Primary Songs at 1:30 am

I was grateful to have gone to bed at 8:30 the other night because at 10:30 Phoebe woke up and three hours later I was still trying to get her back to sleep. By this time I was exhausted. It was 1:30 and I knew that even when I finally did get her to fall asleep that she'd be up again later that night to eat again. I was ready to just be done and pass the Phoebster off to someone else! But Jon had work the next morning and I didn't want to wake him, so that it was all me.

In attempt to try something new to get Phoebe to fall asleep, I left the couch and sat in the rocking chair in our living room. I began swaying back and forth in the chair while softly bouncing her in my arms to try and calm her. Then the idea came to me to start humming and singing primary songs to her. So in my out-of-tune, crackly, broken, 1:30 am voice, I started to hum to her the song "I Feel My Savior's Love."

The spirit in the room changed. Phoebe began to calm down and go to sleep. As I continued singing and humming different songs, she began to smile in her sleep, and continued to do so for a longer period of time than I can ever recall her smiling. I began to calm down too. Instead of just trying to triumphantly get a kid to sleep, I started soaking in the moment.

Holy cow! Here I sat with this adorable little baby and she was mine! I was a parent! And in that moment, I was able to worry less about surviving and to focus more on the wonders and beauties and blessings of life.

Life tries to get the best of all of us. There will always be more to do on the to-do list than we have time for. But God has given us enough time to see to the things that truly matter most. What remains to be decided is if we will choose to use it in the way He intends for us to. How much easier this will be to do if we slow down a little and take the time to see the things that truly matter most. Things like when our prayers get answered. Things like opportunities to help out people in need. Things like friends, families, and loved ones. Things like a precious little girl you get to call "daughter" and rock to sleep at 1:30 am because someday you'll be the one she calls "mom."

I'm sure that there will be plenty of nights when I feel like I'm just trying to survive. But I hope that amid all the surviving that I can be mindful enough to pause every once and a while to recognize the miracle of life for what it is and to enjoy living it.

Things I'm Grateful For

These are just a few of the reasons why today I am feeling so grateful...

I got to read my scriptures this morning.

Aunt Martha and Uncle David invited Jon, Ems and I to their place yesterday evening for a Pioneer Day BBQ.

Yesterday afternoon I got to spend time cooking and playing games with Jon, Ems and Jacob.

Yesterday morning Sarah, Ems and I got to go hiking up past the Y. It was perfect weather. It was perfect scenery. It was perfect company.

Tuesday night I went up to South Fork Park and had a bonfire with a bunch of friends from the ward.

Before the bonfire on Tuesday I got to grab ice cream with Kathleena and then the two of us talked for a while. It was so good to catch-up with an old friend.

Last week I was blessed to be able to go down to California with Jon to spend the week at his house. His family was amazing and it was an absolute blast hanging out with his little brother, David, while his mom and sister were at girls camp.

In a couple of days I get to go home for a week to go backpacking with my family!

I am dating the best man I have ever met.

In the past 24 hours I have laughed, cried, pondered, been silly and felt immensely blessed and loved. In essence, I have felt human.

I have used and seen the power of the Atonement in my life more frequently this past month than I have in a long time.

These things and more leave me sitting here at the computer, thinking and writing about them all, with a feeling of deep inner peace.

Why My Week Has Been Awesome

1. I went running twice with Brady Anderson, and he's kinda' crazy, but really fun!
2. I had a rockin' presidency meeting.
3. I got to talk to my AWESOME second cousin, Louisa!!!

Jared and I waiting in line for Divine Comedy!

1. I went to Divine Comedy with Jared, Sarah, Brady, and McKell. It was hilarious and super fun!
2. I got to go shopping with Ryan and we got to be goofy and have people treat us like a married couple.

Emily and I mean business when we watch the arts

We walked up to Christmas around the world with Kara and Mary...I kinda got carried away with the picture taking...

 

1. I went to Christmas Around the World with Emily and it was AMAZING! Plus, I knew six people in it (Will, Jordan, Ethan, David, Joseph, and Jamie) and they all did SO GOOD!
2. My apartment has a sweet, peaceful spirit in it, thanks to all the wonderful people who came over (Jeremy, Ryan, Sarah, Quaelii, Scott, Gentry, Stephen, Drew, and others...)
3. I spent hours preparing for the lesson I gave today. Preparing for church lessons is one of my favoritest things in the world.
4. The testimonies--spoken and unspoken--today at church were inspiring. We have so many good people in our ward (and I love them ALL!!!)
5. Dinner tonight with the clan. It was really yummy.
6. Got to watch the Christmas Devotional with the clan. Amelia gave me a back rub. My back might be starting to recover from carrying around my laptop and Shakespeare bible, thanks to her!
7. Stephen, Scott, Gentry, and Drew came over to our apartment tonight and made me really laugh! I haven't really laughed in ages!
8. It's CHRISTMAS TIME and we have a REAL CHRISTMAS TREE in our apartment!!! Plus snowflakes and lights and nativities and wrapping-papered walls. Oh, and mistletoe. 
9. I have A. MAZE. ING. roomates. They are seriously some of the greatest blessings in my life!
10. I've gone from ups to downs and back again. Heavenly Father's really good and pulling me back up.
11. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and all those I associate with. It's so easy to love those around me when I remember how much They love them. 
12. I feel that those around me sincerely care about and love me because they've shown it. Means the world to me.

Goals, Motivations, and Aspirations

"While understanding the “what” and the “how” of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet."   -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Forget Me Not", 2011 Relief Society Broadcast

Why I Do What I Do:

• So I can help others return to Heavenly Father
• So I can return to Heavenly Father
• So I can one day be happily married and raise righteous children
• So I can become a better person
• So I can learn
• So I can uplift others
• So I can be eternally happy
• So I can one day be like God
• So I can show Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I love and care for Them and am grateful for all they do for me
• So I can go to the temple
• So I can have the Spirit's comfort and direction in my life

Desires I Have

• To love God and feel His love for me in return so that I can share His love with others
• To serve, uplift, and inspire people
• To be happy here and now
• To get married
• To have children
• To know, understand, and love the scriptures
• To graduate from BYU with an English teaching major
• To love, respect, and care for my body
• To love going to the temple
• To love, support, and help my parents and sisters
• To feel confident that I'm living the life God wants me to
• To return to live with my Heavenly Father for forever
• To have a firm relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior here and now

My "To Be" List

• A good daughter
• A good wife
• A good mother and grandmother
• An avid scriptorian
• A helper
• A happy person
• A missionary
• A friend
• A disciple of Christ
• A humble person
• Someone who develops her talents
• Someone who loves being a girl and understands why that make me special
• Someone who knows the Lord and talks with Him multiple times a day
• Someone who wisely makes her own decisions and confirms them with the Lord 
• A person who understands the divinity which God has given me 

Doubt

So. One of my New Year goals is to blog every Sunday about a scripture I've read that week. Let's see how long I can keep it up! Here's post number one...

"And there began to be great doubtings and disputations among the people, notwithstanding so many signs had been given." -3 Nephi 8:4

"As Latter-day Saints, ours in not the options of doubting and fearing. Ours is the opportunity of believing and acting." -Gordon B. Hinckley, January 2000 New Era

In this scripture the people begin doubting right before the signs come. How often do we start doubting right before the Lord is about to prove Himself? Satan would have us doubt to draw us further away from the Lord. Why do we listen to his whispering? Why do we even take the time to consider them? To let them in? As President Hinckley hinted to, I think that doubt often sprouts when we are being inactive. I don't me inactive as in not going to church activities and such. I mean it as when we are not anxiously engaged in a good cause. Are we actively building and serving and growing, or are we just going through the motions? I know that if we are actively involved in the good things which the Lord has commanded us to be involved in that doubt cannot arise. When we are sincerely praying, when we are reading our scriptures, when we are fulfilling our church callings, when we are serving our fellow men--when we are doing all these things there is no time in our lives and no room in our hearts to doubt. Doing these things will bring the Spirit into our lives and He will testify of the truthfulness of all things.