On Writing an Analysis Paper

This image is in no way reflective of my current emotional state. Especially in regards to my adolescent lit paper.

Dear Emily, It was such a pleasant surprise to find myself exercising next to you this morning amid the fragrant smell of sweaty men and old rubber. I'm so glad that you're also committed to being determined to be responsible and follow through on goals even when it means leaving your adolescent lit paper sitting at home unfinished. Keeping goals, even at the sacrifice of a paper, is such a noble attribute, don't you think?

Dear Leg Of Mine, Please stop doing the whole "I'm-shaking-right-now-because-you're-freaking-out-about-life" thing. It makes me anxious. And slightly concerned for my well-being (Oh no--maybe I'm having a seizure! Maybe I'm going into shock! I clearly cannot work on my adolescent lit paper right now--I could be dying!). Chill.

Dear Roommates, You are some of my favoritest people to talk to. We haven't done so in a long. Time. (Like four days?) I think we need to remedy this dilemma. Tonight. (I mean, talking to you is obviously a lot more important/interesting/entertaining than writing my paper for adolescent lit, right?)

Dear American Literature Homework, Teaching Writing Paper (That's Due in a Month), D&C Test, and 420 Reading Journal, I'm so grateful for the opportunity which you present me with: widened horizons, an enlightened mind, the chance to become a better human being--these are all fantastic! My only regret is that attending to you will keep me from writing my adolescent lit paper that's due tomorrow. The once-in-a-lifetime chance you offer me, though, makes it worth it.

Dear Adolescent Lit Paper, It appears that, contrary to previous responsibly-and-in-my-right-mind-made plans, I may not find the time to spend with you tonight. Please, do not weep for me. Just know that the tears which stain my pillow on this night will be for you. Perhaps I can make amends with you tomorrow (or next week or year or century).

Dear Leg, No--really.