Hey guys,
I had my routine checkups/scans last week and the Dr. called on Friday with some bad news. I have been diagnosed with stage IV melanoma. The melanoma that started out on the back of my scalp metastasized to my bones. The cancer has spread to all the bones in my body. I will be flying to Denver to meet with a specialist and hopefully start some kind of trial treatment. Well I'm sorry to say that I just wont have the time or the energy to be your TA anymore. Either Dr. Cates or another TA will be teaching the Friday discussions for the rest of the semester. I will not be in my office hours but you can get help from another TA in the TA office. If you have any concerns that you need me to help with I can still answer emails and help out if I need to.
I have really enjoyed being your TA this semester and working with all of you. Again I'm sorry if this causes any troubles or problems for any of you. Have a great rest of the semester and continue the good work.
Needless to say, that's not what I'd been expecting to find when I logged into my Gmail account to check my inbox. This, along with a couple of other things that have happened over the past several days have caused me to stop, ponder, and reflect.
What am I doing with my life? Why do I wake up in the morning? Do my days have purpose? Goals? Do I go to bed better than I was when I woke up? Was the day I just had even worth living?
I'm ashamed of how I would have to answer these questions if I answered them honestly in regards to this past semester. So far, this semester I have been living life on the sidelines. Instead of getting out there with a plan and taking control of the game the game is taking control of me. I have let myself fall victim to laziness, self-pity, loneliness, and a lack of self-discipline. I've lived too many days wasting my time, talents, and energy. I've wasted too many days waiting for time to pass so that I could arrive at some future destination.
You guys--there is no excuse for this. There is too much good to be had in the present to waste it away by wishing for the future. Yes--it's easy to get stuck in the habit of being the victim, of letting life control you, but it's so much more worth it when we make the opposite true. There is too much work to be done to be lazy. There are too many others in need of a helping hand to have self-pity. There are too many friends to be had to be lonely. There are to many opportunities to be enjoyed to suffer from a lack of self-discipline. There is too much room to grow and improve to merely sit on the sidelines, going through the same routine day after day, never changing.
Nothing is predetermined. Our lives can be what we choose to make them be, one day at a time.
My life is so wonderful! If I were to wake up and immediately fall on my knees, thanking my Father in Heaven for all the blessings in my life, I would never be able to go back to bed! I live in country that enjoys more freedom than most and that was founded by amazingly good and inspiring men. I'm gaining an education that many people in the world would give an arm and a leg for. I have an amazing family who loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me. I have friends at home, school, work, church, class, and around the world. These friends and family are good people who have all enriched and touched my life, inspiring me to be a better person and to give back to others. I have a phone to call home when I get lonely, a shower to get myself clean, and a fridge to keep my food from going bad. I have a body that can run, jump, climb, sit, stand, talk, sing, laugh, clap, tap, dance, hum, work, eat, sleep, think, create, beautify, better, and so much more.
And above all, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know my Savior and Father in Heaven live. I know that they know me personally and that they love me and will love me for eternity. I know that they have a plan for me and that I'm not here by accident. I know that if I live righteously now that I can return to them. I know that Joseph Smith restored the Gospel on the earth and that by doing so he merely completed and perfected what was already taught and believed by many. I know that as part of that work that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that it doesn't replace the Bible, rather, it complements it. I also know that the sole purpose of the Book of Mormon is to bring people closer to Christ and that by studying it our relationship with Him can grow more personal and wonderful than we could ever imagine. I know that we continue to have a living prophet on today's earth and that President Thomas S. Monson is that prophet. I know that he leads and guides the church under the direction of the God the Father. I know that temples are houses of the Lord and that their purpose is to unite us as sons and daughters of God together as a family. I also know that if I get married in the temple that that marriage can last for eternity. I know that we go through trials for a reason and that when we handle them well that we can always come out a better person in the end. I know that Christ is there to help us through those trials and that He can be there for us always if we do not leave His side.
To put it simply--there is too much to be grateful for in this life to waste it away. We all probably have more days left ahead of us to live than my Biology TA does. The attitude with which we choose to live those days is entirely up to us. May I make a recommendation and suggest that we live them happily? May I suggest that we no longer let whatever it is that chains us down chain us down any longer? Life is so wonderful. So fun. So beautiful. So precious. So sweet. Be you an American Jew from New York City, an Asian Buddhist from Nepal, or a European who-knows-what from Ireland--it makes no difference. We all have something to be thankful for and we all have a reason to wake up in the morning excited to live and be happy. That's how I want to live my life.
