Doing Less

I love accomplishing things. For me, the perfect day includes waking up early, studying my scriptures, exercising, showering, eating breakfast, and cleaning the house all before 8:30. And that's just the beginning. There's so many other good things I would love to be filling my days with! Visiting the lonely, calling family, organizing the house, writing something meaningful, family history work, making a note to leave in my husband's lunch, preparing dinner, and my list goes on.

When I first had Phoebe I realized that I was going to have to scale down my daily list, and so I did. I could manage taking care of a baby and accomplishing just one or two things a day, I told myself, and I did. But as the days and weeks melted by, I began to realize something...

I was still doing too much! Yes, I could manage waking up early and getting my few things done amid taking care of a newborn and taking care of the rest of life, but it exhausted me! I was doing a lot of doing, but I couldn't enjoy it. My brain was too fuzzy and my limbs too weak to feel any of the joy that I know is associated with motherhood. 

So this week I've slowed down. It's been a challenge. There's a part of me--a big part of me--that says to myself: it's 8:30 and you're just now waking up?!!! Just think of all the productive things you could have gotten done by now! But I'm learning to talk back to that part of me and to say: "Cool it. It's okay. Yes, it's 8:30 and I haven't studied my scriptures, exercied, showered, eaten breakfast, or cleaned the house yet. So what?" Because there are more important things in life than being "productive." There are more important things in life than checking items off a to-do list. 

A prophet of the Lord put it best when he said: "No success can compensate for failure in the home." Raising Phoebe is one thing I definitely don't want to be too tired to enjoy, and it's definitely something I don't want to fail at. So now I'm a new me: no longer the woman who's ready to take on the world by 8:30, but the woman who's just waking up at 8:30 so that I can enjoy holding the world in my arms.

Lunches with Friends

I have had AWESOME lunches these past two weeks. Not because of the food (though there was a lot of good food!), but because of the people I've been blessed to eat with. 

Last week on Tuesday my amazing friend, Loree, and I took Phoebe to Pick-Quicks for some good ol' drive-in food. I love spending time with Loree because she's so good at taking care of Phoebe and because I can tell that she loves Phoebe very much. Phoebe loves her too! Every time Loree plays with her, Phoebe calms down. I told Loree to watch out...if I ever have a stressful night with Phoebe crying, I might be calling her for reinforcements!

The next day, Wednesday, Phoebe and I drove down to Chahalis and met up with my mom, Abby, Kate, and my second cousin--Louisa, and her new baby--Elodie. It was so much fun! Pretty much I showed up and the aunts and Grandm took over and Louisa and I only had to worry about holding our babies when they wanted food. This meant that she and I not only got a break, but we're able to talk and catch up, and it was so nice talking to someone else who is going through baby craziness like I am! It was a perfect afternoon.

Thursday of last week my good friend from teaching, Joy, came over to my place to eat and meet little Phoebster. After seeing me pregnant for months at work, it was really fun for me to get to show her what I'd been hiding under my shirt for so long! And it was just plain good to see her. I admire Joy for her relationship with God and her willingness to do His will. In a world of casual believers, it's refreshing to have a friend who lives her faith.

This week has been just as much fun as the last! This past Monday Phoebe and I had a picnic at the park with Jenna, a young woman from church, and her friend, Alyssa. Let me tell you--I am so glad that I had Phoebe during the summer so that Jenna was out of school and could come spend time with me and baby. This past Monday was mostly fun and games (Skip-bo, to be exact), but there have been other days when Jenna has come over to just hold Phoebe which allowed me to shower or clean or eat. And she's so good at it too! She tells me that she's thought about working with babies someday as a career in the medical field and I'm confident that she would be fantastic at it if that's what she decides to do.

Tuesday a woman I used to visit teach, Sharron, invited me over so that she could finally meet Phoebe and so that she could make me a yummy crab sandwich (a new dish for me!). It was great to catch up with her and her daughter, Diana. They are so generous and I'm grateful they are willing to share their generosity with me.

Wednesday this week I ran on over to my friend Meaghan's place for lunch. She had prepared some Indian food and it was delicious! I love Meaghan because she was the first person in Tacoma that reached out to me. When we moved here I was still trying to figure out the whole being married and making friends thing, and she made it easy. There have been multiple conversations I've had with her where I've walked away feeling lighter and like God cares. Yesterday was no exception.

Today I whipped up some squash soup and ran it over to my friend Carlene's for lunch. Carlene is one of my favorite people. She has a love for living and having fun that I hope I can have when I "grow up!" Since having Phoebe, we've gotten together about every other week to eat or work in her garden or to pick her blueberries or swap summer adventure stories. She has made the transition to motherhood so much easier because I know I have her help and support and friendship there to back me up just around the corner. Plus, it's so much fun to come over and help out on her land and get yummy produce from her garden! I hope that Carlene and I are able to continue spending the weeks together because For me it always makes things brighter.

For someone who was afraid that motherhood was going to be lonely, God is sure proving me wrong. How lucky I am to live a life blessed with so many people who love me! I'm reminded of a quote that I have hanging on my fridge:

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." -President Spencer W. Kimball  

I know that this is true because I've seen it in my own life these past two weeks.

Mom and Kate Helping Phoebe's First Week

I was both too tired and overwhelmed when Phoebe was first born to write much about her first week home. There's a lot to remember from that first week, and something I want to make sure I don't forget is that my mom and my sister, Kate, came into town to help. It was fantastic to have them here--both so willing to hold Phoebe--so that I could have a chance to breathe between feedings and take everything in. Here are some of my favorite pictures of them while they were here!

Phoebe's Baby Blessing

The past few days we've enjoyed spending time with family for Phoebe's baby blessing. Jon's family flew into town for the weekend and were able to meet baby Phoebe for the first time! We spent Saturday evening with them at my sister-in-law--Laura's--home. 

Sunday my family drove up from Washington to join the crew for the actual blessing. When Phoebe was blessed we had Grandpa Self, Grandpa Rogers, Uncles Perry and Austin, along with our friends Pierre and Joe in the circle. It was wonderful to have so many people whom we love to participate. Jon gave the blessing, of course, and did a wonderful job at listening to the Spirit to know what to say.

After church the Gray's were kind enough to let our families come over to their place for lunch (our place is a little too small for 15+ people). The food was great, but just having the time to sit and talk with loved ones was even better.

My family and Laura's family drove home Sunday night, but Jon's family got to spend the night with us. We enjoyed watching the solar eclipse on Monday morning before they had to leave to catch the bus and hop on the plane home. 

We already miss everyone so much!

Here's something to remember how cute she is:

...And here's something to keep reality in check:

Our Weekend with Emily

This past weekend was one of the best of the whole year! Emily came and spent Friday afternoon through Monday morning with us. We did a lot of really fun things...

We went on walks at Ruston Way, Point Definance Park, and Wapato Parks.
We played card games with Jon.
We picked blackberries to have on top of ice cream.
We got ice cream at Coldstone.
We colored in my adult coloring books.
We made yummy food.

Overall, we just spent a lot of time talking about life, playing with Phoebe, and enjoying each others' company. It was the most rejuvenating weekend I've had all year. Having sisters is the best!

You're Invited!

Consider yourself invited to Phoebe's baby blessing!

Phoebe's First Month

Sleeping, eating, bathing, crying, smiling, and just being plain cute...it's been a fun adventure having Phoebe around for her first month of life! Here's just a glimpse of why this cute little girl has us wrapped around her finger and why I think we'll keep her around. 

The Mom For Phoebe

Becoming a mom has been wonderful, but there have definitely been ups and downs. This past Sunday morning I was feeling more down than up. Compared to the care I'd seen other mothers administer to their children, I felt my efforts were mediocre at best. And how horrible that was--to feel inadequate at what I've always felt to be the most important job in the world.

There we sat: Phoebe was in her car seat, ready to go to church and crying, and I sat in front of her eating a king sized chocolate bar and almost crying. Jon was already at church attending pre-meetings and feeling very alone in that moment, I felt more than a little overwhelmed.

Amid the chaos of the moment, the Spirit spoke a very important message to me, one that I will never forget. He said: "Perhaps it seems like so-and-so or -so-and-so could do a better job at mothering Phoebe, but I did not send Phoebe to them. I sent her to you. Phoebe needs you to be her mom not just because any random person could do the job and you happened to be available, but because she specifically needs you."

Peace fell over me. My awareness of my flaws and imperfections didn't fall away, but suddenly I didn't feel like they disqualified me for the job. Heavenly Father, knowing all about my flaws and imperfections, sent Phoebe to me anyway and trusts me with her. It is my "me-ness" that makes me qualified for the job, that makes me the mom for Phoebe.

One of Satan's tactics is to make us feel inadequate and unqualified for the tasks that the Lord gives to us. And let's be honest, the reason we listen to him is because lots of times he's right--often we are inadequate or unqualified! But when we feel this way, we need to remember that the Lord makes no mistakes in who He calls to do His work. He will help us as we turn to Him in humble and sincere prayer and He will make up for what we lack. The only mistake is on our part when we don't do this and instead listen to Satan's whisperings or try to do it all on our own.

Now when Phoebe starts crying right when I lay down to take a nap or when she poops on her car seat (or the car itself) and I "get" to clean it up or when it's the middle of the night and she wants to eat even though she ate less than two hours ago and I'm exhausted, I'm less tempted to turn to my chocolate bars and more inclined to turn to the Lord. His confidence in me gives me confidence in myself and blesses me with the peace I need to make it through.