's van's trunk to keep out of the rain. By the time we finished the rain died down and we left to do the same 4 mile hike around Big Creek, this time Jon carrying Phoebe.

In the middle of the hike we took a 2 mile detour and hiked to an overlook near Mt. Eleanor. We got to the outlook and couldn't see anything because of all the fog, but our lunch was still yummy!

When we got back from the hike we spent the rest of the day driving to look at nearby Lake Cushman and burning logs in the fire pit. The next morning we woke up, packed up, and left.

This camping trip was one of the best things I've done all year! Sometimes you don't realize how much you love something until you don't have it, and with being pregnant and taking care of a newborn, I haven't had my fill of the outdoors this year like I have in years past. Hiking and camping and tall trees and fresh air and tall mountains are such a big part of who I am. I feel closer to God and a calm peace when I'm out there which rejuvenates me. Luckily, it seems like Phoebe is a happy camper and we'll be able to go waltzing out around in the woods next year a whole lot!

Phoebe's Second Month

Month two with Phoebe was so much fun! She's figuring out this whole being a human thing slowly but surely...she now knows how to smile, likes it when you play with her, and "talks" when she's in a good mood (all of which are making figuring out this whole being a mommy thing a lot more fun!)

Her most striking feature has to be her eyes. They're a beautiful indigo blue and seem to always be twinkling. People comment on them all the time! As for her hair, it looks to be brownish, unless you hold her in the light, and then suddenly it looks very red. So we're thinking it might come in as auburn?

No matter the colors of her features, we love this little squish!

We're Buying a House!

Yup--we're doing big people things up here in Tacoma! If everything goes as planned, we should be moving into our new home by the end of the month. What's there to know about our new house?

• It was built in the 1940's.
• It is very small and intended to be a starter home.
• It has two bedrooms, one bath, a kitchen, a laundry room, and a living room.
• The bathroom has a door to the backyard (awkward!).
• It has a detached garage that is falling apart.
• It has a shed and a fire pit in the backyard.
• It has a huge yard (awesome!).
• It is in a great location that feels safer to us than many of the other homes within our price range (something that was a big deal for us since Phoebe and I spend most of our time at home).
• It needs some TLC, but we're excited and ready for the challenge and opportunity to learn.

We'll keep you posted as the adventure continues!

Doing Less

I love accomplishing things. For me, the perfect day includes waking up early, studying my scriptures, exercising, showering, eating breakfast, and cleaning the house all before 8:30. And that's just the beginning. There's so many other good things I would love to be filling my days with! Visiting the lonely, calling family, organizing the house, writing something meaningful, family history work, making a note to leave in my husband's lunch, preparing dinner, and my list goes on.

When I first had Phoebe I realized that I was going to have to scale down my daily list, and so I did. I could manage taking care of a baby and accomplishing just one or two things a day, I told myself, and I did. But as the days and weeks melted by, I began to realize something...

I was still doing too much! Yes, I could manage waking up early and getting my few things done amid taking care of a newborn and taking care of the rest of life, but it exhausted me! I was doing a lot of doing, but I couldn't enjoy it. My brain was too fuzzy and my limbs too weak to feel any of the joy that I know is associated with motherhood. 

So this week I've slowed down. It's been a challenge. There's a part of me--a big part of me--that says to myself: it's 8:30 and you're just now waking up?!!! Just think of all the productive things you could have gotten done by now! But I'm learning to talk back to that part of me and to say: "Cool it. It's okay. Yes, it's 8:30 and I haven't studied my scriptures, exercied, showered, eaten breakfast, or cleaned the house yet. So what?" Because there are more important things in life than being "productive." There are more important things in life than checking items off a to-do list. 

A prophet of the Lord put it best when he said: "No success can compensate for failure in the home." Raising Phoebe is one thing I definitely don't want to be too tired to enjoy, and it's definitely something I don't want to fail at. So now I'm a new me: no longer the woman who's ready to take on the world by 8:30, but the woman who's just waking up at 8:30 so that I can enjoy holding the world in my arms.

Lunches with Friends

I have had AWESOME lunches these past two weeks. Not because of the food (though there was a lot of good food!), but because of the people I've been blessed to eat with. 

Last week on Tuesday my amazing friend, Loree, and I took Phoebe to Pick-Quicks for some good ol' drive-in food. I love spending time with Loree because she's so good at taking care of Phoebe and because I can tell that she loves Phoebe very much. Phoebe loves her too! Every time Loree plays with her, Phoebe calms down. I told Loree to watch out...if I ever have a stressful night with Phoebe crying, I might be calling her for reinforcements!

The next day, Wednesday, Phoebe and I drove down to Chahalis and met up with my mom, Abby, Kate, and my second cousin--Louisa, and her new baby--Elodie. It was so much fun! Pretty much I showed up and the aunts and Grandm took over and Louisa and I only had to worry about holding our babies when they wanted food. This meant that she and I not only got a break, but we're able to talk and catch up, and it was so nice talking to someone else who is going through baby craziness like I am! It was a perfect afternoon.

Thursday of last week my good friend from teaching, Joy, came over to my place to eat and meet little Phoebster. After seeing me pregnant for months at work, it was really fun for me to get to show her what I'd been hiding under my shirt for so long! And it was just plain good to see her. I admire Joy for her relationship with God and her willingness to do His will. In a world of casual believers, it's refreshing to have a friend who lives her faith.

This week has been just as much fun as the last! This past Monday Phoebe and I had a picnic at the park with Jenna, a young woman from church, and her friend, Alyssa. Let me tell you--I am so glad that I had Phoebe during the summer so that Jenna was out of school and could come spend time with me and baby. This past Monday was mostly fun and games (Skip-bo, to be exact), but there have been other days when Jenna has come over to just hold Phoebe which allowed me to shower or clean or eat. And she's so good at it too! She tells me that she's thought about working with babies someday as a career in the medical field and I'm confident that she would be fantastic at it if that's what she decides to do.

Tuesday a woman I used to visit teach, Sharron, invited me over so that she could finally meet Phoebe and so that she could make me a yummy crab sandwich (a new dish for me!). It was great to catch up with her and her daughter, Diana. They are so generous and I'm grateful they are willing to share their generosity with me.

Wednesday this week I ran on over to my friend Meaghan's place for lunch. She had prepared some Indian food and it was delicious! I love Meaghan because she was the first person in Tacoma that reached out to me. When we moved here I was still trying to figure out the whole being married and making friends thing, and she made it easy. There have been multiple conversations I've had with her where I've walked away feeling lighter and like God cares. Yesterday was no exception.

Today I whipped up some squash soup and ran it over to my friend Carlene's for lunch. Carlene is one of my favorite people. She has a love for living and having fun that I hope I can have when I "grow up!" Since having Phoebe, we've gotten together about every other week to eat or work in her garden or to pick her blueberries or swap summer adventure stories. She has made the transition to motherhood so much easier because I know I have her help and support and friendship there to back me up just around the corner. Plus, it's so much fun to come over and help out on her land and get yummy produce from her garden! I hope that Carlene and I are able to continue spending the weeks together because For me it always makes things brighter.

For someone who was afraid that motherhood was going to be lonely, God is sure proving me wrong. How lucky I am to live a life blessed with so many people who love me! I'm reminded of a quote that I have hanging on my fridge:

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." -President Spencer W. Kimball  

I know that this is true because I've seen it in my own life these past two weeks.

Mom and Kate Helping Phoebe's First Week

I was both too tired and overwhelmed when Phoebe was first born to write much about her first week home. There's a lot to remember from that first week, and something I want to make sure I don't forget is that my mom and my sister, Kate, came into town to help. It was fantastic to have them here--both so willing to hold Phoebe--so that I could have a chance to breathe between feedings and take everything in. Here are some of my favorite pictures of them while they were here!

Phoebe's Baby Blessing

The past few days we've enjoyed spending time with family for Phoebe's baby blessing. Jon's family flew into town for the weekend and were able to meet baby Phoebe for the first time! We spent Saturday evening with them at my sister-in-law--Laura's--home. 

Sunday my family drove up from Washington to join the crew for the actual blessing. When Phoebe was blessed we had Grandpa Self, Grandpa Rogers, Uncles Perry and Austin, along with our friends Pierre and Joe in the circle. It was wonderful to have so many people whom we love to participate. Jon gave the blessing, of course, and did a wonderful job at listening to the Spirit to know what to say.

After church the Gray's were kind enough to let our families come over to their place for lunch (our place is a little too small for 15+ people). The food was great, but just having the time to sit and talk with loved ones was even better.

My family and Laura's family drove home Sunday night, but Jon's family got to spend the night with us. We enjoyed watching the solar eclipse on Monday morning before they had to leave to catch the bus and hop on the plane home. 

We already miss everyone so much!

Here's something to remember how cute she is:

...And here's something to keep reality in check:

Our Weekend with Emily

This past weekend was one of the best of the whole year! Emily came and spent Friday afternoon through Monday morning with us. We did a lot of really fun things...

We went on walks at Ruston Way, Point Definance Park, and Wapato Parks.
We played card games with Jon.
We picked blackberries to have on top of ice cream.
We got ice cream at Coldstone.
We colored in my adult coloring books.
We made yummy food.

Overall, we just spent a lot of time talking about life, playing with Phoebe, and enjoying each others' company. It was the most rejuvenating weekend I've had all year. Having sisters is the best!

You're Invited!

Consider yourself invited to Phoebe's baby blessing!

Phoebe's First Month

Sleeping, eating, bathing, crying, smiling, and just being plain cute...it's been a fun adventure having Phoebe around for her first month of life! Here's just a glimpse of why this cute little girl has us wrapped around her finger and why I think we'll keep her around. 

The Mom For Phoebe

Becoming a mom has been wonderful, but there have definitely been ups and downs. This past Sunday morning I was feeling more down than up. Compared to the care I'd seen other mothers administer to their children, I felt my efforts were mediocre at best. And how horrible that was--to feel inadequate at what I've always felt to be the most important job in the world.

There we sat: Phoebe was in her car seat, ready to go to church and crying, and I sat in front of her eating a king sized chocolate bar and almost crying. Jon was already at church attending pre-meetings and feeling very alone in that moment, I felt more than a little overwhelmed.

Amid the chaos of the moment, the Spirit spoke a very important message to me, one that I will never forget. He said: "Perhaps it seems like so-and-so or -so-and-so could do a better job at mothering Phoebe, but I did not send Phoebe to them. I sent her to you. Phoebe needs you to be her mom not just because any random person could do the job and you happened to be available, but because she specifically needs you."

Peace fell over me. My awareness of my flaws and imperfections didn't fall away, but suddenly I didn't feel like they disqualified me for the job. Heavenly Father, knowing all about my flaws and imperfections, sent Phoebe to me anyway and trusts me with her. It is my "me-ness" that makes me qualified for the job, that makes me the mom for Phoebe.

One of Satan's tactics is to make us feel inadequate and unqualified for the tasks that the Lord gives to us. And let's be honest, the reason we listen to him is because lots of times he's right--often we are inadequate or unqualified! But when we feel this way, we need to remember that the Lord makes no mistakes in who He calls to do His work. He will help us as we turn to Him in humble and sincere prayer and He will make up for what we lack. The only mistake is on our part when we don't do this and instead listen to Satan's whisperings or try to do it all on our own.

Now when Phoebe starts crying right when I lay down to take a nap or when she poops on her car seat (or the car itself) and I "get" to clean it up or when it's the middle of the night and she wants to eat even though she ate less than two hours ago and I'm exhausted, I'm less tempted to turn to my chocolate bars and more inclined to turn to the Lord. His confidence in me gives me confidence in myself and blesses me with the peace I need to make it through.

No Ice Cream?!

Apparently Phoebe doesn't like it when I eat dairy products. Lat week, after several post-feeding bouts of fussiness and spitting up everything--many bouts of which took place in the evenings when I would have preferred to have been sleeping--I came to the conclusion that I was eating something that made my milk unpleasant for Phoebe. I did some research and experimented with a few things and my conclusion is that milk products are a no go for me if I want a happy child and to get sleep at night.

This is proving to be slightly problematic. At first I didn't think it would be and I told myself: "Okay, no big deal. I prefer almond milk instead anyways." But then I started trying to live dairy-free and I was like: "Okay, actually this is a BIG deal!" Dairy is everywhere and in everything! Yogurt (I eat it on about 30% of my days). Cheese (it's in my salads, quesadillas, sandwiches, pastas, burritos, cheesecakes, I could keep going here...). And of course, it's the bulk of what makes up ice cream which happens to be proof that God loves us and also my favorite treat in the world. Who knew I loves milk products so much?

Am I bitter? No, but I am kinda' bummed. I mean, sure--I do feel like a cow sometimes because some days it feels like all I do is feed Phoebe, but that didn't mean that I had anything against cows or against the food I got from their milk! I try to console myself by saying that this is an exciting challenge or by telling myself that I now have a reason for why I can't stress eat an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting. This usually works until Jon pulls out the raspberry pretzel dessert I made three nights ago which I can no longer eat because it has cream cheese and whipped topping in it.

I could use a little help! Are any of you out there dairy-free eaters? If so, do you have any tips, tricks, or advice? Any good dairy-free recipes you could share? I'm all ears! Or maybe I should say that I"m all eyes because I'll probably read your advice via comments. Or perhaps instead that I'm all stomach because we're talking about food here. That's all besides the point. Ears, eyes, stomach, or all of the above...please share!