An Extremely (Probably Too) Long Post Wherein I Gab About Sunburns, Friendship and How the Two Relate

Heavens to Betsy goodness gracious! I was talking to my friend Charlotte last night about how we seem to learn something new every semester based on the experiences we have over the four months. Looking back on my last four months I realize that this semester, one of the things I have learned about it the value of friends. For a billion million really lame excuses, I have been extremely self-absorbed this semester. I have not been by thinking happy and outward normal self. No wonder I feel so crummy all the time! Nothing makes someone more unhappy than focusing on why they're justified in feeling unhappy. I can also testify that nothing makes you more lonely than being a "my problems/my life" focused fool. You don't have friends when you push those you already have away and exchange potential new ones for mounds of homework.

My problem, when it comes down to it, is pride (yes, President Benson, I'm still working on it). It comes into play with my friends in the same way that it did with the sunburn I got this past weekend. I'm not used to having short hair in the sun, and as a result, I fried my neck on Saturday afternoon. It was sore and definitely didn't feel super good, but I ignored it. Toughed it out. On Sunday, I told one of my friends that I got burned and he offered me some aloe vera gel to put on it. I turned down his offer. It doesn't hurt that bad, I rationalized. Plus, I don't want to take from someone else or to appear needy. I went several more hours, aloe vera-free. As time went on, it started to hurt more, and so I tried to remedy the situation by touching my sore skin with my cold(er) hands. Finally, my friend came up to me and practically told me he was putting aloe vera on my neck. And so I let him. It wasn't until the soothing gel was on my skin that I fully realized how much pain my neck had been in. Why on earth had I refused this before? What on earth was wrong with me? Later that night, my friend offered me some gel again and this time I was humble enough to accept it the first time. This morning, I wised-up enough to actually outright asked for it.

In a similar fashion, I'm really good at turning down the love and support of friends. Especially when I'm hurting. I lock myself up in an aloe vera-free zone because in my mind, I'm too busy to spend time with people or I'm above needing their help or I don't want to inconvenience them. Then, life goes downhill because I'm denying myself fulfillment of my basic human need for friendship, but I don't realize what the problem is. Unfortunately, it often takes a friend kind (and brave) enough to literally walk up to me and tell me that I don't have a choice: I'm going to do something fun with them. Once I finally consent and go and enjoy myself a little, I realize how absolutely starved I have been for human companionship, of how much I hurt for having spent such a long time alone. That one, or two, or however many people's simple acts of loving outreach soothe my aching soul like the aloe vera gel soothed my burnt neck. After this initial wake-up call, it becomes easier for me to reach out and to seek the friendship of everyone around me. I hit myself on the head, though, when I think of how easy it would be to avoid all this trouble if it just weren't for my stupid pride.

Today, in my D&C class, my professor shared with us a quote that ties in perfectly with how I have felt over the past 72 hours, having realized all this craziness. The quote is from the letter Joseph Smith wrote while in Liberty Jail. While most of this letter later became D&C 121-123, this portion of the letter didn't make the final cut. It is still (needless to say because I'm quoting it) quite remarkable. It reads:

“And we need not say to you that floodgates of our hearts were lifted and our eyes were fountain of tears, but those who have not been enclosed in the walls of prison without cause or provocation, can have but little idea how sweet the voice of a friend is; one token of friendship from any source whatever awakens and calls into action every sympathetic feeling; it brings up in an instant everything that is passed; it seizes the present with avidity of lightning; it grasps after the future with the fierceness of a tiger; it moves the mind backward and forward, from one thing to another, until finally all enmity, malice, and hatred, and past differences, misunderstandings are slain victorious at the feet of [Christ]; and when the heart is sufficiently contrite, then the voice of inspiration steals along and whispers.” (History of the Church 3:293)

Though the walls of my prison were built by none other than yours truly, I still know exactly what Joseph means when he refers to the tremendous influence that the manifestations of a friend's love can have on you. I saw these manifestations multiple times throughout this past weekend, and I assure you that they truly were sweet.

It saw it when my roommates let me be my goofy, loud and obnoxious self by laughing at my ridiculous jokes while dying Easter eggs and by letting me make slightly suggestive comments about Australian cowboys when watching The Man From Snowy River.

I saw it when Emily went to the BYU rugby game with me on Saturday afternoon and was excited enough about it with me to buy matching T-shirts.

I saw it when Charlotte texted me to let me know where in the library she was studying at so that I wouldn't have to be there on a Saturday afternoon alone.

I saw it when Ryan was willing to take an unexpected 30 minute study break to talk to me when we ran into each other at the library.

I saw it when Rylin and Seth and Joseph stepped outside to talk with me on the benches outside on Saturday night.

I saw it when Rachel Smith let me come over to her apartment on Sunday morning to study for our D&C test.

I saw it when Betsy and Elora exclaimed "Hello!" to me when I was walking up to campus for my presidency meeting.

I saw it when, in my presidency meeting before church, I sat outside with Leslie, Sarah and Kelly and we just sat and talked about life after taking care of business.

I saw it when, on my way into sacrament meeting, Chris stopped me to ask how my life is going and then really listened.

I saw it when Jon Wilcock let me sit by him so that I didn't have to sit alone during church and then when he earnestly talked to me before the meeting began.

I saw it when the beautiful girls in my Relief Society gave me the love and support during my lesson that they've given me all semester.

I saw it when AnnaLisa and Rylin walked home with me after church.

I saw it when I got a text from Michael Lee, letting me know that he's in Utah and giving me his report on the dynamics of the Mormon-saturated state.

I saw it when Aunt Martha invited Emily and I over for Easter dinner and games and let us drag Rylin along.

I saw it when Alli Tenney laughed with me at treat night about how we don't buy normal-sized cartons of ice cream because we've learned that if we do, we'll just eat it all at once.

I saw it when Bethany gave me a hug in the middle of south court. A real hug.

I saw it in the millions (okay--exaggeration) of nice notes that I got from people in the ward.

I saw it when Sarah Armknecht, Stephen, Carson and Kat stayed behind after treat night to have condemning, late Sunday night discussions.

I saw it when, after the conversation with them broke-up, Carson noticed that I was still in need of some company and then talked to me for the next hour-and-a-half.

I saw it when Jesus Christ, my ultimate friend, helped me make it through a very long night with very little sleep.

And I saw it again just ten minutes ago when when Kat Bennett came into the advisement center where I work to set-up an appointment and then, when she saw me, sincerely asked if there was anything she could do for me and gave me chocolate.

I feel so absolutely blessed to have so many selfless people in my life who love me enough to give me so much, to notice and reach out when I fall. Someday (hopefully) I won't need friends to come into my life and insist that I put aloe vera gel on my sunburns before being humble enough to just ask for some. Until that day though, it's humbling to know that even with all my pride, the Lord still cares enough to send me amazing, endearing friends when I can't seem to figure out that their companionship is the remedy I have been searching for.

Thanks to the amazing people in my life, I feel the same invigorating, motivating, inspiring emotions that Joseph Smith described in his letter from Liberty Jail.  As humans and as spirit children of God, we naturally need one another to be happy and feel good about ourselves. Right now, I feel like the happiest, most feel-good-about-myself being in the world. I'm pretty dang lucky.