Reflections on Our Wedding Day

One year ago today I woke up after a restless night of attempted sleep and went to the temple to get married. The morning leading up to the temple went by in a blur. I was so tired and the event was so surreal, I felt like I was moving about in a daze. But though I was tired, I was calm.

When Jon and I got to the temple, we had some time to just sit quietly together. Still, I was feeling pretty dazed. But then, we walked into the sealing room to get married, and that all changed.

I have never before or since been in a room filled with such tangible love. One look around the room and my heart immediately swelled up with more love--for and from those around me, both physically and spiritually present--than I have ever felt in my life. There with us in the room were so many people who were important in both Jon and my life. Friends, college roommates, Sunday school teachers, young women's leaders, mission presidents, and--most important of all--our family sat in every seat and filled every corner. It was packed not only with bodies, but with memories of time spent with each of these loved ones, and with gratitude and love for God for placing each one of them in our lives.

Then, Jon and I both knelt at the altar in the room so that we faced each other and the love I felt in my heart grew even more. Jon and I were getting married! And as Jon knelt there across from me and I contemplated on the goodness of his character and the love in his heart, tears started to quietly fall down my face. I loved the people in the room. I loved the man kneeling across from me. And I loved Heavenly Father for bringing us all together in such a special and holy moment.

That love resided with me throughout the rest of the day, and it resides with me still. I'm grateful for power of marriage and families. It enables me to do more than I would on my own because I'm constantly buoyed up with love and support that I know won't run away when things get hard. It fills my heart with joy and peace because I know that someone's always there thinking about me and helping me and having my best interest at heart. It gives me more motivation and purpose in life because things aren't just about me--they're about us. 

I'm grateful for the strength God has given Jon and I to learn and grow throughout this first year of marriage, ultimately bringing us closer to Him and each other. I'm equally grateful for a spouse who supports and laughs with and lifts and cherishes and ennobles and teases and teaches and works with and loves me every single day.

Happy one year, Jon! I look forward to an eternity more with you.

Visiting with Aunt Belinda

Last Saturday Jon and I had the privilege of visiting our Aunt Belinda up in Salt Lake. The visit consisted of a trip to Arby's and Smith's grocery store.

A note about Aunt Belinda: She's not technically anyone's aunt. For a brief period during Jon's growing-up years, she attended the same congregation for church that Jon's family did. I think Jon was still in diapers. Regardless of how short the association was though, she has managed to keep in contact with the family ever since! And when Jon came out to Utah for college, he started visiting her in person. When I started dating Jon, I got adopted into the phone calls and visits and she has become my Aunt Belinda too ever since!

Aunt Belinda is the one who calls us multiple times before any car trip we take to make sure that we have everything we need and are ready to go. Always, she makes sure that we have a roll of quarters for the trip so that if we get stranded we can use a pay phone. (I can't recall the last time I saw a payphone, and when I did, I'm sure I doubted whether it was working.)

Aunt Belinda is the one who calls us from time to time just to see how we're doing. Always, we're "in big trouble" and "she doesn't know what she's going to do with us!" (Honestly, I don't know what we're going to do with ourselves sometimes too!)

Aunt Belinda is the one who gives us relationship advice when she calls. Always, she's telling Jon that I'm going to want to decorate the bathroom in pink and that he's going to have to let me because I'm the wife, but that she'll stand by him when he wants to decorate his man cave with furs and dark colors. (Pretty sure I'll never decorate the bathroom in pink and that Jon doesn't want a man cave.)

Aunt Belinda is the one who gets word of something potentially dangerous to anyone's health and makes sure that we know about it. Always, she tells us to also pass the word along to our families and friends and cousins and neighbors. (Don't think I've exactly followed that last part there. Sorry, Aunt Belinda!)

Yup--Aunt Belinda is an elder, single lady who is so much herself that we love it! The best part about Aunt Belinda is that she really does sincerely care. Lots of us say that we care, but she really means it. I think it's her crowning quality.

So last Saturday when she tickled us as we took pictures in Arby's and tried to get me to follow her along in the store and lose Jon while she cruised around in her speedy wheelchair cart and showed us the entire layout of the Smith's grocery store in Salt Lake and made Jon buy chocolate for me while I was in the bathroom, we soaked in every moment of it and loved it! People like Aunt Belinda give life vibrancy and makes me feel like I have more to live for. I hope that we can stay in touch with Aunt Belinda when we move away (we will if she has anything to say about it!) and that we can find more people like her up in Tacoma!

Our First Time Bowling

Jon's been bothering me for the past 11 hours about blogging this post, so I figure I'd better get to it. Last night, we went bowling together as a couple for the first time. Before going, we both admitted to each other that we weren't that good. For example, I usually bowl somewhere around a 115. Him too. So we show up at Miracle Bowl in Orem at 9:30 (it's only $1.50 per game after 9!) and started. What followed was both hilarious and embarrassing.

After the first three sets, this is what the scoreboard looked like:

Those cross things under Jon's name? Those are strikes. Those round things under my name? Those are zeros.

After five sets, Jon still had all strikes. This is what he looked like:

Even our neighboring bowlers were noticing. Finally, with his 6th set he "only" got a spare. By the end of the game he had bowled 6 strikes and 3 spares. I'm not going to tell you what I bowled.

In the end, Jon had a total score of 207. I had a total score of 41.

It was the best game of his life.

It was the worst of mine.

It might have also been the best night of Jon's life. He really loves winning.

It might have also been the best night of mine, because I really love him.

"I Want to Be a Mother!"

One day when I was in seventh grade, I sat on the curb outside the school waiting for my mom to come pick me up. While I was waiting, one of the school counselors happened to see me and came to join me. He'd talked with me in the past and we knew each other. He seemed to view the "waiting on the curb" moment as a great opportunity to talk a little bit about life, because that's what he started doing.

He asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. This was an easy question for me to answer. Without pause, I replied that I wanted to be a mother. He seemed to laugh to himself and then asked me what I really wanted to be. Slightly infuriated, I responded that I actually really did want to be a mother, but that if he was curious that didn't mean that I wasn't planning on attending college and that I still wasn't sure what I wanted to major in but I had considered teaching and dietetics, thank you very much!

That was me all growing up. Being the strong, religious person that I was, I learned early on that the greatest possible "profession" I could aspire to obtain someday was that of mother. A wonderful stay-at-home mom--along with the feelings in my heart--convinced me that this was true. And just like I said to Mr. 7th Grade Counselor, whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew-up, my first response was: "A mother!"

How surprising it was, then, when this started to change when I went to college. I went to college at BYU, an institution funded by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka: the Mormons). At BYU, people joke about the female population and how they're all really just there to get married (Studio C's music video on the subject is hilarious!) It's a great topic to joke around about, but it's not reality for most girls. Overall, I believe that most girls at BYU place equal value on the acquisition of knowledge as they do on the acqisition of a husband.

Unfortunately, however, during my time there this running joke started to influence me. I didn't want to be seen as the girl who was only there to find a husband. I wanted people to know that I valued my education too. As a result, my answer to the "What do you want to be when you grow-up?" question changed.

"I'm still deciding what to major in," I said my freshman year.

"I'm going to give elementary education a try, but we'll see what happens," I said after that.

"English Education," was my final response. "I'm going to be a teacher."

It is ironic how sometimes, when we live in a culture saturated in what we believe, we start being untrue to ourselves just because we don't want to be defined as a label.

Luckily, I married a man who saw past all my "I don't want to be defined as a label" mumbo jumbo, and five years later--as of one week ago today--I graduated from BYU with both the man and the degree.

I didn't really recognize the shift that had taken place within myself until six months ago when I was called to be my ward's girls camp director. When my bishop extended the call, he made sure I knew that it was against camp rules for pregnant women to attend camp. Though I hadn't really been putting having kids on hold, it wasn't something I was actively pursing at that point and the bishop's words barely made me skip a beat. In fact, I wanted to say yes to the calling right away (I love the youth!), but I felt like my husband and I should talk and pray about it first, so I told the bishop I'd get back to him. I'm so grateful that I did, because even though I accepted the calling in the end, the process of discussing it with my husband, studying the matter, and praying about it reminded me of the conviction and aspirations I had deep inside of me but had lost sight of while at college.

I'm so grateful that the Lord has helped me remember that there is nothing second rate in attending a top-notch university and in wanting to be a mother at the same time. In fact, for women who choose to pursue higher education, it's how He wants it to be.

In this past April General Conference, Sister Oscarson said:

"[W]e need to boldly defend the Lord's revealed doctrines describing marriage, families, the divine roles of men and women, and the importance of homes as sacred places--even when the world is shouting in our ears that these principles are outdated, limiting, or no longer relevant. Everyone, no matter what their marital circumstance...can be defenders of the Lord's plan described in the family proclamation. If it is the Lord's plan, it should also be our plan!" (Defenders of the Family Proclamation)

What a wonderful second reminder her words were to me of who's team I'm on and what I should be standing up for. I want to be a defender of the Lord's plan! I want His plan to be my plan as well.

Today, if someone were to ask me what I want to be when I grow-up, I would proudly respond with: "I want to be a mother!" Because I do. And there's nothing wrong with that.